How great the mother's love is, and she loves it with all her might; how terrible the mother's love is, and she tries to control it.
My mother, why do you always want me to do things I don't like?
My mother, what am I going to do to satisfy you?
But when I did everything you expected, why weren't you there? Who will I say this to?
Released on December 20, 2017, "The Promise of Childhood" is based on Roman Garry's autobiography "I Promise", which has a Douban rating of 8.3, which is an unpopular masterpiece.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > don't put shackles on your child in the name of "love."</h1>
Born in Lithuania in 1914, Roman Gary's parents divorced at the age of 11, and he was separated from his Jewish mother, moving to France in 1928. At that time, the anti-Semitic atmosphere in Europe was strong, and the mother and son were coldly looked at and blamed.
One day the police broke into their dilapidated home and smashed it, saying that their mother had stolen something, but her mother did not, all because they were Jewish. The mother was very strong, and immediately dragged Roman downstairs, shouting at the neighbors, "You want to bully our orphans and widows?" bah! Do you know who we are? Say it to scare you to death, my son is the future Ambassador of France, the writer, the Knight of the Legion of Honor..."
The neighbors laughed, and Roman shamelessly ran away from his mother to a no-man's corner, hitting his head against the wall, and he resented his mother for humiliating him.
The clever mother opened a clothing store, frantically cultivating Roman's various interests, learning piano, violin, fencing, etc., in preparation for her son to become a big man in the future. But Roman had no talent, he wanted to learn to draw, but his mother would not allow him to become a writer. Because my mother believed that painters could only become famous after death, and writers could be honored when they were alive.
At a banquet she fell in love with a little girl, but was beaten by several other little boys, and his nose was blue and swollen, but his mother praised him when she learned the reason, saying, "There are three things in this world worth fighting: women, honor, and France!" ”
When Roman cowardly ran away after someone had insulted his mother, his mother pressed him against the wall and angrily said, "The next time someone insults your mother, I hope you are carried back on a stretcher... From now on, you have to stand up for me... Even died for me. ”
The mother is very strong, and she strictly demands everything Roman does, hoping that he will always do what he thinks. Roman's childhood was painful, and his mother's excessive expectations made him afraid.
Until his mother's clothing store went bankrupt due to high credits, sitting in a chair and lowering her proud head, Roman danced a dance for his mother, he wanted to tell his mother that he would help her achieve all her dreams, and her mother smiled after watching that dance. Roman found the goal and meaning of the struggle: "From that day on, I vowed to use my strength to win the applause of the world, to make her sacrifice rewarded, to make her feel worthy in her heart, and I have fought for this goal all my life." 」 ”
The mother of childhood was so strong, Roman hated her, but when he saw his mother's rich people on credit and drove out, he saw his mother's weakness and understood her mother's bitter heart.
In fact, most parents are also like Roman's mother, who have too high requirements for their children, and always expect their children to become what they can't do and become exceptionally good beings. Looking forward to the son into a dragon, looking forward to a woman into a phoenix, these starting points are good, but also because of the love of children to have such high expectations.
But what children need more is their own independent space, rather than being forced by the shackles of "love" all the time. He has his own ideas, and he wants to do what he likes, not be forced to learn what he doesn't like.
Just as Roman's mother demanded that her child become a writer and not a painter, most parents expect their children to learn an interest in adding points to the exam rather than what the child is really interested in. These are all for the good of children, but interest is the best teacher, maybe interest can not be eaten as a meal, but can accompany themselves for a lifetime, so that all kinds of pressure have a good release.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > "love" is power and a curse</h1>
After the clothing store went bankrupt, her mother moved to France with Romain and, with her cleverness and business acumen, became a hotel manager, invested in a taxi, and tried to run a hotel. During this time, Roman and the maid are together, and the mother is angry and chases the maid away, which makes Roman extremely angry, threatening to leave his mother, but he is relieved to learn that his mother has diabetes.
When Roman finally left his mother to study law in Paris as an adult, he was extremely excited. But his mother still called often, resulting in him always being ridiculed by his classmates. After his girlfriend empathized, Roman became a playboy, but wrote a short story called "The Storm" and published it in the newspaper.
But after that, no other works were published, and his mother kept asking, and he couldn't bear to disappoint her but panicked and casually pointed out a work in the newspaper saying that he had written it under a different pen name.
In 1938, his mother suddenly told Roman to let him assassinate Hitler and buy him a ticket, but the day before he left, when he was lying on the beach, his mother found him and hugged him and advised him not to go.
In order to realize the "dream of a general", his mother asked Roman to enlist in the army, set up a banquet at home, and told his friends and relatives that he would definitely get a military rank. However, the result was that Roman was not awarded the title, only because he was Jewish, and after returning, In order not to disappoint his mother, Roman lied according to his mother's hobbies and said that this was because of the punishment for seducing his boss's wife. The mother was not angry, but proud, because among the many soldiers, he was the only one who did something different.
When Roman had a hard time making a name call in the barracks, his mother came, which caused him to laugh at everyone, Roman hated his mother at this moment, but his mother said, "Ah, your old mother has embarrassed you", Roman compromised and hugged his mother. After the defeat of the war, Roman's officers decided to take them to Churchill, and immediately before boarding the plane, Roman received a call from his mother, and thus escaped because the fleeing plane crashed.
Later, when Roman went on a mission to the Middle East, he was infected with wind and cold, and when everyone thought he was going to die, he seemed to see his mother come to the bedside and tell him that he could not concede defeat and must continue to fight, and miraculously Roman actually got up.
Roman traveled to Africa, during which time he received letters from his mother, who had been whipping him for his efforts. He fought wars during the day, wrote at night, and finally Roman's "European Education" was to be published as "The Forest of Rage", and then he commanded his comrades in arms who had been injured in the eye to complete the bombing mission on the battlefield, and he became a hero.
When he returned home with a body of honor, his mother had been dead for three years. It turned out that before her mother's death, she had been desperately writing 250 letters from trust friends to Send to Roman from time to time. His mother is gone, Roman's life becomes confused, he becomes an ambassador abroad, wears a custom suit, and has countless lovers, but his mother does not see it.
"I did everything she asked of me, but what's the use of all this?" She was gone, she died without seeing anything. She never knew I had fulfilled my promise. In my mother's love, the impermanence of life often prevents the promises of childhood from being fulfilled, after which I will be empty and hungry until the end of my life. Whenever a woman takes you into her arms and tells you what she wants, it is just a cold soup, they embrace you with warm arms, and say they love you with warm lips, but you know that a long time ago, you have found the sweet spring and drunk it all. ”
Her mother's love allowed Roland to accomplish everything she asked for, to stand out and be filled with honor. However, these were done for his mother, not for Roman himself, Roman did not like these, Roman liked the painting he wanted to engage in.
His mother died, but his figure accompanied Roman throughout his life, and the heavy maternal love and strict requirements made Roman feel great pressure, and he even insisted that he had a brain tumor, but in fact he blocked his ear with jam to try to cut off his mother's words and caused inflammation.
Roman's whole life has been living for his mother, and the woman he hated and loved has long penetrated into his bones, which eventually led to Roman committing suicide at the age of 66 and ordering others to sprinkle his ashes on the surface of the Mediterranean Sea, which was the happiest time he and his mother spent.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > love is to learn to stay away</h1>
It is undeniable that Roman's mother was a great mother, without whom Roman could not achieve those honors, nor could he do these things, and also made a mistake to save Roman twice. And the mother relied on her own cleverness to keep Roman well fed and clothed, without worrying about money.
But Roman's mother is cruel, she strongly controls her son to act according to her own instructions, he should become who he is, everything should be done according to her wishes, in the same year when other children are happy and happy, Roman learns things he does not like all day, and does things according to his mother's wishes.
Roman's mother is a typical "tiger mother", and most of the mothers in reality are not so strong, but there are more or less shadows in it.
For example, I hope that my child will be admitted to the civil service or become a teacher and so on to live a stable life, but I don't want him to work hard in a big city and live the life he wants to live. Marry at the age of marriage, whether the child likes it or not, just under the slogan of "filial piety" to force the child to have a marriage...
These things that look full of "love" are all controlling the child to live according to his own requirements, and he does not know whether it is his own or his child who lives this life.
Perhaps parents, as elders, often do not want their children to experience some detours and want to make them more relaxed and happy, but some things are mainly experienced and cannot be avoided.
I especially hate that my parents say the slogan of "don't listen to the old man, suffer losses in front of me" to teach me what to do, I am a person, a person with independent thoughts, my vision is not long- and I have no experience, but I still hope to be able to decide a thing on my own, rather than being asked to implement a thing.
Smart parents never control what their children do, but tell their children the pros and cons of one thing and let them weigh themselves. Encourage when your child succeeds and comfort when they fail.
However, most parents are proud to say "I said it long ago, let you not listen to me" after seeing that their children are hurt by not listening to their own words, which leads to the child not daring to tell his parents even if he is wronged outside, but he bears it alone. This is a common problem among Chinese parents.
True love is silent support behind the scenes, is to give enough space to children, is to learn to leave slowly. Instead of flooding the child all the time.
Just like now more and more Ma Bao men, who have been cared for by their mothers for decades and controlled for decades, have long lost their own ideas, if their mothers suddenly die, can Ma Bao Men still live? I think not, because from an early age they think that their mother is their own everything, and when their mother leaves, their own world collapses.
Finally, I end with a sentence from Long Yingtai.
"It's not difficult to see the child's world from the mother's point of view; what is rare is that the mother will crouch down and keep the same height as the child to see the world - we are the same life, we respect each other, we grow together." 」
May you not hurt in the name of love, may you be yourself.
I am WenJiu, a house that likes to watch movies, I am very happy to share some of my thoughts with you, may as well give a thumbs up and go again~