Wen | smiled slightly
Family or career, that's a question.
At least for women.
Behind this problem, it means paying and compromising, entanglement and unwillingness, happiness and self.
Many people will ask successful women how they balance family and career, but the question itself is problematic. Because few people ask men, it seems that men do not have a career and family dilemma.
This reminds me of Guo Keyu, a guest of the divorce variety show "Goodbye Lover".
Guo Keyu has been a school flower since he was a child, and he entered the show business circle by chance. It is worth mentioning that at the age of 17, she once won the Shanghai International Film Festival and the Queen of the Popular Film Hundred Flowers Award for "Red Cherry".
The future was bright, but she did not expect to usher in a key turning point in her life in 2010. That year, Guo Keyu met Zhang He in "The Perfect Bride", and the two quickly married and had children. Subsequently, Guo Heyu chose to return to the family to teach his son, and this return was 10 years.
10 years later, Guo Heyu returned to the screen as a guest of the divorce variety show "Goodbye Lover". At this time, she is no longer a "shadow queen" with unlimited scenery, but a "divorced woman" who is haggard and cries.
And every time he talks about the ten years of full-time at home, Guo Keyu is crying bitterly and crying heartbreakingly.
"I have basically not filmed in my 10 years, and the ups and downs of various lives are valuable assets for me," Guo Keyu said and tears came out of his eyes.
"The person who loves you will always be with you, not love... If you don't love, you don't love. Thank you for protecting me very well in the past 10 years, you once said a sad word that made me listen, you once said, 'Our teacher Guo is an artist, I will go to the play, as long as I can complete her'. You let me protect very well, you let me read books and watch movies at home without worry, it's a luxury..."
How many 10 years of life do you have?
10 years at home full-time with a baby, no filming, away from the acting industry she once liked. Guo Keyu has always thanked Zhang He for protecting her, but at the same time, he is dissatisfied, unwilling and aggrieved about his ability, value and achievements in the past 10 years.
Guo Keyu has not been happy in the past 10 years, although she has repeatedly emphasized her gratitude and protection for her ex-husband Zhanghe, but she still missed those opportunities that belonged to her in her career.
In fact, around us, there are not many women like Guo Keyu who give up their careers for their families. Most of them have to bow their heads in the face of the tragic reality and make certain sacrifices for the children of the family, which is their choice.
However, what is more worthy of our reflection is: why is it difficult to progress if you stay at home with your children? After the failure of the marriage, will the woman regret the choice of staying at home full-time so fiercely? How to satisfy a woman's value and self-realization?
Life is not a lonely practice, your so-called giving and sacrifice, in the end who really cares and is anxious, all choices and decisions should be for themselves.
If you are unwilling, please do not insist on choosing to get married and have children or sacrifice your job to be a full-time wife, otherwise what awaits you may be a life of regret and remorse.
It is not that women should not get married and have children or do not bring children full-time, but that these choices must be true to their hearts, otherwise it is difficult to do well.
Of course, you may ask: life is sometimes so helpless, the elderly in the family do not bring a baby, do not go home with a baby, is it possible that the child will eat, dress and go to school by himself as soon as he is born? This is the oppression of reality, a choice that women simply do not have.
In fact, this is not the case, women, always have the freedom and right to choose. If the family's economic conditions are not good, your husband and wife can choose to marry late and have children later, and then choose to have children when the conditions are better. Or even if you choose to return to your family for two or three years, you must always be ready to come back, work, and fight for your best interests.
With love, can marriage last? Without love, a marriage would not be happy?
The real society is pluralistic and bone-sensitive, and marriage, in addition to love, involves trade-offs in various aspects such as economy, children, family and future expectations.
Even if some couples have no feelings and see each other like enemies, they still choose to endure and make up for it. Their marriage is not happy, but they can't do without each other, because they don't have the ability or courage to live better after divorce.
To put it bluntly, in marriage, husband and wife rely on attraction, mutual benefit and mutual respect and growth, which is also what we often call value. It can be roughly said that emotional value, economic value, and sexual value can be said. And a good marriage should allow us to continue to grow and achieve each other.
As Luo Xiang said: "True love must not be an instant touch, but must be an eternal commitment, sacrificing each other, achieving each other, and respecting each other." ”
If you want to avoid the situation of Guo Keyu who has been suffering in marriage for 10 years, you should improve your self-worth more, get more social recognition and personal inner growth.
Remember, in the book "Cognitive Drive", it is mentioned that introvert growth and extrovert growth.
Introverted growth, that is, growth activities around themselves, such as getting up early, running, reading, etc.; l Extroverted growth, that is, growth activities around the outside world, such as writing, drawing, programming, etc.
People always have to devote themselves to the work they love to be happy and happy.
Like Guo Keyu, she loves her acting career and hopes to have the opportunity to start acting again, which is one of the reasons why she participated in the recording of "Goodbye Lover".
When she is a full-time wife, she stays at home to read and watch movies, which is a kind of inner growth, but she does not provide valuable things to the outside world, so she cannot get material and spiritual feedback from society. Slowly, you will not see your own growth and hope, which leads to self-doubt and unwillingness.
A good marriage is not how well one party protects the other, but two people stand up together to deal with this disturbing world and troubles, constantly improve their abilities and values, be evenly matched, see each other happily, and stay together for a lifetime.
Whether it is a full-time baby or a working mother, or a single woman, she should continue to "grow out", so that her value can be recognized by society, as well as the desire and applause from the depths of the soul.
Marriage is not the whole of life, and if you don't love, you don't love.
At all times, please give yourself the confidence and ability to live your life.
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