What's the worst emotion for you?
Nowadays, people seem to be very angry! On the crowded subway and bus, we are accustomed to listening to the sound of insults; on the busy road, we see more two cars rear-ending, the drivers after the queue quarrel, and even fight, and between husband and wife, because of a little family chores, there will be a quarrel, and even to the point of divorce.
It seems that our emotions seem to have developed to the point of getting angry at a moment's notice and being a little bit there.
So why do we get angry about a small thing in our lives?
That's because we encounter real events in our lives and then think of the threat to ourselves as a result of this event, which triggers our instinctive emotional responses.
When someone or something gets in our way, such as my husband ignoring my feelings, my children not listening to me, or others belittling me, etc., most people feel angry.
In order to be able to better control your emotions, the first thing you have to address is to understand your own physiological response to events triggered by bad emotions.
People have had the experience of their own thoughts, feelings and actual situations conflicting, for example, you are driving to work alone, everything seems to be going well, and our feelings, thoughts and behaviors are working together to reach the destination on time.
At this time, suddenly a driver is in front of you, so you react against your original wishes, erupting into a burst of road rage, or emotional collapse, constant association, and constant amplification of the event.
Even if your rationality makes you realize that your bad emotions have prevailed and you react too radically to the matter, if you can't clearly understand and express your feelings, you will get deeper and deeper.
At this time, your method should be to suddenly wake yourself up, like a basketball star in the United States, who uses the leather band on his wrist to get himself out of excessive bad emotions, so that he can return to normal thinking to solve the problems that happen.
Napoleon said: A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can take down a city.
Feng Menglong said: Words in anger will leak.
In order to better control emotions, we must address and understand its roots.
First, understand your own physiological response to events triggered by bad emotions.
Whenever we experience a bad emotional triggering event, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems in our bodies begin to kick in, stimulating the body to make an instinctive survival response to fight or flight. The body is ready for action before the thought of anger is formed, even before you are completely unaware of what is provoking you.
Managing emotions requires practice, as long as we are aware of our emotional instability and want to change this state, then from now on learn to let go of the self, in many cases, if we can put "me" down, a lot of things are other people's stories, not our accidents. Most of the bad emotions happen with the dearest people, because you feel that this is the person you love the most, and whatever you say is for his own good, he should listen to you. Is this logic of thinking correct?
Second, don't exaggerate your own facts, and don't think about the future
We often exaggerate our own things and often "shrink" our own things. For example, if our own child accidentally falls, it feels like a big thing; other people's children fall, you will feel that there is nothing remarkable, feel that it is enough to get up, this child is not strong at all, adults are overly doting, and so on, a series of ideas to fill our minds, this situation abounds in our lives.
So how do you control and manage this emotion? See what this story can teach us.
There was once a little boy who was very grumpy and angry about everything, so his father gave him a bag of nails and a hammer and told him that every time he lost his temper, he would nail a nail in the fence in the backyard.
On the first day after getting the nails, the boy nailed 37 nails on the fence.
Gradually, the boy found it easier to control himself from losing his temper than to nail the fence, and in this way, when he had not lost his temper all day, he felt a comfort and happiness in his heart that he had never felt before.
That day, his dad suggested pulling a nail out of the fence if he could control his temper every time he got angry.
As the days passed, the little boy finally told his father that all the nails had been pulled out, but because he was emotional when he was angry, he would hurt himself when he nailed the nails.
"You're doing a good job," said the boy's father, "but you look at all the holes in the fence, and the fence is no longer the fence it used to be. When you are angry, the angry words you have said and done excessive things, like these nails, can leave scars on others and yourself. ”
Third, use concentration to manage your emotions
Master Nebula said that anger is the fire of ignorance, and we must learn to control this fire of ignorance. No matter what you encounter, you must be calm, you must think first and then move, and if you think about it, you will not produce the fire of ignorance. In life, learn to slow yourself down and don't rush to make decisions based on your first impressions. Only by slowing down your thoughts and actions and thinking through them can you make the most correct decision. In this way, in time, it is natural to achieve the mind as if it were stopping water and seeing nature clearly.
Who in this world understands less than who understands the truth, the more you grow up, the more you feel that the so-called directors and reasons are not how thick the philosophy of life in our hands is collected, but how strong your emotions and behavior control ability is. The higher the status, the more stable their emotions will be, and almost all of them are expressionless people, because they can't let others see their inner world. As ordinary us, good emotions will make us live happily, don't fight with people who know more, who is more willing to take the initiative to learn, take the initiative to look inward, who is more able to know and act in unity, who can stop more, who can wait more.