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Hermann Hesse: "I have no right to judge the lives of others, I can only judge myself." ”
Everyone has their own position, and it is never appropriate to judge the lives of others from their own standpoint. Your own position only applies to yourself, you are so, others are the same, if you feel that you can't get along with others, look at others unfavorably, don't let each other intersect.
The emotional thing is the most so, you think the person you love must be how, the person you love thinks you must be, if the requirements of both sides can not meet each other, it is not suitable to live together, otherwise it will only find unhappiness for both parties.
There is such a problem in the experience of a reader's divorce, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I actually planted three heels on the same woman, and looking back, I really felt that I was not worth it.
At the beginning of the blind date, when I was young, even if she did not appreciate my kindness to her, I did not have much touch, felt that it was not appropriate to be together, I did not have to marry her.
Later, under the mediation of the parents of both sides, there was a second three-view discord, which was still the same problem, and I tried my best to be good to her, but she was not appreciative and was always dissatisfied with me, so she separated again.
By the time I was matched again, I was over thirty years old, and perhaps out of panic about age, I was not as open as before, always cautious in my dealings with her, always unconditionally meeting all her requirements in addition to trying to be nice to her.
She said that her brother's two children were in charge of her, and I always bought gifts for both children in order to make a good impression on her. She said she was going to be filial to her mother, so I honored her mother as if she were my own mother, and bought her a car so that she wouldn't have to work too hard every day.
And guess what? Just because she wanted lipstick, I bought it for her a few days late, and she turned her face and didn't recognize anyone, saying that I didn't understand romance, saying that I was not good to her, and saying that I was not her ideal lover. I can't figure it out, is the ideal lover just unconditionally making her a cash cow?
It always felt like she was deliberate, pretending to be reconciled to me was spending my money, and when she got bored, she turned her face and didn't recognize anyone. This time compared to the previous two times, I lost a lot, the car that gave her, plus the loss of the bride price and the engagement, I lost at least 100,000 yuan.
Even if I really have something that makes her unhappy, the problem is, I'm human too, I have needs, I also need to be loved, what has she done for me? Thinking about it, I can't help but feel wronged.
After retiring from her marriage this time, I made a hard effort to blacken her, and after completely cutting off the possibility of compounding, I finally felt relieved, although I lost 100,000 pieces, I was very happy, and finally did not have to waste time and money on her. More importantly, I will not blindly pay in the future, anyway, I am already over thirty years old, I can get married, I can't get married, even if I can't get married, I don't want to let myself live so restrained anymore, I hope the teacher can support and encourage me.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
After reading the reader's experience, I wanted to send him such a sentence: Those who do not love you are all passers-by, and they want to go with him, and there is no need to keep them.
This sentence applies not only to him, but also to others when dealing with feelings. Like the sentence we mentioned at the beginning, you have your position, and whether you are satisfied with others or not, you have to judge from your own position.
Judging from your point of view that others do not love you, then he is just a passer-by in life for you. Passers-by have the position of passers-by, passers-by have the idea of passing guests, he has no intention of staying by your side at all, even if he stays by your side for the time being, it is only to add to your blockage, you still love a strength, when he wants to leave, you still have a strength, you should beat the gong and drum to celebrate.
The reason why some people cannot practice such a belief is either because they are timid and afraid of their heads; or because they care too much about the eyes of others, even if they give up inappropriate feelings, they are afraid of being gossiped.
When encountering such a problem, no one can make a decision for you, you know that you should let go but dare not let go, and you deserve to die of pain, because you have chosen not to let go. In addition, you need to understand that giving up feelings that are not suitable for you is wisdom, giving up meaningful feelings is stupid, you have to scare yourself, wisdom as stupid, then you are stupid.