Gaokao: Do you think elite schools are picking children? No! In fact, it is picking parents!

Every year, after the college entrance examination is released, the research on the birth of the family of the college entrance examination will be endless. In 2017, Xiong Xuanang, a member of the Beijing Municipal Liberal Arts Department, said bluntly:

"Now many of the leaders are powerful and capable people in the family.

My parents were diplomats, and from an early age they created a very good family atmosphere for me, including the cultivation of my study habits and personality. ”

The success of a college entrance examination is not only due to the efforts of children and the efforts of teachers, but also to the far-reaching influence of parents' learning habits and personalities day after day!

From another point of view, a child, mischievous, fighting and even going astray, others will not say that the teacher has not taught well, but will only say "this child has no tutor, because there must be a father and a son."

We all think that the admission of famous schools is picking children, but in fact, they are picking parents! Because the first half of the parents' lives are often hidden in the end of the second half of the child's life!

Studies have shown that before the age of 18, the proportion of family education affects more than 60%, while school education accounts for only 30%, and the remaining less than 10% comes from social education.

It is undeniable that a person's family plays a role in his development, from the initial level of education to the future direction of development.

Education, in the final analysis, is still a fight for parents!

01

A scholar once organized an event in which he invited dozens of parents who were troubled in educating their children, asked them to seriously consider the strengths and weaknesses of their own and their parents' personalities, and objectively list them on the note.

When people calm down and think seriously about this problem, they find that their temper and personality are surprisingly similar to those of their parents.

Looking back at your children, you seem to be facing your childhood bad self.

Parents are the children of the past, and children are the parents of the future.

You may not want to admit it, but in fact, the subtlety of family education is deep in the bones and blood, your children can not get rid of your influence, and their behavior will always hide your shadow.

There is a joke like this.

He said that there was a child at school who always fought with his classmates because of a slight contradiction and was called a parent.

As soon as the child's father arrived at the school, he slapped his hand and started to fight without saying a word, while hitting and saying: "You rabbit cub, who did you learn from, can't you not do anything when you encounter something?" ”

Laughing, I remembered that I had attended the child's parent-teacher meeting before, and I was impressed by what a teacher said, he said, the way your child looks in school, is what you look like, I know your family when I see your child.

You are arrogant, the child will be rogue;

You procrastinate and the child will be lazy;

If you are greedy, the child will be dissatisfied;

You are violent, the child will be indifferent;

You are overbearing, and the child will not respect others.

A few words, Daigo empowerment.

What kind of person you want your child to become, what kind of parent you want to be first, it is more useful than teaching by example, leading by example, this is the simplest and most practical truth in education!

02

Recently, a friend complained to me very bitterly that his son was really too unassettling and not at all angry.

"The homework is so-so, the study of the special class is half-hearted, the final exam is about to take, but I only want to play mobile phone games, we are tired and tired every day, it is really a waste of effort..."

In fact, this is not the first time to listen to parents complain, Xiaoyan teacher will always receive some messages in the background, everyone is anxious for the child's business:

"Don't expect him to take the first and second, good to get 80 points, every day to guard him to write homework, he is good, before he started writing, he cried first..."

"Sending my daughter to school, she was still wearing shoes when she saw she was going to be late. I urged her, can I hurry up, and then she was still grinding and rubbing, and I was so angry that I rushed straight over and lifted her whole person up..."

It seems that most parents are slightly dissatisfied with their children, they are lazy, rubbing, unreasonable, not diligent and studious...

I think of a picture that once blew up the Internet:

On the subway, a mother obsessively plays with her mobile phone, the daughter next to her stretches her neck to watch, on the other side, the mother next to her is intoxicated reading the book, and the child is also addicted to the book without external interference.

You see, parents "lead by example" to read, and children will also read. Parents "lead by example" playing with mobile phones, and children will also be obsessed with it.

There is such a passage in the mainland's large-scale educational documentary "Mirror" -

The child is a mirror of the family, and the family is a mirror of society. Behind the problem child, there must be a problem family. Behind the problem child, there must be the problem parent.

If your family atmosphere is watching TV and playing on mobile phones, it is not surprising that the child is obsessed with games and does not learn any tricks.

If you stay at home on weekends, don't read, don't exercise, and don't do anything, it's not surprising that your child will become a good eater and lazy person in the future.

If you yourself have lost your enthusiasm for learning new things and have long lost your child's life with piano painting and swimming, then your child will find it difficult to learn and succeed.

Children are our mirrors and our shadows. His most likely way of growing up is to "copy" who you are now.

03

People often say that the first half of parents' lives often hides the end of the second half of their children's lives, and reality is also confirming this truth over and over again!

Dong Qing, who is praised as "self-sufficient with poetry and bookishness in her belly", today's talent and temperament benefit from her decades of good habit of reading, and this must be attributed to her father's patient guidance.

His father, who graduated from Fudan University, loved to read himself, and naturally let Dong Qing develop the habit of reading from an early age.

Every winter and summer vacation, my father would make a list of books for Dong Qing, and the father and daughter would sit facing each other and talk together.

This is why Dong Qing is today, and she also gave the habit of reading to her son as a writer training.

She talks about her parenting theory on the show:

"Memories are gifts of time, and children are gifts to parents. What kind of person you want your children to be, you have to be what kind of parents you want to be first. ”

I believe that many people have heard the story of Lang Lang, his father is like a winding clockwork, and he has forced out a piano master for more than ten years.

This passage sounds like every Chinese parent who urges their children to practice, but not many people know that "Wolf Dad" himself is also a diligent practitioner.

After graduating from middle school, he successively worked in factories, acrobatic troupes, and military cultural and labor troupes, and practiced erhu performances with his teachers.

After cultivating his son into a piano superstar, he performed with his son in concerts.

At that moment everyone could feel that he had a great son, but he himself was great.

The reason is too simple and straightforward -

If we ourselves are not studious parents, but ask our children to sleep and forget to eat, this is almost impossible.

Many times, the relationship between a child and his parents is that when I grow up, I will become you.

What you are like, your child is like; your vision determines the steps he takes; your behavior is the brush that outlines his life.

It is better to hear thousands of words of sincere teaching than to hear them day after day.

04

There is a hot topic on Zhihu: "Is it a lie not to let your child lose at the starting line?" ”

Among them, one of the high praises replied: This sentence is not a lie, but the wrong object is used.

Don't want your child to lose at the starting line, not to toss the child back and forth, but to toss yourself to death now, because you are the starting line of the child.

Excellent parents, mostly lifelong learners, have good habits of reading, often go in and out of high-quality social circles, lead by example, and take the lead in accomplishing what they hope their children can do.

When you make learning your habit, but you indulge in books instead of mobile phones, when you work conscientiously and conscientiously, when you are kind and gentle and full of love for life... Your child will follow these trajectories and become the best child!

Keigo Higashino wrote in "Shisheng" that everyone wants to be born in a good family, but we can't choose our parents, what kind of cards are given to you, you can only try to play it well.

Yes, we can't choose what kind of parents we have, but we can choose what kind of parents we want to be!

Raising children is never easy, and the only thing you need to insist on in this long practice is to be yourself and lead by example.

Source: Senior Parent Circle

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