Mother and son

While sorting through her son's belongings, the mother found a note in the middle of a psychology book, which may have been the only suicide note left by her son to her mother.

"My only motivation for going to college was to run away from my mother, to escape from this home, and I found out I was wrong. My mother was so unfortunate, she lived so painfully, I even wanted to kill my mother, how sinful I was, I couldn't, I could only kill myself. ”

Mother's eyes had long since dried up, and she had long since been hoarse, her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and the whole person was almost fainting, but she did not, and the world suddenly became strange and heavy in her eyes, like a black iron pot that would be pressed down. Her eyes were constantly blackening and collapsing, and the image of the son, the son, the son was becoming more and more blurred, he was stranger than a stranger, he had deceived her like a liar for more than twenty years, so perfectly that she had always thought that she was the best mother in the world.

Many years ago, people said that she forced her husband to die, she has not admitted that he is a coward, he chose to drink pesticides himself, but now his son has chosen to commit suicide... It is really she who forced two men to die, one is a husband, a son, the son's suicide note is clear. Not only is the image of her son strange, she is also more and more strange to herself, what kind of a woman she really is, she does not know herself at all, how she became such a person, why no one has ever mentioned to her, even if the son said it once, he did not do it once, he is an obedient child, a child who makes people worry.

His son gave her infinite hope, and threw her mercilessly deep into the bottomless abyss, and she is still falling. The first student in the village to be admitted to a key university, the first graduate student in the village, everything seems to be her life getting smoother and smoother, just like the reckoners say that she is a person who wants to enjoy happiness in her old age. Everything, like everyone acting, conspiring to make this day come, all the success, all the glory, is to punish her today, to humiliate her, to strip her of her clothes, to expose her to the sun. What's wrong with the world and why punish her in this way.

Was she forcing her son to die? Is he like his father, and how is he like him? Her only worry for so many years is that her son has grown into a cowardly person like her husband, all her education is to keep him away from his image, the cowardly, crying "man" who can't move, she is very confident on the road to cultivating her son, and it is getting smoother, the son's growth is much better than she expected, he is strong, tall, excellent in learning, and more importantly, he is very filial, he is a good son in the human population. In addition to looks, her son is a real man, a perfect man. Only she can cultivate such an excellent boy.

What's the problem? She seemed to remember something, but she didn't seem to want to face all this, her high school son was once addicted to playing games, she was angry, threw her school bag into the flame-spewing fire, and then pulled him to jump into the well, the son knelt down for her, begging for forgiveness, and the crying in the middle of the night alarmed the neighbors left and right... The son once brought back a girl after graduating from college, the girl did not show her due respect, she scolded her in front of her son, the son wanted to chase, she stopped drinking, the son's footsteps never stepped out of the courtyard door... She felt like a madman, even taking these as her glory, what a great mother she was, she was driven crazy by life, she did not allow any mistakes in the growth of her son. He was her only son, her only hope, and when the son died, he wasn't married, not even a girlfriend. The son, what a poor man, what a cowardly man he was, and he was on guard against it, and in the end he chose to commit suicide, just like his father, and everything seemed to be arranged on purpose.

Why didn't the son kill himself? How she wished her son had killed her, that he would be her son.