Image from the web
01
"Don't be a slave to emotions."
It's a powerful phrase that makes people feel like a master for the first time, as if I can control all this.
When the emotional outburst is out of control, it is said that the amygdala is at work, and the moment I lose control, I become a slave to the emotion.
Looking back at the out-of-control scenes in the past life, it can be said that it is hysterical and tears the heart and lungs. I knew in my heart that everyone would get out of control, but that experience was terrible and had a profound impact on my personal life.
At that time, the emotions were as turbulent as the river that broke through the embankment, and it was indeed very refreshing to explode at that moment, but the impact at the same time, whether it was for others or for oneself, was a very heavy price.
Everyone should have had an experience like this, and then think back to the bad self at that time, and the frustration presented was enough to make you veto your entire life and even start to doubt yourself.
02
But even then, people will repeat their bad selves like smokers, even if it's not what they want to see.
Maybe there are too many times, reasons, and states in life that make me lose control, and I can always find words, but I haven't thought about taking good care of my negative emotions, embracing them, giving them understanding and love, and learning to manage my emotions.
I remember one time when I didn't get out of control and successfully managed my emotional experience. When there was an insurmountable obstacle, the anger, boredom, powerlessness and grief in my heart came together in an instant, and I couldn't help but want to explode, and a painful picture of slamming the door came to mind.
When I realized that slamming the door and going out and exploding emotions wouldn't solve the problem, and the entangled debates in front of me wouldn't solve the problem.
A voice in my heart was telling me that I had an emotion that needed my attention and care.
At this point I had enough strength to suppress the anger in my chest, close my eyes and let myself stop for a few seconds, take a deep breath, and tell myself that I didn't want to see it and not let it appear.
In the end, I reconciled with myself and others with a firm attitude, and then I did not speak emotionally.
03
Instead, I use my physical feelings to express my feelings, use brain tools to think and show clear logical processes, seek solutions, and achieve communication, not quarrels.
In general, it's about expressing feelings and thoughts, and the results you want to see.
There is a very vivid saying that I particularly like, that is, "We have always had the freedom to choose our own attitudes and behaviors in any environment." ”
In the end, whether effective communication was achieved or not, the results were much better than before. And after that, when you calm down and think about what you just did, you didn't lose control and successfully managed your emotions, and the feelings flowing in your heart at this time were simply not too good.
04
What I used to think negatively was that growth is when you start learning to suppress the moment of collapse. It's like a chicken soup for the soul, it seems to make sense, but it doesn't really work, but it will give you negative hints.
The positive idea is that growth is when you begin to learn to manage your emotions.
Just as the cultivation of Buddhahood is not before the Buddha, but in the world of all evils.
2022.1.20