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Happy people are healed by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are curing their childhood all their lives.
In a simple sentence, the impact of childhood on a person is vividly portrayed. Many people who are not loved from childhood or who have an unhappy childhood will take too much from the outside when they become adults.
If there is a lack of love, it will ask for love, which is especially evident in the relationship between the sexes.
Why is it that girls who lack fatherly love from childhood are more likely to like middle-aged uncles when they grow up? The reason is here, this Oedipal complex is closely related to childhood experiences.
That's why, when I read Jane Eyre by the British writer Charlotte Brontë, I kept thinking about the question: If Jane Eyre met Mr. Rochester when she was not eighteen, but twenty-eight or thirty-eight, would she still fall in love with him?
The two people have a full twenty-year age difference, and eighteen-year-old Jane Ai, like a blank piece of paper, has never seen the world, has not experienced anything, and has not loved anyone.
In this case, she who lacked love since childhood was easily attracted by the mature temperament of Mr. Rochester, so that she could not control it and loved deeply.
This, even Jane Loves herself has said, she said that for Mr. Rochester, at first it was not love, but a kind of warmth of affection that she had never experienced before:
"I'm more than happy to embrace the new ideas he offers. He raised his hands and threw his hands and feet unrestrained, so that I no longer felt painfully embarrassed. He was friendly and honest with me, both decent and warm, which made me want to be closer to him even more. ”
It can be seen from this passage that Jane Eyre was attracted to him because he learned a lot of useful things in him, he was a very thoughtful person, he had seen a lot of the world, and his experience was useless to Jane Eyre.
After a long period of contact, Jane Ai couldn't help but sigh:
"I feel very happy, very satisfied, no longer longing for myself to have relatives, and the gaps in my life have been filled."
This is the embodiment of a girl who lacks love from childhood, and when she grows up, she asks for love from the outside. She was an orphan, had never been loved by her family, had never experienced what love was, so if someone was kind to herself, she would easily fall.
From a psychological point of view, the attitude and performance of those girls who lack love in life and love are different from ordinary people. In general, the more the following characteristics are lacking, the more obvious they are.
One: Sensitive and inferior, not confident in many things
Women who lack love have not been well loved since childhood, so when they become adults, they will be extremely unconfident in many things. They are easy to deny themselves, not active enough in many things, even if they meet someone they really like, they will hesitate and hesitate to move forward.
They are inferior, and this inferiority may take a long time to improve.
Only by constantly encouraging yourself, demanding yourself, and becoming better and better can you slowly grasp the dominance of life. What is missing from childhood, you have to find it yourself.
In the book "A Lifetime of Intimacy", the idea is put forward: when only one person is willing to explore his past, he has the opportunity to regain the control of love from the past model.
Having the courage to accept your past is the first step, don't deny the experience, accept it, and then create a new life.
Two: Seek perfection in everything, desire to get love, and please the personality
The flattering personality is the key research object in the field of psychological research, and people with this type of personality often hide the real needs in their hearts, and they will wronged themselves in order to cater to others.
My heart longs for recognition, attention and love, but I don't dare admit it. In the final analysis, it is because of lack of confidence and fear of rejection by others.
Japanese writer Osamu Dazai's "Human Disqualification" portrays the flattering personality to the extreme.
The hero in the book is not loved since childhood, and is forced to suppress himself in order to cater to most people. If everyone says yes, he will follow suit, even if he thinks it's not good at all.
This act of hiding one's true self is actually a typical manifestation of a flattering personality.
In life, many people have similar tendencies, they are afraid of not getting into the community. When everyone is doing something, even if he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't dare to make a special one, and can only be forced to do it.
Such people often live very tired, because the more they cater, the more they deviate from their true selves.
Three: easy to be emotional, low sense of self-worth
In addition to the above two characteristics, another extremely obvious feature of people who lack love is that they are easily emotional and have a very low sense of self-worth.
This kind of person often pays special attention to what others say or do, even if it is a small thing, he will think a lot, and then think of himself and feel that it is his own fault.
Their emotions are also reflected in the fact that they are always unable to reconcile with their inner selves, one second they are happy, the next they fall into a depressed mood, and they can't get out.
Such a psychology can easily affect work and life, and popularity will also be affected. When others think that you have a glass heart, even talking to you will be carefully considered, quite tired.
American interpersonal relationship master Dale Carnegie once said: "Love is not who is going to please whom, but there is a person who likes the real you, you just need to be yourself." 」 ”
One day, we will all meet people who truly love us, so there is no need to suppress and hide our true selves. If a person really loves you, he will love you as you are, not you with a mask.
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