When the vision becomes more and more blurred, the vision of the mind is wider.
A father who belongs to the "winner of life", because of blindness changed his life, but also accidentally began to understand his autistic child...
01
From the peak of life to the bottom
In the summer more than ten years ago, the sun was dazzling, just like Huang Jianxing's confident, funny, high-profile and decent life. His family was wealthy, and according to him was a rank that "could withstand three generations of profligacy."
But just like the eight-o'clock plot of dog blood, his father went bankrupt, and Huang Jianxing, who fell to the bottom, climbed up again with the courage of "must succeed".
After graduating from the Department of Politics at X University, he went to study in the United Kingdom; after returning to China, he began to engage in politics and broke through a famous family; he married a beautiful and capable wife and gave birth to a lovely son...
At that time, he was not yet forty years old, found that his eyes were afraid of light, put on sunglasses, and he thought it was more fashionable, so he didn't take it too seriously.
Huang Jianxing did not expect that this would foreshadow his life to change drastically. His left eye lost vision due to retinal detachment, and the other suffered from macular degeneration, leaving only limited vision.
At the peak of Huang Jianxing's life, he struck one blow after another. His wife left him and his son, Little Way, was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.
What broke him the most was the loss of vision. At first, the eyes were just black spots like floaters, but later they became a lingering black curtain. I had four or five surgeries in half a year, but there was no significant improvement.
02
Those little hands in the darkness
Forty-eight-year-old Huang Jianxing, wearing sunglasses and a rugged necklace around his neck, still looks decent, and is now a consultant and school lecturer for several companies.
Source: Parent-child world
During the period of repeated hospitalization and surgery, the son of the kindergarten, Little Way, would come to the hospital to accompany his father after class. Little Way also learned to support his father like a grandfather, and Huang Jianxing touched his small hand and felt even more sad in his heart.
He was supposed to be the pillar of the family, but he became the most vulnerable person in the family. But also because of the existence of a small Way, it gave Huang Jianxing the pressure and motivation to cheer up.
But Huang Jianxing found that learning to communicate with the son of the "Full King" is a big challenge:
"Did Mr. Xxx come to school today?" Dad asked.
"Yes." The son answered.
"Did you play Pokémon today?" Dad tries hard to arouse the child's desire to speak.
"Nothing." But the son was clearly unsympathetic.
Father and son often had unanswered conversations.
Little Way lacks the ability to express herself socially and cannot accurately receive other people's words.
Sometimes Huang Jianxing got angry and said harshly: "If you dare to do so, try it!" As soon as Little Way listens, he will really "try it."
03
Empathy with my autistic son
When Little Way's language expression ability is limited, the skills that Huang Jianxing has learned over the years of work come in handy. He has been by the side of the leader for a long time and has cultivated a delicate observation. As long as a leader raises his finger, Huang Jianxing will pay attention to whether the cigarette box is in the right position and whether there is a lighter nearby. This ability to perceive allowed him, who later lost his vision, to accurately perceive his son's emotions.
The loss of vision also gave Huang Jianxing another layer of feelings. In the past, Huang Jianxing could not understand why his son used "bumping his head" to protest when he was not happy.
After going blind, he couldn't even aim at the mouth of the cup when pouring water, couldn't catch food with chopsticks, couldn't find the signature column when signing a credit card... The smaller the setbacks in life, the greater the ridicule of his self-esteem.
"Originally, I can't say what I want to say, I can't do the actions I want to do, and my uncoordinated body will really make people want to hit the floor," Huang Jianxing described as having the deepest resonance and understanding with his autistic son at the moment of frustration.
When he was in college, Huang Jianxing was obsessed with success, and now that he is blind, he has begun to learn to release himself.
For his son, he also learned to lower expectations. "I always have one eye open and one eye closed for his homework, and I can only see it with one eye anyway," Huang Jianxing laughed at himself.
04
Accept and appreciate the uniqueness of your child
Accompanying his son is the most important thing in Huang Jianxing's life. A warm but lonely father, and a son who is silent and estranged, it is really difficult to communicate with words.
Fortunately, father and son also have music as a bridge. When Little Way was practicing the violin, Huang Jianxing would follow the saxophone, and sometimes the sense of sound was too poor and would be corrected by his son, but Huang Jianxing enjoyed this father-son relationship without high and low ranks. "The boundaries between us are gone, and I find that my son is often teaching me."
Not only accompanying Little Way to learn music, Huang Jianxing took other autistic children from the same school as his son to the remote countryside to hold a music summer camp, so that urban children could exchange music and dance with children in the countryside.
In the first year or two of the summer camp, Little Way was very uncomfortable, but later became the team leader. Huang Jianxing said very proudly: "I am so successful."
Today, he has a very different definition and idea of "success".
Now fourteen-year-old Way still has very few words, and after reading his father's new book "The Beautiful Companionship of Life", he only dropped one sentence: "The royalties will be divided among me." ”
"No matter what, as long as I'm with him, he's with me." Huang Jianxing wrote about his dependence on his son after he went blind.
After the loss, he cherished the small happiness more, knew how to accept the differences of his children, and no longer forced his son's achievements. "Even if he can't get serious about the next Game of Go, the exam is always on the verge of passing... None of this matters. Grow up healthy like this! This is a father's most sincere and deep expectation.
Content reference: Parent-child world