Parents who are too anxious hurt their children the most

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

A few days ago, a mother said to me: "Daddy Yu, I am so anxious, I feel that the children around me are more literate and have a lot of English words, but my own children can only play." ”

When I asked, I learned that her child had just turned 3 years old. My answer is really don't get too anxious and play with the kids.

Today's article was written when Xiao Xiaoyu was about to be in the first grade.

At that time, it should have happened to be a kindergarten class, and we were relatively calm.

Looking back now, I feel that the choice and persistence at that time were right.

We gave him more time to play, to read, rather than running from training facility to training.

We didn't feel like something was missing, but we got a lot of valuable things.

The child's growth path, really don't be too anxious, today I will share it with you again.

1

Last Friday, because the teachers had something to do, they took a day off.

So I took Xiaoxiaoyu to a mall and bought him some clothes.

During lunch, we passed a seafood restaurant where the little one was watching big crabs and lobsters, and we met the grandmother of my classmates.

She asked me, "Why did he get out of class?" ”

I thought the old man had misremembered the time and told him, "It's a holiday today, rest!" ”

"I know, aren't you taking classes here?"

"Nope! We're playing here! ”

"Oh! My granddaughter is learning English here, and today the school is off, so I will come to have one more class. Grandma said.

Too many children, there are no weekends.

So the little guy sometimes makes an appointment with his classmates to go to the door to play, but he can't make an appointment.

Because there are classes to make up on weekends.

Some children even attend classes more than weekends a week.

There are classes almost four or five days.

That day at the dinner table, looking at the little fish sitting across from me.

There will also be a little tangle in the heart.

In such an environment, am I overly optimistic and relaxed?

Because he is also about to go to elementary school.

But I haven't taken a class at a training school outside.

The only piano and chess were also done in kindergarten.

Although there are these little tangles.

But I made sure he had a full weekend.

So even if it is scheduled to study with him at home.

Weekends are also empty.

Just last Saturday.

When I took him to the park, on the way, he said to me, "Dad, I think Saturday is my favorite day." ”

"Why? Isn't Sunday bad? ”

"You can have a good time on Saturday, don't go to school, and watch a movie. I have to go to school on Friday, go to bed early on Sunday, and can't watch movies. ”

His little happiness is that simple.

Anyway, I still want to be in no hurry and leave him some space.

2

Psychologist Winnicott said that the mothers who have the worst impact on their children are the mothers who are anxious.

Indeed, parents who are too anxious hurt their children the most.

In fact, before I became a father, I was a very anxious person.

Everything is exciting, you must do it quickly, and you must get the results as soon as possible.

This personality really helped me a lot.

For example, I can do several things at the same time, even in the kitchen, I often cook on two fires at the same time.

But there are also a lot of losses.

Maybe this dish hasn't been stir-fried yet, and the other one has been overcooked.

In the end, the taste will deteriorate.

The dish is not stir-fried, and it can be improved next time.

After having a child, I became a daddy in the past few years, and I felt that the matter of raising a child could not be changed if I missed it.

You must be patient, you must not be in a hurry, and it will be chaotic in a hurry.

Because you are too anxious, it is easy to lose your temper.

If you have time to sit down and watch snails with your children and pick up leaves in the park.

In this case, it is certainly impossible to lose your temper with your child.

But when you rush forward in a hurry, and the child is crouching there watching the snail, motionless, not listening to your call.

You will definitely be on fire in your heart, pull the child and leave.

The child will wonder, in the past, you took me to see it, saying that you wanted me to be patient and observe well, why is it so urgent today.

You explain to your child that you are too busy, hurry up!

Once or twice is acceptable.

But fear becomes a habit, and many parents have turned such a state into a habit.

Every day to urge children to go to school, write homework, sleep, make up classes, must rely on yelling, no matter how you look at it, you think that the child is too abrasive.

It is almost impossible to calm down and talk to your child.

When you're in a hurry, try to tell yourself.

It's okay with the child, wait a minute, take a deep breath, don't lose your temper.

Because the mother at this time is very easy to become a mother who is out of control.

3

We will find that many times, as soon as a child cries, the parents order them to stop immediately.

Especially when parents are in a hurry, they are most unwilling to see children making noise.

There is simply no time for the child to perceive and process emotions.

However, I want my child to be happy immediately from the lost mood.

Do you think it's possible?

If the child does not listen, he begins to preach and even scold.

In fact, when children's negative emotions appear, we need to be patient to guide.

Took the little fish to go shopping the other day.

I was there to discuss the details, but he got bored and couldn't sit still.

Always said to go to the nearby playground.

But we didn't have time to accompany him.

I said let him go to the little playground in the store for a while, it's a very simple slide.

He said he wouldn't go because his mind left this.

I told him wait, not now.

Unexpectedly, his eyes turned red and he began to prepare to cry.

At this time, I really want to stop him, because the time is not early, and I want to finish it as soon as possible.

But I still endured it and said to him:

"Can you talk well and not cry?"

"Good!"

"So what do you want to do?"

"I want to go home!"

"Wait for us, okay!"

"Not good!"

By this time he was already surrounded by negative emotions.

If there is a shop nearby, I will take him to buy something to eat.

This will ease a bit.

But there is no near this.

I'm going to take a moment to pay attention to his feelings and help him find something to ease up.

Let him watch cartoons first, but he can't connect to the Internet.

He volunteered to ask for the password, and finally came back excitedly to tell us that it was connected.

It turned out that he ran to the gate and connected to the signal.

With something to do, and getting the attention of adults, his good mood was completed at this time.

Be a little more patient and give your child time to switch emotionally.

Let them learn to feel emotions and control them.

In this way, children can really develop the ability to manage emotions.

And this requires the patience and guidance of parents.

4

A lot of times, I tell my mothers: slow down! Hold your horses.

Some mothers find this sentence useless.

I will say, I understand all these truths, but when I see my child like that, I will be anxious.

Why?

Because they haven't learned to accept children.

In the end, we must learn to accept the ordinariness of our children and our own ordinaryness.

At the same time, actively embrace change and strive to become a better version of yourself.

Each time facing kindergarten or junior junior.

People will care about the school their children attend.

Where do the rest of the children in the class go to study?

I am afraid that I will choose the wrong one for my child.

Indeed, parents want to provide a good learning environment and learning resources for their children.

But what if you don't have a choice when choosing a school?

What if the child has average ability and cannot enter a key school?

I think we have to learn to be receptive.

Otherwise, you will only complain about the child, complain about yourself, and even complain about all kinds of unfairness.

But complaining doesn't help.

We can do our best where we can.

So that you can have a clear conscience.

I think that in the process of raising children, they have cultivated good study and living habits.

Sunny and healthy words for children.

If you go to an ordinary school, you can also become a talent.

Therefore, Xiaoxiaoyu's school choice, I did not go to the key school.

It was at the school downstairs, and although it was ordinary, we were happily preparing with him.

But I know that in the future, the family will need to give him more support and companionship.

Children's learning is by no means dependent on schools and teachers.

Good family upbringing will play a great role in promoting and supplementing.

And there are many paths leading to the distance in front of every child.

Everyone has their own qualities.

One day, maybe you'll find out: your seeds will never blossom... Because he is a towering tree.

In the picture book "Seeds of Ann" there is a passage:

"Every child is a seed of a flower, but everyone blooms at a different time. Some flowers will bloom brilliantly at the beginning, and some flowers require a long wait. Don't watch others bloom, your own one is in a hurry before it moves, I believe it is a flower, it has its own flowering period.

Carefully take care of your flowers, slowly watch him grow up, and accompany him to bathe in the sun, wind and rain, this is not a kind of happiness? Trust the child! Wait for the flowers to bloom! Maybe your seeds will never bloom... Because he is a towering tree! ”

When facing your child, face it peacefully.

Cultivate him well, but remember to leave some space for the child and follow the order of the child's mental development.

While giving love to children, it is also necessary to have enough patience.