After a 7-year-old girl has a younger brother, her eyes suddenly can't see clearly: "After having a younger brother, my mother doesn't love me anymore"

Original | Pregnancy

In multi-child families, there has always been a problem, that is, how to take care of two children at the same time.

It is necessary to take care of the young second eldest and be able to give the same care as the eldest.

Many parents understand the truth, but it is really difficult to do it, to do it, to do it well.

Recently, there was a news that the 7-year-old girl suddenly couldn't see clearly after having a younger brother.

The doctor appealed to this: After having the second eldest child, we must pay attention to the psychological situation of the eldest child.

It happened in Wenzhou, Zhejiang Province, a month ago, a 7-year-old girl, Xiaoyuan, suddenly couldn't see clearly.

The parents took Xiaoyuan to several major hospitals for examination, and the results were all normal vision, in this regard, the doctor recommended that the parents take Xiaoyuan to see a psychologist.

In the end, through observation and analysis, the doctor found that Xiaoyuan had "dissociative conversion disorder", also known as hysterical eye blindness.

It turned out that in the past six months, since my mother gave birth to my second brother, the focus of the family's life has shifted to my younger brother, and I paid much less attention to Xiaoyuan, which gave Xiaoyuan's young heart a heavy blow.

Xiaoyuan saw that after his classmates were myopic, his parents also cared more about his classmates, thinking that he could also get the attention of his family again, so he developed 'hysteria'. ”

Fortunately, after psychological counseling, Xiaoyuan's vision was gradually restored.

The doctor reminds all parents: when the young child's mind is not fully developed, pay more attention to the child's situation, especially after having a second child, and pay more attention to the psychological situation of the boss. (News source: @温州市第七人民医院)

In a two- and three-child family, the arrival of a new life will definitely distract the parents' experience.

But at this time, we must pay more attention to Dabao's psychology, because sometimes the neglect of parents is very harmful to children.

They will feel that my mother, who takes care of my brother/sister wholeheartedly, does not love me anymore.

TA will feel that after having a brother/sister, the whole family does not want it.

This can really break a child's heart.

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"Why do mom and dad only care about younger brothers,

If only there were no brother! ”

Parents, after having Erbao, please be sure to give the same attention and concern as Dabao.

Because the child's world is so small and small, as small as the father and mother is the world of TA.

If the child perceives the neglect of his parents, it is tantamount to setting off a storm in the world of TA.

Too many children have been hurt by this.

Xie Nan once shared that after having a second child, Dabao didn't care about the changes, which was really very distressing.

Xie Nan and Wu Jing are very competent parents, but after having Erbao, there will still be times when Dabao is ignored.

This also made a year after having Erbao, Dabao began to have a series of problems.

The eldest son, who has been weaning from pacifiers for more than 3 years, suddenly clamored for a pacifier...

Refusing to walk on his own, crawling on all fours at home, resolutely not walking ...

It is clear that a 5-year-old child suddenly appears to behave as a baby.

These strange performances made Xie Nan immediately take Indifference to the doctor, and the answer she got made her blame herself very much.

It turned out that the eldest son was imitating his younger brother, because he thought that by doing this, he could get the same attention and love as his parents.

This answer is really distressing.

After having a second child, we often unconsciously shift our focus to the little baby, and it is easy to ignore Dabao, but we don't know that this neglect is the most broken child's heart.

On social platforms, many netizens have shared their experiences after having younger siblings, which is really full of grievances.

"There was an older child next to me who was very noisy and noisy, and his mother thought he was annoying, and from outsiders it seemed that he was trying to attract the attention of others, because everyone was coaxing the second child."

"My family Dabao always says that I don't want to grow up, because adults will hold small babies, and when they grow up, they say that you can't hold them when you grow up. In fact, my family is usually better for Dabao, but Erbao Xiao needs to be fed and held, but she still feels that she is not valued. ”

"The boss has to do psychological counseling, the eldest who gave birth to my family's old age is also unbalanced in his heart, feeling that everyone hurts the boss, at first I felt that the material was better for her, in fact, she lacked a lot in her heart, and then I often gave her counseling, slowly it will be fine, there will be no deviation, she also knows that she hurts her sister, before the boss took advantage of the fight to be cruel to her sister, or complained about holding her sister, and then when watching mobile phone TV, she would brush some empathy with her and then secretly cry."

Sometimes, parents may feel that they have done a good enough, but the invisible and unconscious preference for the second child will still hurt Dabao.

Here, the pregnant mother wants to say to all parents who want a second and third children: you must not ignore Dabao because of taking care of Xiaobao, the partial neglect of parents is the most harmful way to the child, don't let the partiality break the child's heart.

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After having Erbao

Please focus on Dabao's feelings

One netizen said a lot:

If you want to have a second child, you must give the boss enough love, respect, attention, and power, so that she will love her younger brothers and sisters and take responsibility.

In the final analysis, it is to focus on the boss, understand the boss, the boss is comfortable, and naturally will love his younger siblings.

That's right, after having Erbao, please be sure to focus on taking care of Dabao's feelings, rather than always asking for the big ones to let the small ones.

But in a two-child family, when two children are bound to have disputes, how should parents handle it?

Professor Li Meijin once said: Second-child families should focus on the big body, not on the small one.

For example, to divide oranges, parents do not divide, peel them and give them to the big one, let him divide them, he is willing to give the second child as much as he wants, parents do not say;

And even if the second eldest is divided less, he will not say, because the identity of the eldest is there.

And the fact is often that after the boss has the right, he will slowly take care of the small and take the initiative to give the small more.

If your parents say that you are the eldest, you should eat less and give more to your younger brother and sister, is the eldest unhappy, and the second is proud?

Respect the identity of the boss and give the boss the right, he will do what you expect.

At this point, Sun Li and Deng Chao, a model couple in the entertainment industry, have done very well.

When his younger sister Xiaohua was not yet born, Sun Li gave the naming power to his brother and so on, he liked an animated tiger called Xiaohua, so his sister was called Xiaohua.

Sun Li also carefully prepared a gift, telling Waiter that it was given to him by his sister, which made Wait's good impression of Xiaohua immediately arise.

Even Sun Li would take into account the feelings of Xiaohua 100 Days Banquet and tell him, "This is also your 33-month-old party."

And for the conflict between brothers and sisters, Sun Li has always let the child discuss to solve the conflict, never favoring his sister, and even told the nanny that no matter what food he wants to eat his sister, he will give it to him.

With enough love and trust, the relationship with her sister became closer and closer, and so on not only did not see her sister as a threat, but became her little teacher and patron saint, sticking together every day and not letting go.

Isn't this the best look in a second-child family.

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Two-child and three-child families

While raising Xiaobao, we must also protect Dabao

Every parent should know that parental neglect is a deep hurt to Dabao!

The parents' lack of concern, and the various comparisons with the arrival of the second child, can hurt the child's self-esteem.

Parents only care about their second child, which can confuse older babies, and lack of attention can make them lose purpose and lead to a lack of social skills.

The inferiority complex caused by not being paid enough attention tempts children to become unfriend-friendly and introverted to extremes.

Remember the girl who jumped into the river with her 10-year-old sister in Henan to kill herself?

Because her parents favored her younger brother, because her parents always asked her to let Jean, which made her very desperate: why do I want to let my younger brother every time, everything is dominated by my younger brother, and I don't care about the feelings of me and my sister! Why does my sister want to let, let, let!

Because of the partiality of their parents, the two children were desperate to die, which is too distressing.

There is a netizen's experience on Zhihu that is very distressing: I am the eldest, I am the eldest and my sister, and my brother is five years younger than me, and there is a scene that I still remember vividly, although I have grown up.

Dad taught my younger brother to draw very patiently under the lamp, turned around and raised a cold eyebrow at me, maybe I was disobedient when I was a child, always talking back, my parents always roared at me irritablely, or they beat me.

This kind of differential treatment, as well as the bottomless concession in life, even if 30 years have passed, the harm of her original family makes her insurmountable for life!

Parents should know that children are very sensitive, even if it is the slightest snub and differential treatment of parents, TA can feel the partiality and neglect of parents.

Therefore, if you are also preparing to have a second child and feel that all the conditions are met, before starting the second and third child plans, please give Dabao enough security and love, please communicate with Dabao in advance.

There are two steps to this: before the arrival of the second baby and after the baby is born.

First: Communicate with Dabao in advance before the birth of the second child

● Let Dabao help choose the things in the younger siblings' room.

● Ask Dabao to pick a gift for his younger siblings, and mom and dad should also prepare a gift for Dabao.

●Find more time to accompany Dabao. Let Dabao know that even if he has younger siblings, his parents still love him very, very much as always.

● Look at picture books. There are books written specifically for young children about growing families, which can help children understand the changes that are taking place in the family.

● Tell Dabao about the changes in the family after that. Reassure the older child that although the child needs a lot of attention, there is still enough time and love for him or her.

● Pay attention to Dabao's position in the family, patiently tell him that you are the baby's "big brother/sister" and help the child enjoy this new role.

●Older babies can be brought with them during prenatal checkups. Let him participate in the process, after the baby is born, schedule a time for them to meet as soon as possible, the first greeting is important.

Image source: @亲爱的小课桌

Second: Give Dabao enough love after the birth of the second child

Never scold another child in front of your child.

● Never compare children. Never compare children with things like a brother who is disobedient or a sister who is not sensible, appreciate your child's behavior, show your child the right way to do things, and don't hint at who does it better.

● Do not get too involved in arguments between children. Let the child negotiate to resolve the conflict, and parents should not take sides.

● Praise the child. If Dabao gently touches the baby, give him compliments, hugs and kiss him, tell him how great he is, mom and dad are proud of him.

●Support the child's psychological feelings. The child will have jealousy and he will sometimes dislike his younger siblings, since the arrival of younger siblings will disrupt his life, understand and speak his feelings and tell him that it is okay so that he does not attract attention with bad things.

●Pay special attention to the emotions of older children. Increase your love for older children, say more I love you, increase the number of hugs per day, find time to read or play games, and if older children have emotional problems, regularly give children time that belongs to TA.

● Get Dabao involved. Teach Dabao how to help the baby, how to play with the baby, older brothers and sisters open the baby's gift, and take pictures of the baby with the camera. Teach him how to put socks on babies and encourage him to praise him.

● Make everyone special. Avoid comparing siblings, even on seemingly insignificant topics like birth weight, when they first crawled or walked, or who has more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticism.

● Never allow others to hurt Daibao. Around us, there are always some adults who will say to the boss twice in three days that Mom and Dad don't want you if they give birth to younger siblings, and Mom and Dad don't like you when they give birth to younger siblings.

These words are deeply hurtful to the child, please be sure to stop this behavior, for the boss, these words will bring deep panic and insecurity to the TA.

● Let your child understand you. When you don't have enough time to spend with Dabao, be sure to explain to Dabao why this happened, communicate with him, and understand his fears. You want him to know that for some reason you can't stay with him all the time.

The arrival of the second baby, every family needs time to adapt, in this process, the boss's psychology needs more attention, focus on handling this matter, so that the baby can peacefully adapt to the new family model.

Before the birth of the second child, let the eldest accept the second child from the heart, and after the birth of the second child, balance the care and love for the two children, which is the correct love of parents for the two children.

I hope that every baby can grow up under the care of mom and dad!

Reference article

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