"I'm fine" When you ask him how, will your child say that? But is he really okay?
Have you found yourself habitually responding with "I'm fine", but how "annoyed" we actually are, the unreal feeling in this is so real. Most of the time, we say "I'm fine" precisely because we don't want to expose our troubles, and a lot of times, regardless of how we actually feel, "I'm fine" looks and says is just a more convenient response.
If we, as adults, have experienced this, what would our children look like when they say, "I'm fine." Or rather, do we need to ask ourselves why children feel the need to "specially" show that everything is fine?
A survey proves that Chinese parents are most concerned about the cost of living and whether our children can find jobs and have successful careers.
In fact, this can put pressure on children to do better and affect their understanding of what "success" means, while prompting them to set high expectations for themselves.
Although our education system has taken steps to improve social orientation through double reduction and vocational education, some parents and students still face great pressure, especially academic and other (hobby) learning pressures.
Outside of school, children now need to deal with society's growing emphasis on social comparison. Our young people are digital natives, and many may be trying to impress others with perfect social media posts, competing with each other for the most views and likes.
Yet when did the quest for excellence become a more sinister problem of unhealthy perfectionism, fear of appearing weak and vulnerable in front of others? When unrealistic standards are not met, the voices of self-criticism equate mistakes, failures, and sometimes even lack of praise with shame and bad.
Moreover, in addition to the pressure that the child puts on himself, the parent may also inadvertently put pressure on the child through kind help.
In fact, the more parents intervene in their children's attempts to solve problems, the more afraid they become of making mistakes. This poor "perfectionism" means that children will pay too much attention to their mistakes and think that others have high expectations of them, so instead of helping your child solve the problem, give them time to solve the problem on their own first.
If your child makes a mistake, parents should reassure them of their strengths or what they do well before correcting their mistakes. This will teach children not to be afraid to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to be more willing to ask for help when needed.
Sometimes, saying "I'm fine" is just a way for kids to avoid facing difficult thoughts and emotions. Especially during the pandemic, most families experience a chain reaction of economic and social pressures to varying degrees. Many young people are struggling to catch up and prepare for exams, and for older people, they are worried about their prospects for further education and employment.
Some might think, "I should have worked harder to deal with it." Some may choose to rely on self-reliance: "I shouldn't be relying on others to solve my problems." ”
However, these two "should" mentalities contribute to the psychological barriers your child may encounter when asking for help. They may not realize they need help, or they may not realize that the problem is too serious to need help. How do children know if their stress and emotional pain is something "more" serious than trying to cope with it on their own?
The first step is to encourage them to become vulnerable and share their thoughts so that parents can skip the surface and understand what their child really thinks and feels.
It's certainly okay to ask for help, and with a slight change of mindset, you can help your child move from saying "I'm fine" to "It's okay."
Their self-critical voices need to be retrained to sing different tunes, and it's okay to make mistakes, at least to make them understand that mistakes are not the end of the story. Help them realize that failure is an essential part of life's growth process.
Guide them to temper their expectations and be kind to themselves when they encounter problems. This will help them cope more effectively and bounce back when they encounter difficulties.
Your child needs to be taught the voice of self-reliance to understand that everyone has limitations and that social support can be found to share their struggles. They can ask their peers, teachers, or parents for help and support.
Overall, when you truly know how to take care of your child's mental health and enhance them, children will have the resilience to meet current challenges and they will be better prepared for the future.