Author: Wooden Man (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Recently, "Xiao MinJia" was popular, and behind several middle-aged divorced couples, we also felt many warm parent-child feelings.
Liu Xiaomin, played by Zhou Xun in the play, divorced her ex-husband many years ago and went to Beijing alone to develop, and her son lived with her ex-husband in her hometown.
Today, the mother brought Liu Xiaomin's son Jin Jiajun to Beijing to participate in the re-study class, and the mother and son who have not been seen for many years are very strange at first sight, but the mother's love for the child has always been there.
When the son had a conflict with his mother because of the counseling class, he mistakenly thought that his mother did not love him, and the two quarreled, and then the mother expressed to the son: "In the mother's heart, you are the most important." ”
When Liu Xiaomin's ex-husband came to Beijing from her hometown, although she hated each other very much, she still invited her ex-husband to come to the house for dinner and find a house for her ex-husband to live in, and her mother asked her if she was helping her ex-husband now, was it for the sake of her children?
Liu Xiaomin said: "I am just afraid of Xiao Jun's embarrassment, Xiao Jun grew up with his father, his father has no place to live, he will be uncomfortable, I can understand." ”
Liu Xiaomin knows that his son likes to run, and often runs with his son to accompany him.
With a little warmth, the feelings of mother and child are also heating up, although Liu Xiaomin left when the child was a child, but the parents' love for the child, never doubted, love may be late, but never absent.
Especially in these four moments, the love of parents will benefit children for a lifetime.
When the child is bullied, stand with him
In "Female Psychologist", the flattering personality Mo Yu is too painful.
New colleagues invite guests, temporarily change the venue, but deliberately do not notify Mo Yu, let him fail, the next day, he will still according to the taste of each colleague, bring them milk tea, but also do not charge colleagues money;
Go to the haircut, face the barber's enthusiastic sales, embarrassed to refuse, helpless to spend 5,000 yuan;
Colleagues have dinner, when Mo Yu arrived, they had finished eating, colleagues moved to a "boss", let Mo Yu accompany the wine, drunk Mo Yu, but also teased him to turn around, spit out the wine of Mo Yu, returned to the box to find empty, but was told that the cost of 7488, let him check out.
After stripping away the cocoon, I found that such a Mo Yu was all caused by the original family.
When he was a child, he was deliberately tripped by his classmates at school, nicknamed by his classmates, tore up his homework, and was bullied when he told his parents.
But his parents would only tell him that "it is a joke between classmates and you" and "if others don't like you, find reasons from yourself."
The child was bullied in childhood, and the parents refused to face him, allowing him to ensure safety by currying favor.
After growing up, flattery spreads, grievances are doubled, if when you are bullied when you are a child, your parents can iron and deal with it, and the child's wounds will shrink several times today.
When the child is bullied, the psychology is fragile and injured, the parents' coming forward is the child's confidence in the face of difficulties, the parents' disregard or ask the child to reflect on "why not bully others, just bully you", is the secondary harm to the child, will make the child feel abandoned by the parents, isolated by the world.
A bullied child, to the parents to ask for help is a hope, at this time the parents do not understand, do not act, will only make him doubt the love of their parents, but also more desperate, despair behind a resentment and alienation.
And those parents who are willing to give charcoal when their children are bullied will not only win the hearts of their children, but also win the love of their children to redouble thereafter.
When the child is helpless, stand behind him
When the child is helpless, standing firmly behind him, giving him comfort and encouragement is the way to warm the parents.
In Xi'an, Shaanxi Province, a boy came home from school, threw himself into his mother's arms and cried helplessly: "Mom, am I stupid?" ”
The child struggled to memorize political subjects for three consecutive weeks, but the test results were still not satisfactory, with a score of 80 out of 80, and the child scored 56 points.
Mom comforted with her heart: "Okay, you can, you have worked very hard, you have always been your mother's pride, don't be discouraged."
The mother said that the child has worked very hard, never want to give the child any pressure, and it is good to grow up healthy, healthy and safe.
This is the wisdom of parents, but also understand love and understand parents.
"How to Hug a Hedgehog" says: "Every interaction between parents and children has an impact on the relationship between each other, either deepening or weakening." ”
Good interaction will enhance parent-child relationships. On the contrary, it weakens.
When a child is vulnerable and helpless, comfort and encouragement win his heart, and smart parents know how to do what they like, not add fuel to the fire.
When the child is helpless and confused, the parents' sneer will only push the child into the abyss, and the parents' warm comfort and a simple hug will make the child feel love.
Like a small boat lost in the dark, parents stand behind them and actively reach out to help him, illuminating the way forward for him and giving the child the courage to continue to move forward with his head held high.
When the child is in the highlight, he appreciates him from the bottom of his heart
When the child is in the highlight, the heart rejoices, looking forward to sharing with the parents, if the opposite happens, the child's disappointment can be imagined.
Jiang Wen once admitted in the show that his sense of failure comes from the relationship with his mother, and he has always wanted to deal with his mother, but he has not handled it well.
Buy a house for your mother, but your mother doesn't like it and doesn't live there;
When he was admitted to the Chinese opera and excitedly showed the notice to his mother, he thought that his mother would be happy with him, but his mother just took a look at it and threw it aside, saying:
"You haven't washed your clothes yet, don't talk to me about this, I'm going to wash my clothes."
Jiang Wen said, "I don't know how to make her happy to see what I'm doing." ”
When children share happiness with their parents, if their parents have a cold attitude, belittle, hit or ignore, they will pour the child's cheerful heart into the heart, which will not only extinguish the child's self-confidence, but also lose the desire for parental love.
Good parents, willing to be happy for their children's progress, applaud for his success, willing to raise their hands to cheer and appreciate from the heart.
Because only if we are willing to show a smile and love with our hearts, children are willing to open their hearts and return more love.
If you break your child's heart, apologize
Children who do not get apologies from their parents always have a knot in their hearts.
Children who get apologies from their parents are lucky.
I know that a netizen told himself about himself:
The child took a nap and lay down for an hour, not sleeping, and he was angry with the child, and the child ignored her because he was angry.
She calmed down and went to the child, but the child said, "I will never lose my temper." The mother expressed her love for him and slept with her arm around the child.
When the child woke up, she took the initiative to apologize to the child, saying that it was not right to lose her temper with the child.
At that moment, the child said seriously: "Mom, I am sorry too, because I am angry with you." ”
Mom said that she was worried that she was not good enough to sleeplessly, and hoped to wake up and go out to play together, "Mom loves you."
The child responded, "I love you too." Then the two embraced each other affectionately.
What a warm scene of love.
If the child who is hurt does not get the apology of his parents, the pain of being hurt is knotted in the heart, like a thorn in the heart, although it is not fatal, but sometimes it is faintly painful, and the heart and the parents have a disagreement, and then unconsciously keep a distance, away from the source of pain.
So, the parents are waiting for the child to thank you, and the child is waiting for the parents to apologize. Many parents know they are wrong, but they never dare or admit their mistakes.
Fear of admitting that you are wrong, you break your "always correct" existence, fear of bowing your head and admitting mistakes, you lose the authority of your parents.
As everyone knows, parents apologize, children feel love, because they are respected and cared for, and parents apologize, which is an example and means daring to take responsibility.
Mrs. Sterna, an educator, said that a parent who has the courage to admit his mistakes and explore new starting points for conversation is far more adorable than a stubborn, domineering parent.
We are also parents for the first time, and we are meeting our children for the first time, and we need to take more care of each other.
Parents are not gods, there are deficiencies, there are inevitable mistakes, hurting children, recognizing mistakes, and apologizing in time Are lovely, but honorable.
In fact, as long as we open our mouths, we must be greeted by the child's forgiveness, and then smile and reconcile, meet the warm light, and walk forward hand in hand with the child.
John Gottman said: "The best education comes from the heart and is reflected in every moment of daily life. Every time your child is excited, sad, angry, or scared, you have to spend it with them.
To be a parent is to help your child in the way he needs you most when he needs you most. ”
It is easy to cool a heart, and it is not a day's work to warm a heart, but if the heart is sunny, the purpose will be achieved.
In daily life, in addition to action, we must also make good use of our mouths, actively express love, and speak the love of the heart, so that children can feel the love of their parents and have the love of language links, and love can heat up more smoothly and become thicker.
Parents and children, is a blessing and fate, we must strive to create warm sunshine, warm each other's lives, I believe, when we are gentle, children naturally live to the sun.
About the author: Wooden people, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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