In the first few episodes of "Goodbye Lover", Lao Wang was said by netizens that he was "not worthy of living". Only because he faced his wife Zhu Yaqiong with great verbal violence and cold violence.
Guo Keyu is known as the female version of Lao Wang, in the face of her husband Zhang He's inquiry, what has happened between us in the past ten years, we have always refused to say love.
Two people who are reluctant to verbalize their love directly to their partners caused a lot of controversy at the beginning of the show.
Even everyone wonders if they really have love for their partner?
If they have love, why are they reluctant to give love a positive response when their partners repeatedly ask questions? But if they say that they do not have love, why do they care so much about the details of their partner's life, and even say that they are wronged in the past?
If Guo Keyu does not know how to express love in language, many people must not agree.
Because she's too good at details.
Once, she received an invitation, and the income from the show was completely incomparable to that before marriage. When she got home, she was a little sullen.
Zhang He lay on the ground and dressed up as a horse for his son, while making a gesture of bracing on the ground, he said to her, if you don't want to go, don't go, you can support this family.
She also said that the most romantic thing she had ever said was to ask Zhang He, who was going home, what time of the plane.
Speaking of this, her reaction was to cover her face with a silk scarf, and she must have thought of the feeling of expecting a lover.
She looked forward to Zhang He coming home.
She went to visit the class, helped Zhang He take care of the room, washed her socks and pasted them on the Spring Festival. She was willing to take care of him.
She didn't have love, and these details seemed to reveal love.
She may just be reluctant to express love in words, and affirmatively say to Zhang He, I have loved you in the past ten years.
The other party is also a partner who especially needs affirmation.
As a result, she became the one who seemed reluctant to express love, and became the object of her partner's accusations.
She feels too much grievance to talk about.
Was it a grievance she gave up too much in the past ten years? She said she didn't regret it.
Is it because the men around her don't understand her efforts? She thinks that not loving is not loving, and what is the point of saying that
Is it because she hugged the man she had been with for ten years after she was moved again? When she faces her heart, this is the savings of love.
In the eyes of many people, Guo Keyu is too difficult, she is middle-aged and unmarried, except for her son, she has almost nothing. Lost a career for this marriage, no money and no house.
Too many middle-aged people feel the same way, because this woman may not say love on her lips, but in action, she is all love, ten years of staying together, remembering each other's good, knowing how to be grateful and paying. In her own words, I am with you, my people, my heart and money for you.
A person with a giving personality, when meeting the people and things he loves, is always willing to pay all, if the two are good at each other, this is the catalyst of feelings will warmly rely on each other. If there is a problem with the relationship, there will be a huge sense of emptiness, because when you pay, you will feel extremely wronged.
Guo Keyu may be this feeling. However, when the giving personality meets the other party is also giving, it may not be necessary for both parties to get a sense of need and satisfaction. If the other party is a taking type, and this kind of payment is not liked by the other party, then both parties will have a sense of emptiness.
Looking at it this way, Guo Keyu may have paid a lot in his ten-year marriage and has grievances in his heart. Zhang He, as the other party, does not seem to have received the touch and resonance of his wife's efforts, but believes that his needs have not been answered.
One will give and will not express, one will ask questions and do not understand listening.
Both sides have love but can't feel it, and Guo Keyu, who doesn't know how to express love, is especially obvious. This asymmetry between paying and gaining has resonated with many middle-aged people.
In the marriage world of middle-aged people, there are too many such helpless ways to get along, and there are more emotional resonances with Guo Keyu.
How kind and kind Wang Qiuyu is to others, how cold and arrogant he is to his wife.
He accused his wife of being ignorant and always late.
He didn't give his wife a wedding, not even a ring.
He said to his wife who was singing, I don't like you singing, I don't like it at all.
All of this makes it feel like he's in control of his wife, who is more than ten years younger than him, and his mental violence makes her lose herself.
He smiled politely at the people around him and kept saying no, I don't think so, I don't drink. I don't want to be friends with you.
His smile is actually a kind of self-protection, which is a bit similar to Guo Keyu's smile.
He laughs when he has nothing to say.
This seemingly arrogant middle-aged man who has no respect for his wife resonates with us. Why?
If Guo Keyu is a person who can express the details of love but does not say love, then Wang Qiuyu is a person who is unwilling to say anything about emotional expression.
He wouldn't say a word no matter how much he did. He peeled pomegranates for his wife and cared for his sixteen-month-old children. He provides a carefree life for his wife, and he guards her safety behind her.
Everything he does is what he thinks should be done and doesn't need to be said.
His emotions are revealed more in action than in words.
In this way, he needs a sensitive heart to understand more than Guo Keyu, especially he always wants to educate and accuse the other party of showing concern.
So this husband, who was like an old father, finally divorced his wife who took good care of himself.
What resonates more and more with us is that this old father sits all night before making a choice, carefully deciding to let his wife be himself, while also helping her when needed.
He cried and said sorry, reflecting on his lack of emotional education since childhood, and did not know how to care for his wife's emotions.
He saw another pair of guests hugging each other and crying uncontrollably. The man who wrapped himself in steel revealed the fragility of his heart.
He and his wife said that they were our future and that we would understand each other better.
Is this the kind of person he has no love in his heart? Is it someone who doesn't understand love?
Maybe not, it's just the influence of his family, the pressure of life, that makes him lose the ability to express emotions.
Fortunately, the change of wife and the temporary departure, the release after participating in the show, let him begin to know how to express emotions. Maybe he really writes more idol dramas like he said, and the threshold for emotional expression is relatively high.
In any case, when we see Wang Qiuyu who has relaxed, it seems to see a man who is always tense to resist pressure, and one day he encounters a small thing that suddenly collapses and reveals vulnerability.
This vulnerability can only be understood by those who have experienced the beating of life.
We long for feelings that are expressed directly and purely like Tong Chenjie and Wei Wei, and even if we encounter real problems, we can face them calmly.
But in life, we may be more like Guo Keyu and Wang Qiuyu, always have unexplained moods and thoughts.
Perhaps because of past experiences, we dare not speak of love lightly. Maybe we prefer a tacit understanding of the heart.
It is this dedication and persistence to emotions that makes us forget that love needs to be managed and learned. There is more than one kind of love in the world, and there is more than one expression of love.
When we have not been hurt more deeply by love, try to experience and learn more about love.
The happiness of middle-aged people is sometimes simple, just two people cooking together, or a topic and activity together.
It was as simple as Wei Wei teaching Tong Chenjie to ride a bicycle.
The pain points of middle-aged people may be more than simple as they seem.
Zhang He and Guo Keyu, who seem to have no principle problems, are separated by the opposite emotional communication.
Wang Qiuyu and Zhu Yaqiong, who seem to have a good emotional foundation, will erupt in anger along with a car.
Their pain point is not the principle of Tong Chenjie and Wei Wei not having children and drinking or not drinking.
They are only a matter of daily details, but they have lost each other forever.
The pain points of middle-aged people erupt in the undercurrent of details, asking time, time takes away love, but also takes away the courage to change.
When the life of the two people is only numb, perhaps it is time to separate. The pain point of marriage in middle-aged people is that they can no longer feel the pain.
Guo Keyu and Wang Qiuyu, two middle-aged people who are not good at expressing love, but their hearts are full of love, are said to have similarities, and some people even point out the Mandarin Duck spectrum that they can be together.
In fact, if they are together, there will also be many problems.
They all need to be the one whose savings are full of love and know how to open the door of their hearts.
They also need to learn to let go and metamorphose themselves, just like the two people who start again after the show have their own choices.
Who doesn't grow while experiencing?
Middle-aged people who do not love to show their love, now is a good time to bravely let go of obsession and start again!
Today's topic
In marriage, are you a person who knows how to express emotions or understand them?
Written by / Wang Xiaoyi'er, Image / Internet
@ Yi'er talks about books and shadows, reads books and watches movies at home, and turns stories into productivity.