When children grow up, they will inevitably encounter various problems. As a parent, don't rush to intervene at this time, you can ask your child eight questions first and listen to what they think. And often without asking a few questions, things are already clear and solved. Parents may wish to give it a try.
The first question is: "What happened?" ”
This question may seem inconspicuous, but it is very important. When many adults encounter an emergency, they will habitually judge too quickly: "You must hit him first, and he will hit you." "You must have done something wrong before the teacher punishes you." If we don't let the child talk about what happened from his point of view, it is likely to be wronged by the child. Moreover, if the child has the opportunity to speak, even if it is really his fault, he will be more willing to admit his mistake because he has the opportunity to defend himself.
The second question is: "How do you feel?" ”
The course of events is an objective fact, and the impact on the parties' hearts is purely subjective feelings, and it does not matter whether it is right or wrong. A lot of times, we just need to say what we feel. Once you say it, cry and scold, the mood will be much better. Brain science studies have shown that when a person's emotions are strong, external stimuli are not easily absorbed by the brain. That is to say, when a person still has emotions, he will not listen to what others say. It is always necessary to wait until his mood calms down before it is possible to think calmly. So if we want our child to be able to listen to us, we need to empathize with his feelings first, so that his emotions have an outlet.
After the child is calm enough, you can ask him
The third question is: "What do you want?" ”
At this time, no matter what the child says, don't rush to teach him a lesson, but calmly continue to ask him
The fourth question is: "So what do you think is the way to do it?" ”
At this stage, you may wish to do brainstorming with your child, thinking of all kinds of ideas, reasonable, unreasonable, absurd, ridiculous, disgusting, childish... The point of brainstorming is to allow any idea that seems nonsense. At this time, no matter what you hear, do not criticize or judge for the time being.
When you can't come up with any more ideas, ask him
The fifth question is: "What will be the consequences of these methods?" ”
Let the child examine it for himself, what will be the consequences of each method? You may be surprised to find that most children understand the consequences of things. If there is a gap in his cognition, you can discuss it with him at this time and let him understand the truth of reality. This is a great opportunity for parent-child communication, but to avoid preaching, just state the facts.
Then ask him:
The sixth question: "What do you decide to do?" ”
The child will definitely choose the situation that is most favorable to him, and if he understands the consequences, he will usually make the most reasonable and sensible choice. Even if his choice is not the outcome that the adult expects, respect the child's decision. Adults must be faithful in what they say, and cannot first ask him how to decide, and then tell him not to decide. In this way, he will never dare to trust you again. Moreover, even if he chooses to be wrong, he can learn more precious and unforgettable lessons from this mistake.
Then ask
The seventh question: "What do you want me to do?" ”
And expressed support.
Wait until things are over, ask him last
The eighth question is: "What was the result?" Is it as you might expect? Or, "The next time you encounter a similar situation, what will you choose?" ”
Give him the opportunity to examine his judgment.
Practice this a few times, and the child will have the ability to solve problems on his own, and we don't need to worry about it.
Classic Eight Questions:
The third question is, "What do you want?" ”
The fourth question is, "So what do you think is the way to do it?" ”
The fifth question is: "What will be the consequences of these methods?" ”
The sixth question is: "What do you decide to do?" ”
The seventh question is, "What do you want me to do?" ”
The eighth question is: "What is the result?" Is it as you might expect? ”
Or"Next time you encounter a similar situation, what will you choose?" ”
Parents who want their children to take responsibility for their actions cannot deprive their children of the opportunity to fulfill their responsibilities. Let the child deal with his own affairs and bear the consequences for his own decisions, so as to achieve the purpose of cultivating the child's sense of responsibility. Only in this way can children develop the ability to think independently and solve problems.
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Review: Li Tonghua
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Source: Worry-free Space Studio