It is not that I have a victim guilt theory, always looking for faults from Hu Lijuan, a victim, but the problems of Li Yaping and Li Yaping's parents are very obvious and do not need to be analyzed, but there are also many shortcomings in Hu Lijuan, if a woman cannot learn her lessons and repeat her mistakes, it is difficult to manage a good marriage.
As Samuel said, "The success of a marriage depends on two people, and one person can make it fail." ”
We can't change others, but we can learn the lessons of marriage losers, and if we have, we can change them, and by changing ourselves, we can avoid some of the thunder in the marriage and better manage our own lives.
When reading the original book of "Double Sided Tape", I found a major contradiction in Hu Lijuan.
First of all, as a modern young woman who has gone to college, how to run a marriage, Hu Lijuan is not unaware. In the original work, she also quarreled with Li Yaping more than once and expounded her values.
First, your mother raised you, but did not raise me, you repay her what she should, I repay her is love. She can call you, but not me, I work in my own home voluntarily instead of listening to her orders; second, I will never pass on the inheritance for your family, your parents have scared me, so I have no problem of being angry with my daughter-in-law; third, if I really have children, the purpose must be to hope that my children are happy, as long as the children are doing well, I will be happy, and I will never go out of nothing, do nothing wrong, and add to the chaos! If I stay at my daughter-in-law's house, I will look at my daughter-in-law's face and live a life, not saying what I should not say, not doing what I should not do, and not making my daughter-in-law uncomfortable, lest my daughter-in-law kick me out. I went to my daughter-in-law's house as a guest, and I didn't want to climb to my daughter-in-law's house to be the host; fourth, you forced me to be anxious, I will throw your mother out now, I want to see how you call me good-looking!
The 4 points proposed by Hu Lijuan were all correct, but she did not do any of them. In fact, Hu Lijuan's biggest drawback is that she has one set of mouths and another set of things.
First, no matter how hard you shout in your mouth, but put up with it again and again in actual action, what effect can it have?
Hu Lijuan believes that this is her home, she is the hostess of the family, the in-laws are here to be guests, not to give orders, and can not exceed their authority to do something that makes her feel unhappy. If the in-laws always make themselves uncomfortable, she can kick them out.
However, how did she actually do it? Under Li Yaping's soft and hard hand, she compromised again and again, to do housework, to accompany the conversation, as far as possible to tolerate the in-laws, really can't bear it, she can't bear to turn the face with Li Yaping and her in-laws, she can only choose the cold war, ignore Li Yaping, in order to force Li Yaping to find a way to send her in-laws back.
It was her home, the home where she paid a down payment of 130,000 yuan, but because her in-laws had a hard time returning home, she could see her weakness.
Speaking of the matter of the eldest sister Li Guanhua's fundraising, when Li Yaping brought it up, Hu Lijuan said in a big way: "You have to say that your family is in trouble, help is the right thing, this is financing, it is a matter of making money, I have the freedom to earn, and I also have the freedom not to earn." In business, there is no talk about who can trust and who cannot. I just feel that I can't do business with my own people, in case something happens and I can't pull down. ”
However, Li Yaping frowned bitterly for a while, played the emotional card for a while, Hu Lijuan was shaken, personally went out to find her mother, asked for 100,000 yuan, as a result, caused her mother's family to lose 100,000 yuan, her own mother was sick, lying in the hospital, she and Li Yaping also had many conflicts for this money, and the husband and wife's feelings quickly collapsed.
When Li Yaping's father was ill, Hu Lijuan also knew that she had to do what she could and could not do whatever it took to save people. However, she eventually gave Li Yaping an idea and ran to her mother's house to ask her parents for money.
No matter how much you shout with your mouth, but what effect can you have in putting up with it in actual action? She did not solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, nor did she stabilize the relationship between husband and wife, but constantly contradicted Li Yaping, and even more, the in-laws repeatedly pit their parents, so that the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the in-laws was completely intensified.
Second, if a woman is a knife mouth tofu heart, it is not good for marriage.
First of all, the power of language is very powerful, as the saying goes, the speaker has a heart when he does not listen to the heart, you only want to be happy when you say the heart, and when you are finished venting, you forget, but the person who hears it will not necessarily forget, do not take this matter seriously, do not do well, you inadvertently touch the other party's reverse scales, so that the other party is hurt. If the other party is generous, it may not bother with you, but if the other party has a stoic personality, hides and piles up dissatisfaction with you, it is like a time bomb, and once it breaks out, the relationship between you will be over.
Li Yaping twice attacked Hu Lijuan, which was a sign of early warning. Hu Lijuan constantly clashed with his parents, and Li Yaping, who was partial to his parents, had already accumulated dissatisfaction with Hu Lijuan, coupled with hu Lijuan's harsh words, which completely angered Li Yaping, made him lose his mind, and seriously endangered Hu Lijuan's life.
Secondly, you just say no, there is no bottom line, over time, the other party will take your words seriously.
In "The Marriage of the Two of Us", there is a line: to solve the problems in the marriage, the principle is to let both parties profit, if only one party can profit, the profitable party will gain inches.
You just say no, talk hard, but in fact, you act according to the requirements of the other party, constantly meet the needs of the other party, the other party gets the benefits, naturally will not take you seriously, will not listen to your warnings.
Finally, the strength of a woman, in the heart, in the marriage, blindly noisy is not good, will only make the other party hate you more and more. Moreover, you say your own ideas when you are noisy, so that the other party has a wary heart, and it is not conducive to your planning of the way back.
What's even more frightening is that if you meet someone like Li Yaping who will jump the wall in a hurry, you don't have to talk about interests, and you may not even be able to guarantee your own personal safety.
People need to have a bottom line, they need to have principles, when the other party constantly provokes your principles, if you do not resist, do not let him taste the pain, he will not converge, you will be forced to the point of no retreat.
END.
Today's topic: What do you think of people with knife mouth tofu hearts? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.