In orange listening counseling, people often ask, "How can I change my spouse or seek help?"
When you start looking to improve your marriage, you're likely to run into resistance, and that resistance is most likely coming from the person you want to change – your spouse.
Yes, one can change – but only in this condition
You'll hear a lot of excuses:
"Accept the real me."
"We can solve this problem ourselves."
"There's nothing we can do anymore."
"Marriage counseling is a waste of money and time."
"What's the point of all this?"
"I don't like it, my heart is not on it."
Maybe beyond excuses, you can feel that your partner is no longer interested in you and that they're not willing to put in the effort for it. At worst, they don't think anything needs to change. When you are extremely dissatisfied with your relationship, they may think that everything is fine.
If any of the above is true for you, I assure you that you are not alone.
People often ask "How do I get them to change?" I understand your frustration, but you have to listen to the answers so you can continue to save your marriage.
The following orange listening brings you the answer...
I know what you're thinking: "They have to change, I can't stand it anymore." Or "When I keep telling them how important this is to me, they should change." ”
Here's the thing. It is widely believed that we resist change. But this is not the case. We are changing all the time, especially when we choose a new path.
If you look closely, you will find that what we resist is not change, but human nature, which does not like to impose on us.
Now, if we take a moment to think about this, it becomes very true. When we feel like we're being forced, or feel like we've been manipulated, we run far. By contrast, when we choose to make a change, we are ready to respond head-on.
This is the most important part!
Your spouse must think that change is their idea. They also want a happy marriage. No one wants pain or conflict. They want to change, but only if they can start to change themselves.
Your partner will change when they are ready to change, not before they change. You can't "control" them. The more you push them, the more they will turn away. I understand that you don't want to sit and do nothing but you have to let them choose for themselves.
Listen attentively! Orange listens to the advice to back off. If you've always wanted your spouse to make a change, give him/her a breathing space.
Instead, let's focus on your changes and how you will save your marriage.
So, what we're going to do is... We want to work for your change and be an inspiring example for your spouse.
For every positive change you make in your life, other things will change with it, moving in a better direction – and that has a knock-on effect.
You will focus on making positive changes in your life that will be reflected in your marriage and have a chain reaction in your partner. You'll let them know how your choices make you feel about yourself and your marriage.
You'll be surprised to learn that they'll soon join you and make a difference for themselves, and then you can band together to create a happier, more loving marriage.
When they make a choice, it's up to them. You're 50% of this equation, and if you put in the effort, you can have more than 80% of the influence – so you can have a lot of influence.
I understand this when I see the results of those who follow my advice.
Start today! Start working on being the change you want to see in the relationship. Come up with 3 actions you can take now to express your love, gratitude, and concern for them. List them on your phone and make them a daily habit.