# Have a heart to find lemon psychology #
Lemon Psychology 丨 Author
Lemon Psychology &QQ Music 丨 Audio
Pexels, Pixabay, Network 丨 Image Source
01
I don't know if you will also be like this:
It is always the habit of showing the best side to outsiders, and throwing moody bad tempers to those close to them.
When they calm down and think back, they will be annoyed, regretful, guilty, and feel that their impulses have hurt them.
Such a phenomenon actually exists in everyone's life, when we get along with people close to us, we will always involuntarily vent our negative emotions, impulsive and hurtful words blurt out.
Why is that?
This is because the basic attribute of each of us is social, and the interaction between people constitutes social relations.
When we are in a strange social relationship: our own defense mechanism will be activated, for example, you will analyze whether other people's words and deeds have other intentions, or when others complain to you, you obviously do not want to listen, but you will still go along with each other, show empathy, which is a manifestation of defense, so that you can be prepared to protect yourself at any time, and it is also conducive to establishing a stable social relationship with others.
In turn, when we are in a familiar environment: accompanied by people close to us, this self-defense mechanism will be diluted, and we will not worry too much about whether the people around us will hate themselves or leave themselves, so we will show a self-centered, self-centered state, and once we hear words that are contrary to our own wishes, we will refute or even scold without mercy.
Although such a phenomenon can be understood, I will give you an example:
Someone else pokes you with a nail, you may hurt a little, and the patience will pass, but if you poke every day, how long can you endure?
When the pain is unbearable, can you guarantee that you will not fight back?
The consequences can be even more severe.
Therefore, under the impulsive emotion, the words and behaviors you say to the people close to you are like poking each other with a nail, if you don't want to make the relationship bad, then you must try to adjust and control yourself when you realize your own problems, so as to avoid hurting the people who really love us, and also prevent yourself from harming yourself.
02
When you are with your loved ones in life, doing the following may help you to more objectively recognize your current state, so as to have less impulse and better control of your emotions.
1. Proactively postpone your response time
Most of the time, we talk and think later, such as:
The wife said: Rest early and play less on the phone.
My husband blurted out that I can't entertain you if you play with your phone?
This is typical of talking without consideration, mistaking the wife's concern for deliberately picking faults against yourself.
Then at this time, I suggest that you take the initiative to adjust the time of your reply, if you usually call back or reply to WeChat within one second, then adjust it to three seconds before replying.
Don't underestimate this short three seconds, during this time you will most likely calm down, which will reduce the chance of being manipulated by bad emotions.
2. Remind yourself that the other person is well-intentioned
Or the example above:
The husband feels targeted, impulsive will immediately define the wife as the opposite, but the wife's original intention is not to want the husband to stay up late, look at the mobile phone to affect the quality of sleep, the next day the work will be no spirit.
So, the husband can briefly engage in a self-question and answer: Is the wife deliberately interrupting my entertainment? Is she trying to put pressure on me?
In fact, it is not, then the wife must be well-intentioned, if you scold the wife, it is hurting her love for herself.
As long as you always remind yourself that the people closest to you are impossible to oppose yourself, let alone deliberately hurt yourself, then the impulse will naturally disappear.
3. Lower expectations and requirements
In fact, many times we are inexplicably angry, from our expectations and requirements:
For example, we expect the other half to tacitly pour a cup of brown sugar water for the physiological period of their own, but the other party does not realize, and knows overtime against the computer;
For example, if you work hard all day to get hygienic to welcome each other off work, the other party can't see your labor efforts at all, and you go home and sleep upside down.
When we are able to allow each other's carelessness, allow the other party to focus on work, and so on, and appropriately lower our own expectations and requirements, anger and dissatisfaction will be correspondingly reduced.
However, it is still necessary to remind that lowering the requirements of expectations does not mean that there is no bottom line to condone each other, there are problems and dissatisfaction, timely expression and communication, in order to truly solve the problem.
Interaction between people is a very delicate thing, this is true for outsiders, especially for intimate people, we must always remember, do not let their impulsive words hurt them, no matter when and where to be kind to those who love themselves and care about themselves.
-The End-