On the weekend, I saw a scene in the playground: a child broke the rules of the game, and also occupied the toys, all the children could see that they were very angry, but no one said a word, only one child went up to the child to ask for the toy, but because of the small size, he lost the battle, and the child finally threw all the toys around him to the ground, and sat on the ground and cried...
Although the mother next to her was embarrassed, she did not scold the child because she felt humiliated, but said lightly: "Let her finish her temper, this is her defense of her own interests, with crying to express dissatisfaction and resistance." ”
Young children, there are emotions know how to vent, there is no bad, this is not a poor personality, nor is it a manifestation of bad habits, but a signal to parents to grow, therefore, parents through correct guidance, in fact, can turn "bad" things into good things. Parents should understand that children who love to lose their temper are the greatest blessing of a family.
Children have no temper, which is the real repression
Those who have watched "Little Joy" all think that Ying Zi is a child who is suitable for other people's families, she is well-behaved and obedient, she understands that it is not easy for her mother to raise her alone, and she also understands her mother's expectations of her, so no matter how much pressure to learn and how demanding her mother is, she is very sensible and well-behaved, and she does not easily reveal her emotions and pressure.
However, emotions that have been suppressed for too long have not been effectively expressed, and things will happen over time. She began to hallucinate and start to lose sleep, all of which her mother did not know. Until Hideko's emotions were out of control, running away from home, and even about to have a light life, her mother was still difficult to accept: "How did my child, who has always been well-behaved, become like this?" ”
In fact, all things happen, there is no "sudden" to say, the child does not lose his temper does not mean that there is no temper, she just chooses to hide, buried in the heart. Sensible children are often more terrible than children who love to lose their temper.
According to news reports, in 2019, a high school senior boy in Qidong County, Hengyang, jumped from the roof of the house where he lived and died on the spot. According to people around him, the child has always been an introverted and taciturn person, even if he is scolded by his family, he does not speak, and before jumping off the building, he did not find anything unusual.
Wu Zhihong mentioned in the book "Why The Family Hurts People": Children in adolescence, with rebellious tendencies, are normal. If you just listen to your parents, you will have two major consequences: either the child lacks vitality, or if it is more serious, it will be depressed or suicidal.
Therefore, when entering puberty, the child is still very obedient, and parents should actually be worried.
Children lose their temper harmlessly, and preventing tantrums is
When you think that the child is unreasonable, you shout loudly, or even beat the child, the child's emotions cannot be expressed, and anger and fear will internalize into a torrent. Children who frequently encounter such treatment will gradually become cautious, learn to look at the faces of adults, lose the temper and willfulness that children should have, and finally become inferior.
According to studies, the switch that controls emotions in the brain is the "amygdala", which is located in the upper brain and is responsible for generating emotions, recognizing emotions and regulating emotions.
Adults can control their emotions very well because the upper brains of adults have been formed, but children do not.
We can't ask children to be able to control their emotions like adults, and doing so will only cause harm to the child's heart and brain.
Child psychologist Dr. Deborah McNamara once said that tantrums are harmless in themselves, and it is necessary to stop tantrums.
Parents use their own words and deeds to drink the temper outside the child's body, but they cannot suppress the anger in the body. The right thing to do is for parents to give their child a hug and tell him that all emotions are natural and you don't have to learn to be patient.
A child's tantrum is the best time for parents to educate
When the child loses his temper, it is the best time for parents to educate, as long as the parents do a good job of positive communication, it is not difficult to harvest a child with high emotional intelligence.
Encourage your child to lose his temper
Behind every temper there are reasons and appeals, saying to the child", "It's okay to be angry", "You can cry for a while, your mother is here with you all the time...".
Give your child help instead of criticizing
After the child has relieved his emotions, guide the child to say how he feels, learn to listen, and if the needs are indeed reasonable, then they can be met. No, parents should also insist without hostility and tell their children the reason, and face it with their children.
Guide children to think and learn to deal with emotions
Every child will experience unsatisfactory things in their growth, so that they can learn to express their emotions reasonably and establish the correct three views, which is an important thing that parents need to do.
Please be patient, be patient, dear parents, accompany the child to see through the hidden needs behind the emotion, and then grasp, accept, and then solve it. Don't be blinded by the surface, the more fierce the person, in fact, the more fragile the heart, let's love the child who lost his temper!