Text | The male child accompanies me
Xiong Child said: The college entrance examination is wandering the streets, and the cultivation of children's "reverse business" has become a compulsory course in life. Xiongbao has sorted out three ways to improve the inverse quotient for everyone, hoping to help you.
Recently, on the streets of Tengzhou, Shandong, the reporter's lens accidentally focused on a homeless man. In a brief exchange, this wandering man who talked so much actually claimed to have graduated from Chinese University.
As the video circulated on the Internet, more and more people recognized him.
The original man's name was Chang Xuefu, who was a college entrance examination winner in Runan County, Henan Province, who was admitted to the "People's Congress" with more than 800 points and started a business in Shanghai after graduation. The business was unsuccessful, there was no news, and the encounter again has been reduced to a wanderer.
With excellent grades and joining the Kochi group, Chang Xuefu could have lived a comfortable life more easily, but the setbacks in his career made him discouraged and living on the streets in a disheveled manner. Such a realistic situation cannot be linked to his self-proclaimed "happiness" in any way.
Chang Xuefu represents a group of "school bullies" who have been destroyed by failure after entering the society, and more children have been bent by failure in the school.
The latest statistics from the Chinese Academy of Sciences show that the depression detection rate of Adolescents in China in 2021 is 24.6%, which means that nearly a quarter of primary and secondary school students may have a tendency to depression.
It can be seen that the "cultivation of reverse quotient" is a big lesson in life, but we still do not attach enough importance to it. How to let children face up to failure, self-regulation, and continue to work hard, Xiongbao shared three dimensions of education experience, hoping to help everyone.
1
Face up to failure
Learn to accept yourself
How to face failures and setbacks? If I had to answer it in just one word, I think it would be: self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance does not mean lying flat, not saying that you can get by with your eyes closed, nor is it about reading only the books of the sages, but you are no longer constantly asking yourself whether you are good or not, and asking yourself whether you look good enough.
In the general environment of test-taking education, children are placed in the grade system for "sorting", so children's cognition of themselves is also based on the "difference between themselves and others".
Therefore, if you want your child to accept themselves, you must help them find projects and groups that they really like before they are frustrated, so that values and achievements and rankings can be untied; after they are frustrated, ease their emotions, reduce judgment, and avoid making negative judgments about the future.
Children who can accept themselves will not be consumed in the emotions of fear and frustration, can focus on what they are doing at the moment, dismantle the goals, and then continue to grow and surpass themselves.
02
Self-regulation
Build love and a sense of belonging
Betty Smith wrote in "There's a Tree in Brooklyn" that children have to have a hidden world of family, love, and fairy tales.
This "hidden world" can provide a harbor of tolerance for children who encounter setbacks. In the process of strengthening parent-child relationships, brotherhood and friendship with children, we build a sense of love and belonging, and build an inclusive harbor for children who encounter setbacks.
Through the parent-child relationship, the child is distinguished between shame and guilt. The so-called sense of shame is that the child feels that he is a bad person, and the so-called guilt refers to "I did a worse job in this matter." In the face of frustrated children, parents should be "scientifically critical and gentle and encouraging."
Reinforcing brotherhood, that is, not publicly comparing children, nor solidifying roles, "how is the neighbor's child" can not be said in front of the child. At the same time, it is necessary to establish the core values of the family, make it the direction of the efforts of the whole family, and unite the whole family.
Friendship includes classmate relationships in school. It also includes the social circle of peer socialization in society, such as children's participation in interest classes. What we parents can do is to cultivate their children's empathy and empathy from an early age, and to cooperate and compete healthily.
03
Continue
Focus on self-improvement
Three methods to guide children to get up after falling, and use "success" to overcome "failure".
Emotional management: prevent children from attacking themselves, and use "60 points long live".
Of course, we don't want the child to do things only 60 points, but when the child is afraid of failure and wants to try new things, you can tell him: don't set too high a goal when you do this, just make a little progress than your own ability.
Effective method: disassemble steps, focus on small progress, and give effective praise.
Let's not let the child get emotional, don't guide him to compare with other children, but to carry out positive guidance, break down what you want to do into small steps, pay attention to small progress, and give praise in time.
Smart guidance: Emphasize the contrast between the past and the present, guide the growth mindset, and then build a sense of purpose.
Of course, smart parents can not only set goals for their children, choose some good and suitable projects for children, and expand their children's social circles, but also be good at guiding children to cultivate recovery ability and guide children into that state of concentration and flow.
Xiongbao Postscript
When asked what is wandering, Chang Xuefu said that he mainly hopes to live in happiness forever, to be able to live in peace, health, abundance, and ease, without the trouble of disease and disaster, this is what he wants, life is not measured by how much money he has...
In fact, true happiness is not to distance oneself from money after failure, nor to summon a light soul in the wandering of asceticism. It's just a perverse love for failure.
Face up to failure, self-regulate, and redouble your efforts, only through meaningful progress can you achieve self-realization and get out of the wilderness of frustration.
There is only one true heroism in the world, and that is to love life after recognizing the truth of life. - Romain Rolland
HEROKID
The picture part comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted
Click Share
Thumbs up