Couples have contradictions and differences, not afraid of quarrels, afraid of not talking, cold violence on the feelings of the lethality is no less than cheating, the implementation of cold violence is mostly purposeful, not to avoid conflict hurt, or try to use this way to make the other party bow their heads and compromise, cold violence in intimate relationships to give people the feeling is an indescribable live burial process is suffocating, with the increase and continuation of the number will eventually make the original harmonious relationship die.
Men's desire to express themselves in pursuit is very strong and straightforward, but in the later stages of communication, it is easy to solve the problem in a cold and violent way, so why do men like to use this trick so much?
In fact, the root cause of this phenomenon lies in the women themselves, first of all, do not rush to accuse and insult my male power, but more neutral to analyze the problem itself.
It stems from the fact that women care too much
Why would a person be unscrupulous and not change his behavior knowing that it is hurt? Simply put, it is that the woman has seen through and knows that the other party has deep affection, no matter how he is, he will not change the other party's feelings.
To put it bluntly, men's arrogance and self originate from women's love, excessive love will not only cause a burden, but also make people feel superior, this fluttering confidence, will gradually make him pampered and proud, feel that no matter what, you will not leave.
Men's cold violence, if not forcing you to break up, is basically purposeful to make you more pandering and changing. Therefore, women think that men will be moved to care, which has become the driving force for men to use cold violence in relationships.
Women argue in the wrong way
Many times the most fatal problem of women is that they will not quarrel correctly, what they make is emotions, they are wronged, they constantly count their own difficulties since their interactions, and even when they are emotionally excited, they are all kinds of sarcasm, to put it bluntly, when women quarrel, it is just a process of venting, there is little substantive purpose, and it cannot reach the real value.
The woman's accusations, complaining and crackling, make the man confused and two heads, so at this time, he has no dialogue to respond to, and he does not know what gesture to make.
Scared back? Maybe the relationship atmosphere will be worse.
stand corrected? No one in the air will put down their bodies.
Justify yourself? Everyone knows that women are the best debaters, and after a few rounds of debate, whether it is energy or vocabulary, it will almost dry up.
In this case, men can only use silence to quickly stop the war, simply ignore it, do not say, go with the flow, and wait for time to consume all this.
Therefore, the correct way to open the quarrel is the key to solving the problem, and it is also the core of eliminating men's cold violence.
The most instinctive and normal action when arguing is to blame the other party, "It's all your fault"
The reason is simple: it is much easier and more hopeful for people to face angry emotions than to face feelings of heartbreak or even despair. A couple quarrel is a process of self-preservation or self-fulfillment, regardless of whether they can hurt each other or not.
So how do you quarrel to avoid cold violence and better maintain a good relationship?
In the book "How to Fight Properly", it is said that some quarrels are worthwhile, that is, trying to express their true feelings in the depths of their hearts.
The book summarizes 6 practical tips for quarrelling:
Tip One: Awaken cravings
The reason why two people quarrel is often information asymmetry. Say your feelings bluntly, express your own demands, let the other party know clearly, the other party can understand, and it is easier to meet your requirements.
Tip two: Close interaction
It is not enough to simply express your desires. Boldly show your true self, for whatever reason and purpose, do not need to deliberately please and cater to the other party, and do not have to be careful in the relationship. The courage to admit their mistakes, but also the courage to deal with the thorny relationship positively and rationally, to actively strengthen the positive side, as far as possible so that the relationship does not fall into an impasse, in order to maintain the relationship with a more positive and harmonious atmosphere, solve the problem.
Communication and interaction is not simply to vent emotions and let the other party know their grievances, but also to create problems overlay, but to solve the problems in front of them most quickly. Knowing this allows you to deal with problems more efficiently and avoid hurt and pain in intimate relationships.
Turning ineffective quarrels into efficient and meaningful quarrels, and taking the opportunity of quarrels to discover the real problems hidden behind them is the key way to promote the healthy development of intimate relationships.
Tip three: Expose the problem
Sometimes we will always be confused by the problem in front of us, too many emotional differences are the catharsis that has been accumulated, try to dig out the causes of the real problem, in order to really solve the problem from the root, too many subconscious operations of the borrowing of the problem, not simply in front of us noisy things, find that core point, in order to cure the contradiction between the two people. The focus of exposing the problem is not criticism, but more introspection.
Tip Four: Liberate yourself
There are no ones in the world who are 100% fit, so this is the key to the new relationship model. How to make yourself the right two people is far more direct and feasible than finding the right person. The fit of two people is not to feel good, but to make the right effort to make two people better.
Tip five: Rebuild the matrix
Everything in the world has its own laws of operation, emotions and brains are the same, and there is no shortcut to anything.
At this time, it is necessary to rebuild the matrix, repeat and consciously extend new ideas and behavioral habits, and the really good relationship is a process that can be repeated at different stages of sexual love for each other, and use the other party to accept the new model of liking, new habits, and establish their own new life.
Tip Six: Keep going
No matter how well two people handle their problems and how well they get along, don't just take a momentary positive action and ignore the continuous attitude pattern. Mastering the way, there is also an obvious effect, consciously continue to maintain, in order to let the two have better prospects for development.