·Inward Writing Camp is now enrolling·
01
The three Peking University girls who talked to Chizuko Ueno were scolded very badly, especially all hee-hee, because the video of the conversation was posted on her account.
Many people on Weibo called the conversation "a conversation between one brain and three wombs." This kind of jittering joke is catchy, easy to spread, and perfectly meets the needs of social media to lead the war; But when the womb is brought out naked like this, it becomes the opposite of the brain, essentially becoming a deep "misogyny".
To put it mildly, "three wives ask vicious questions to non-marital people." This vicious question should refer specifically to the question that is now ridiculed by the whole Internet, that is, Quan Hee asked Ueno-sensei if he didn't get married because he was hurt by a man.
This is a stupid and bad question.
The stupid thing is that the three women wear the hat of Peking University graduates and wise women, but they don't know anything about the basic common sense of feminism that "women have the right to take the initiative to choose". It is taken for granted that any choice of women is due to bad luck and scumbags, and women are born unable to take off actively, and can only passively achieve nirvana.
Fortunately, Chizuko answered well. Twice she said gently but firmly that I had no interest in marriage.
The second time also added: I am just not interested in marriage, men I still like.
The bad side is that in order to attract more traffic, the vlogger deliberately downgraded the conversation from an academic discussion to a family relationship forum, about to gossip about Ueno-sensei's lace news and fierce material.
Peking University girls also posed a question, "After learning feminism, will it never be harmed again?" This question is even more bizarre than the previous one, which understands feminism as a weapon that makes women invulnerable.
And in fact, when a person is invulnerable, he loses the ability to love - we are hurt because we are brave to love; Harm is not terrible, it is a mirror of introspection that allows us to see our true needs more clearly.
The real horror is to blame oneself for the harm, not others; For example, I was hurt and blamed for not studying feminism.
When the three women talk to Ms. Chizuko Ueno with this attitude, the two sides have actually lost the possibility of academic discussion.
But academic inequality does not mean personality inequality. If Chizuko Ueno is positioned as a high class, and the three Peking University girls are positioned as a married donkey, a wife, and a womb, the discussion of feminism will become an infighting in the female camp.
The change of women's status has never relied on infighting, but everyone working together to solve the social structural problems that cause women's anxiety, weakness, low self-esteem, and screwing.
I agree with blogger Yan Yijia's comment: If we feel uncomfortable with videos, we should think about the discomfort itself, not attack the character of the creator.
02
Chizuko Ueno, a professor and sociologist at the University of Tokyo, although "Misogyny: Japan's Female Dislike" ranks 56th on Douban with a score of 9.1, but for ordinary readers in China, this name is still relatively unfamiliar.
With the rise of domestic feminism, the commercial value of Chizuko Ueno was also tapped.
At the beginning of this year, two new books appeared, one is "The Choice as a Woman" by Iron Sharpening, and the other is "Chizuko Ueno's Private Talk: Solving Problems Like a Feminist" by Guangxi Normal University.
This conversation can be understood as a warm-up for the new book. Based on the need to break the circle, the publishing agency arranged a conversation between Chizuko Ueno and short video bloggers.
Many netizens blamed Quan Xixi for not leaving the man in three sentences and losing the face of the Chinese woman. In fact, as long as you look at Quan Xixi's past videos, it is not difficult to find that people eat this bowl of rice.
Most of her videos with high views revolve around marriage and family, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. For example, Peking University women and two men, urban daughters-in-law and rural mothers-in-law, and so on.
Quan Xixi himself showed a strong sense of screwing in the short video. On the one hand, he constantly emphasized that he graduated from Kochi and Peking University, and even once had media publicity that these three girls earned a lot of money by making short videos, and they had seven-digit deposits on their bank cards at the age of 30.
But Quan Xixi seems to be completely unable to control his life and has been passively making choices.
Before the age of 30, she was eager to solve the marriage problem, and did not dare to go back to her hometown for the New Year without getting married.
Before marrying her husband, she said that she was good to Dink, and then her husband wanted to have children, which made her very insecure, feeling that if she did not have children, her husband would definitely cheat and have children with others, so she decided to try to have a child.
She was also not harmonious in her sex life, and the reason that prompted her to "hand in her homework" was that she found out that her husband was going out to "buy sex".
While similar anxieties are real and may be experienced by countless real-life women, as a traffic business, it is difficult for me to determine whether this is the real life of the owner or a selective marketing topic.
But since Quan Hee Hee is this kind of character, it is not surprising that the dialogue with Chizuko Ueno was made like what we see now.
The blame is all on the three Peking University girls, and even feel that they have lost the face of Chinese women, and this excessive attack is unnecessary.
The dialogue between the talented girl of Peking University and Chizuko Ueno is just a cooperation, or advertising is not exaggerated; It was not they who took the initiative to choose this dialogue, but the organizers chose them on their own initiative, and it is even said that there is an outline of questions.
As a woman, I have always supported feminism, but I also understand that publishing is a business.
Quan Xihee's video caused a huge debate, and both she herself and this conversation achieved the marketing effect of going out of the circle and breaking the circle.
I read Red Star News yesterday, and Chizuko Ueno's books have been sold out on various platforms because they sold out too quickly, and at one point it was even rumored that her books were taken off the shelves.
03
The decision to talk to three married women to a single feminist scholar has created a kind of antagonism in itself. During the dialogue, Chizuko Ueno emphasizes that women cannot fool themselves and must figure out the true path to happiness.
But the paradox in life is that if a woman does not fool herself, it is actually difficult to have the courage to enter into marriage; When you become a thorough feminist, it's hard to get interested in marriage anymore.
As a product of a patriarchal society, marriage was born in the historical context of the need for privatization of women. It not only denies women the right to participate in social labor, but also helps men to affirm the authority of the family and the uniqueness of biological and sociological fathers.
Even the social structure of patriarchy has been based on female devotion from the very beginning.
To put it bluntly, marriage is a system established for men, although Chizuko Ueno advocated that women can become feminists as long as they pursue free thoughts, live freely and freely, and marry or not.
But in real life, once a woman enters marriage and decides to have children, it means losing both her body and mind
Freedom.
In China, where young women's freedom is usually achieved by exploiting the value of older women's labor, young married women are bound to be trapped more deeply in the family without mothers-in-law and mothers to help raise children.
At this time, another situation arises: urban women achieve freedom by exploiting the value of rural women's labor.
While Peking University's "wife" conversation with Chizuko Ueno is making a fuss, another dialogue is quietly underway: Peking University professor Dai Jinhua talks to Chizuko Ueno.
Online information shows that Teacher Dai Jinhua was married and had no children, but she took care of her mother for many years, and after her mother's death, Teacher Dai felt that she had regained her freedom.
It can be seen that the freedom of the body and the freedom of the mind are difficult to completely distinguish.
In a conversation with Dai, Ueno talked about how urban women in China can achieve a balance between family and work by hiring rural women. But Japan does not have such a big urban-rural and class difference, so Japanese women cannot achieve freedom by outsourcing household chores.
In fact, no matter what kind of dialogue, we should not ignore those grassroots women who may not have the opportunity to hear and see this dialogue, they are the women who need feminist enlightenment the most and are most persecuted by the patriarchal society.
This part of the women is also the majority of Chinese women.
When they appear in the field of public discourse, they are often ridiculed by women who call themselves "feminist" for deserving and not working hard.
This taunt is also a deeply hidden misogyny.
It is easy to form a public opinion, as if women's misfortune is their own reasons; Women can only change this status on their own.
It's not. The real improvement of women's social status depends on the efforts of the whole society; Women's difficulties do not come from the female group itself, but from the structural injustice of society; It's not just about women, it's about men, and even all of humanity – think about why women don't want to have children, and this question has an instant answer.
04
In a patriarchal society, almost every woman carries misogynistic genes.
Chizuruko herself answered frankly: If I hadn't been misogynistic, I wouldn't have been a feminist; This phrase expresses the same meaning as Beauvoir's "I am like everyone, half complicit and half victim".
"Women's misogyny is more troublesome than men's misogyny, because women's misogyny is essentially self-loathing."
Feminists grew up in self-reflection on "misogyny."
It's a long and painful process, but once you become a true feminist, you can see your situation and stop being exploited by anyone.
You will clearly understand that the essence of a partnership is respect; Parenthood is just a short journey in life, and eventually you will reach freedom. Be understanding of yourself and your peers; You will resolutely give up things that may be very important in the eyes of others because they look beautiful but bind you.
True feminists, who live freely rather than perfectly; Know how to give up, not want everything.
At the same time, freedom is not a slogan.
In a conversation with Dai Jinhua, Chizuko Ueno said that women should be wary of feminist heroism. "Women actually live in everyday life", by dealing with concrete and small things, to construct their own way of seeing the world.
Nowadays, the discussion of women's rights and feminism on Weibo is too easy to engage in big hats and heroism. At every turn, it forms an either/or opposition, the essence is still "misogyny", and it is necessary to cover up the weakness of the heart with toughness.
Is weakness guilty in fact? Women's weakness is not our fault, what is really at fault is the society that makes us weak.
Writing here, I think of an article by teacher Yu Xiuhua, which is also my favorite one of her works, in which she said that she rejected many big words, such as suffering, strength, role model, and so on.
"A strong woman is also fundamentally unfortunate. Because her weak shoulders have no one to rely on, so even her life is a failure. Fortunately, life's failures are neither shameful nor terrible, and because of such failures, her life is clearly there. And our lives are not for anyone to see, nor to please anyone.
So, being strong is about ourselves, the contrast of our own souls. And the strength here is to reject the perception and self-righteousness of the outside world.
What we insist on must be what we like, because we like it, so we persist, and after a long time, it becomes strong. ”
Feminism is the same as Yu Xiuhua's "strong", there is no gorgeous robe and there will be no lice under the robe; It is to live one's own life clearly, preferring to accept failure in the eyes of the world rather than fool oneself.