Flaubert once commented on the nobility of women:
"A woman with nobility, either she was born an aristocrat.
Instead, she maintained her aristocratic style and dignity until she grew old. ”
In this world, time is a woman's greatest enemy, and wrinkles will climb on the tight face.
But at the same time, time is also a woman's best friend.
She can make the charm of a woman continue to precipitate, exuding a noble and charming temperament.
As director Chen Chong said:
"A woman who knows how to live, halfway through life, is the best time to start the curtain."
People are middle-aged, and those women who live more and more noblely often have these 4 habits.
No loss of self-cultivation, dignified atmosphere
Many times, we always equate a woman's nobility with pearlescent treasure.
But as Audrey Hepburn put it:
"A woman's charm is not external, and the truly beautiful temperament must be reflected in the depths of her soul."
The nobility of a middle-aged woman comes from the cultivation precipitated in the long years.
Without this cultivation, any external decoration will become impossible.
On the contrary, even if it is difficult, a woman can still be elegant.
In 1967, the 52-year-old Zheng Nian was framed for working for a foreign company and suffered injustice.
In an instant, there is nothing.
The cell in which she was being held was even more harsh: the bed was a rough narrow plank of wood, the walls were cracked, cobwebs were hanging everywhere, and a dim light bulb kept going out all night.
The guards told her that if she voluntarily confessed her guilt or exposed others, she could be transferred to a better cell or even released.
Zheng Nian refused:
"What you haven't done, you don't have to admit, what others haven't done, you can't be wronged, this is the most basic cultivation of people."
During her days in her cell, she cleaned her room twice a day, made paste from rice grains, and pasted her hand paper against the walls to prevent dust from falling on the table.
She sewed two more towels together to make a cushion, and whenever someone came to visit, even if it was the guard who interrogated her, she carefully set up a chair for the other person.
Everyone in the cell laughed at her: "It's so miserable, and it's so exquisite!" ”
However, in just half a year, the people who were imprisoned together have long been disheveled and muddy every day.
Only Zheng Nian, although he was also wearing worn-out clothes, did not diminish the nobility and elegance of the past.
In fact, not only Zheng Nian will encounter hardships in life, but also countless women.
Once middle-aged, all kinds of problems come: aging parents, growing children, a lot of expenses...
Picking out any one can make an ordinary day become chaotic.
But in fact, the most important thing for the rest of a woman's life is not the situation, but the state of mind.
Improving self-cultivation is precisely such a choice.
Choose not to let the outside world disturb the heart, do not lose yourself in the comparison, calm and calm, in order to live freely and decently.
Stick to your own thinking, don't follow the crowd
You must have heard such a voice:
They're all, and they're running out all day, like that.
"Since your family already has men working outside, why are you still fighting like this?"
"When women reach a certain age, they must know how to spend their energy on cultivating the next generation."
In this world, there are always many preset characters to match women of all ages.
For middle-aged women, people are more habitually judged, and their inner selves are often ignored.
As everyone knows, before a woman becomes a good wife and a good mother, she first becomes a good self.
Instead of following the expectations of others, polished by the voices of the outside world.
Only by following the inner self and cultivating the habit of independent thinking can we get the life we want.
In the classic "Gone with the Wind" there is such a story:
During the Civil War, Atlanta and its surrounding townships were reduced to rubble.
In order to collect the arrears, Hao Sijia redeemed her manor and had to marry Frank, a merchant in the city.
At the time, there were notices of recruiting home builders all over atlanta.
Hao Sijia thought that if the city continued to rebuild after the war, the demand for wood would be very large.
She proposed to her husband that she open a lumber shop in the south of the city, which was strongly opposed by her husband and neighbors.
In their view, Scarlett hao is married and has a daughter, and showing her face will shame her husband.
Moreover, if she runs a shop, she will have to talk business with the men in the city, which is even more deviant.
Scarlett Hao replied:
"You are against me, it is not that I have done anything wrong, but because I am a woman, I should not be so.
But you never thought that in fact, women can have different ways of living. ”
Without the support of her family, Hao Sijia asked her friend to borrow money and insisted on opening her own wood shop.
Later, Frank was shot in a duel, and Scarlett became a single mother raising two children alone.
The neighbors who had advised her to keep to herself could not rely on her except for a few words of pity.
Instead, she relied on the timber business and successfully survived the most difficult times.
In this world, no one can take responsibility for your life.
The most important thing a woman should know is to know what she wants and choose what she wants.
As it is said in The Second Sex:
"The greatest luck of a woman is not to be asked to accept everything, but to embark on a path of her own."
If you live the first half of your life in the eyes of the outside world, it is better to give the second half of your life back to yourself.
Listen to the voice of the heart, in the second half of life, live as a beam of light of your own.
There are thorns on the body, and I am not afraid to show my sharp edge
Writer Zhang Xiaoxian once received a letter from a reader.
Married for many years, this reader is busy with work and housework, and in order to repay the loan, even his clothes are worn by his sister.
She also brought up her two daughters, preferring to sacrifice her rest time rather than let her husband worry.
However, she gave everything for the family in exchange for her husband's cheating.
When she thought of her children, she did not have the courage to have a showdown with her husband, and could only say in a letter to Zhang Xiaoxian, constantly pouring out and asking:
"Am I not good enough? Did I fail to fulfill my duties as a wife and mother? Why did he do this to me? ”
Zhang Xiaoxian replied:
"You're good everywhere, but one thing is bad, you're too good!"
Marriage is like this, and so is life.
It is often said that women should be kind and considerate, which is beyond reproach.
But once the kindness is excessive and loses the necessary sharp edge, it will bring disaster to life.
Because when the world is accustomed to a woman's appearance without thorns, it will not take into account the cost of hurting her.
Last June, I jumped ship to a joint venture.
Coincided with the launch of a new office system, but the process of applying for permission was cumbersome and the interface was still in German.
Because I had read books in Germany and successfully completed the permission application, my colleagues asked me to help check the progress and change the information.
I think it's a show of hands, and when I first arrived, I wanted to make a good impression, so I didn't refuse.
Until one time, my daughter's school was about to hold a parent-teacher conference, and I was in a hurry to leave work, when several colleagues still stopped me with a long list of projects and asked me to help them check and then leave.
One of them said: "The whole department is a system for you, you don't check who will check it." ”
I finally understood that my efforts had never bought a good impression, just made them think I was very useful.
Since then, I no longer help to check the information, and colleagues who want to use the system must apply for permission themselves.
As a result, my workload was much lower and the expected isolation did not occur.
On the contrary, I have shown the bottom line, and my interactions with colleagues have begun to have a sense of proportion, and each of them is more comfortable.
I like a passage from "My Middle-Aged Rebellion":
"People who are middle-aged, especially women, should learn to be a less annoying role."
Only when you show your sharp edge on what you don't like, do you have enough patience for what you love. ”
Everyone's energy is limited, and middle-aged women have countless things to worry about.
Learn to bring some thorns to your body, rather than rejecting people.
Instead, it is to allocate energy wisely and avoid turning life into a long consumable in the endless demand.
Invest in yourself, dare to choose and take responsibility
The writer YiShu once said:
"A woman's real 'nobility' comes from her sense of security in the face of life."
When we were young, we pinned our security on cars, houses, and men.
Only after half a lifetime did I find that the car would depreciate, the house would be ruined, and the people's hearts would change.
In this world, a woman's only lasting sense of security is self-sufficiency.
Think of the painter Pan Su during the Republic of China period.
Born into a famous family, she originally had a carefree life.
However, when she was 15 years old, her father failed in business and sold her to qinglou at the instigation of his stepmother.
At that time, the people around them relied on beauty to please guests, and Pan Su was appreciated by the contemporary celebrity Zhang Boju through ascetic piano practice, and the two later married.
After Pan Su married Zhang Boju, relatives and friends envied her good fate, and she did not have to live a hard life anymore.
She did not have the slightest intention of enjoying happiness, but spent more time studying ancient chinese and painting.
In three years, she not only pondered the long-lost painting method of green landscapes, but also made friends with many authoritative scholars in the literary world.
In 1942, Zhang Boju was kidnapped on his way home, and the bandits sent Pan Su a ransom bill.
In exchange for an ordinary woman, I am afraid that there are already six gods and no masters, but Pan Su is calm and self-assured.
She first repaid most of the ransom with her years of savings, and then used her connections to persuade the kidnappers to reduce the remaining ransom.
After Zhang Boju returned home, he found that he had collected antiques, and Pan Su had not sold any of them, and he respected her more since then.
There is a saying on the Internet that goes well: "No matter how luxurious the co-pilot is, it is better to hold the steering wheel himself." ”
The woman's initiative in this life is not in the flattering relationship, but in her own hands.
Make it a habit to invest in yourself and never be late to start.
The books you've read now, the skills you've mastered, the careers you've persevered in, may soon bring about change.
But they are all subtly nourishing you, and one day it will bring a very different life.
▽
There is a hot discussion on Zhihu: "When you are over 40 years old, will you envy a 20-year-old girl?" ”
GaoZan replied:
"You are now the result of time.
The beauty in you at this moment must not be what you can have when you are 20 years old. ”
Yes, the beauty of youth is floating on the surface, bright and intense but short and thin.
Only after years of polishing, the external beauty will sink into the heart and become more and more abundant.
The nobility emitted by a middle-aged woman is something that a young girl can never imitate.
After experiencing the ups and downs of the world, tasting the bitterness and bitterness of life, those gentleness and independence, sharpness and sobriety soaked in time, are your most generous gifts to yourself.
Click [in the look], may you walk to middle age, gradually into a better state, the years are just right, the wind is flourishing.