Zhang Xiaoxian: I used to think that sadness would shed a lot of tears. It turns out that real sadness can't shed a single tear. Everything will pass, and that's how we all come to life.
43-year-old Ni Hongjie recently made public: divorced, has a baby, and is currently in love.
The words are concise and concise, the words are thousands of gold, and the words are gripping.
Married in 1999
In June 1978, Ni Hongjie was born in Changshu City, Jiangsu Province, to a family of intellectuals. After her parents went to the countryside, she has been rooted in Changshu, and Ni Hongjie returned to Shanghai when she was 1 year old, living with her grandmother and aunt.
The relationship between Ni Hongjie and her parents is very distant, which can be said to be strange. Since childhood, she has been insecure and very inferior. Ni Hongjie has been strictly tutored since childhood, very quiet and introverted, and likes to be alone.
In elementary school, Ni Hong was black and thin, and often changed schools, resulting in her being insecure for a while. She didn't think she was good-looking until high school, and it wasn't until high school that anyone would write her love letters, and she realized that she was beautiful.
Living with her grandmother and aunt, she has always been very good at looking at people's eyes and never dared to express too many emotions.
The absence of her parents since childhood made Ni Hongjie long to be loved in her heart. In 1999, 22-year-old Ni Hongjie married her boyfriend, who was 7 years older than herself. The reason why I found a boyfriend who is 7 years older than myself is also a manifestation of the lack of father's love to some extent.
She longed for a home. Every winter and summer vacation, she thinks that she has no sense of family belonging, her parents are in one place, and every time she just adapts, she has to leave.
After getting married, she naturally regarded her new home as the last belonging of her soul.
Ended the suffocating marriage
From marriage in 1999 to divorce in 2009, this love lasted for 10 years.
The feeling of suffocation, this is Ni Hongjie's summary of this ten-year marriage.
The trigger for divorce was the ex-husband's debt.
Ni Hongjie's ex-husband was a businessman, because the business was not smooth, and later lost money. In order to support her husband's business, she sold the house her mother bought for her in Shanghai, plus her own filming savings to make up 3 million. Later, her husband lost money again, and she went everywhere to borrow money for him.
On the second night of the Chinese New Year of a certain year, Ni Hongjie and his wife and sister-in-law talked about the arrears, which suddenly stimulated the fragile and strong heart of her ex-husband, and he resolutely proposed a divorce.
"Mixed feelings", this is Ni Hongjie's mixed feelings after hearing the divorce. In the 10 years of marriage, every scene has appeared in front of her eyes, she has never thought of divorce, but wants to share the hardships with her ex-husband.
Ni Hongjie is a very simple and simple woman, privately she did not buy brand-name bags, she did not pursue these external substances.
The ex-husband could so easily give up a 10-year marriage. Ni Hongjie's heart is complicated.
The ex-husband left that night, not expecting him to regret it the next day. Unfortunately, Ni Hongjie had already packed her bags and left the next day.
She was no longer willing to look back.
These 10 years of marriage, for Ni Hongjie, there are good and bad, happy and unhappy. It was all her life experience.
If this marriage left her the most precious thing, it should be her son.
The son was reluctant to call her mother
People, sometimes, are just weird. Not seeing each other for a while can become strangers.
Ni Hongjie revealed that in the year before her divorce, her relationship with her son was still very harmonious. Later, their mother-son relationship underwent a qualitative change. The son regarded her as an enemy.
It turned out that all these contradictions came from the former mother-in-law. The son grew up with his grandmother, and his relationship with his mother Ni Hongjie was not so close, but he was very close to his grandmother.
After the divorce, Ni Hongjie wanted to take her son out to dinner. The former mother-in-law deliberately ridiculed her son, and the son cried that he did not go out to dinner with his mother, and the food made by his grandmother was delicious.
Later, the son did not want to call her mother, but directly called her by her name. This made Ni Hongjie feel sad in her heart, she did not want her son to face a choice at a young age.
Between mom and grandma, the younger son chose the latter. Ni Hongjie grew up not with her parents since she was a child, and she knew her son's cautious appearance in front of her grandmother.
She was so distressed that there was nothing she could do about it.
Why divorce doesn't fight for custody
Why didn't you fight for custody of your son when you divorced? If you fight for the custody of your son, your son can at least grow up with his mother, and he will not be so distant from his son.
If you have a choice, between the mother and the grandmother, the child will inevitably be biased towards the front. There will be no such embarrassing mother-child relationship as it is now.
Ni Hongjie does not dare to let her son make a choice now, and the only hope is that her son will improve when he grows up.
Now 43 years old, Ni Hongjie is still full of powerlessness for her son. Maybe this is the price of life, choosing to be easy will naturally lose.
How to bring a baby?
Ni Hongjie claimed that when she was 30 years old, she basically did nothing at home, and her son was taken care of by her former mother-in-law as soon as she was born.
The only thing she can do is go out and make money by filming.
At the time of the divorce, her ex-husband owed more than 10 million yuan in debt. Her bank card, house and car were frozen, and she was penniless.
Why doesn't divorce with children? Ni Hongjie: No money, how to bring a baby?
Ni Hongjie still remembers that when filming "The Tale of Wulin", she shot an episode of 2,000 yuan, which was still the highest paid actor in it.
For Ni Hongjie, what she wants most after the divorce is to pay off her debts, and she will not take a baby, and she will not be able to take good care of the children in the crew.
Under the trade-off, she chose to let her son follow his father, and the environment of her ex-husband's family was more suitable for the child's growth. That way the trajectory of your child's life doesn't change. She can accompany her son during breaks.
However, Ni Hongjie thought everything too simple. Even when there is no scene, she cannot accompany her son.
This is Ni Hongjie's deep regret for her son. I believe that if you can choose again, Ni Hongjie should be able to eliminate all difficulties and take her son with her.
Talking about her son now, there was a hint of a smile on her bitter face. Why can you still laugh out, in Ni Hongjie's words, it has all passed. Everything will get better and better.
Although the memories are bitter, they are also sweet.
As Zhang Xiaoxian said: Life without memories is inevitably pale.
The new boyfriend has been together for 10 years
In 2013, Ni Hongjie met an executive director in the crew. When they first met, she saw a tall, thin boy teasing a cat at the door.
Since both people love cats. In this way, the two people naturally came together.
If there is a man who only has 9,000 yuan on him, he is willing to spend 5,000 yuan for you. The same man with a net worth of 1 million is only willing to spend 100,000 yuan for you, that is different.
This is where Ni Hongjie was most moved. She thinks the man has put her in the most important position. When he went to Lanzhou to shoot a movie, his boyfriend only had 9,000 yuan left, and he spent 3,000 yuan to buy a storm jacket for her, and also spent 2,000 yuan to buy a coffee pot.
This is the place that most impressed Ni Hongjie. Today, Ni Hongjie and her boyfriend still live in her small house of 50 square meters, although the house is not large, it is very warm, because there is love.
After 10 years of love, Ni Hongjie is full of gratitude for this love. The boyfriend gave her full of security and warmth.
Zhang Xiaoxian said: One day, you will smile at the pain of the past. You will thank the man who left you, who is not worthy of your love, your goodness, your obsession. After all, he was not the one who was destined. Fortunately he wasn't.