In The current family model in China, parenting problems are usually dominated by mothers and supplemented by fathers. But even if dad is only a supporting role, there are still many "unreliable and pit baby" behaviors.
Girlfriend Xiao Hu couldn't help but desperately spit on her husband at the party. Originally, just past the May Day holiday, the Xiao Hu family was planning to go on an outing in the surrounding area.
Who knows that before leaving, Xiao Hu's husband repented, and he found a lot of grand reasons, such as: the weather is too hot, take the child out of the heat stroke what to do?
Xiao Hu looked at him and scoffed, why did her husband temporarily repent? The real reason Xiao Hu knew very well in his heart.
Last night, Xiao Hu's husband was addicted to playing games, and he played until three more in the middle of the night before giving up, the night rest was not good, and he got up today to be listless, and naturally thought of being lazy and not going out.
"I want you to understand that we as parents must do what we promise our children." Xiao Hu gave her husband an "ultimatum".
Hindered by Xiao Hu's insistence, Xiao Hu's husband finally obediently went. But the trip of a family of three is not good at all, Xiao Hu's husband because of poor spirits, so he has to rest after walking a long way, and repeatedly interrupts the child's interest in outings.
After lunch, Xiao Hu's husband insisted on going home on the grounds that "if you don't go home again, you will be stuck in traffic".
After arriving home, Xiao Hu's husband turned his head and entered the bedroom, and in the blink of an eye, he snored like thunder. Looking at the disappointed child, Xiao Hu did not know how to explain.
Why are many dads "unreliable"? I think there are two reasons for this:
First, it is related to traditional ideas.
In China's current family system, "male outside, female inside" is a very popular model. Dad thinks that he has taken on the burden of family finances, so childcare should be done independently by Mom. Occasionally, dad has time to spend with the baby, and he will also show a "help" gesture.
Second, it is related to the mode of getting along between parents and children.
At the beginning of life, the mother experienced the hardships of pregnancy in October, felt the fetal movement in the womb, and the experience of mother and child integration, so that every mother had an instinctive love for the child, and was eager to do everything to provide the best for the child.
In the eyes of the father, although the birth of the child inherits his own bloodline, after all, he has not personally participated in the process of life conception, and to some extent, the natural love for the child is not as strong as the mother.
But neither of these reasons can constitute a reason for dads to refuse to participate in family parenting. Children are not only the crystallization of the love of both husband and wife, but also the common responsibility of both husband and wife. On the road of family parenting, there can be a distinction between the primary and secondary, but it does not mean that there is a difference between light and heavy responsibilities.
The master of psychology, Freud, once said: "The father in the eyes of the child is a superman who combines law, binding force, majesty, and power." ”
It is conceivable that if the father is absent on the way to parenting, the impact on the child's future is very large. What is even more regrettable is that there are 4 types of fathers, who use self-righteous parenting methods to make a wrong demonstration on the road to children's growth, and it is difficult for these types of fathers and children to become talented in the future, even if the mother tries no harder.
The first category: rebellious, unscored dads
As the father shared in the story above, he is a typical father representative who is rebellious and does not pay attention to integrity.
In real life, there are countless such fathers, who promise their children on a whim, but then find reasons to prevaricate their children because of personal reasons, work reasons, etc. In the father's cognition, the child is young and confused, and even if the things promised to the child are not done, it will not have much impact.
However, in the child's cognition, superhuman father should be omnipotent, and the things promised to the child cannot be done, which is equivalent to a self-destructive image, and it is difficult to gain the child's trust after repeated untrustworthiness.
Therefore, the father should not casually make a promise to the child, and the promise made must go all out to do it. Special things are delayed, but also to carefully explain to the child, put forward a plan to make up, so that the child feels the father's attention to the commitment.
The second category: grumpy dads, habitually using scolding to solve problems
Compared with the mother, the father's sense of strength is more powerful in the child's mind, so many "hard work" things, the child habitually seeks the help of the father.
However, some fathers are born with a "violent temper", in the face of children's naughty behavior, they are difficult to tolerate, and the education method of "non-hitting and scolding" for children makes children have an instinctive sense of fear of their fathers.
Maybe the father feels complacent about this, the child feels afraid, isn't it easier to educate? But this practice is limited to the child's young and ignorant time may have an effect, once the child's self-awareness begins to increase, the child may launch a rebellion, if the father at this time to increase the child's treatment, will destroy the child's inner sense of security.
Children who have lived in this negative stress environment for a long time have difficulty in having good emotions, are prone to impatience when things happen, and habitually use force to solve problems.
The third category: "double standard" fathers, strictly require their children not to know self-discipline
Some fathers habitually implement the "double standard" and treat their children strictly, but they cannot lead by example.
Just like the fathers I know, there is a father who constantly makes rules for his children, is not allowed to look around when writing homework, is not allowed to chat when eating, and is not allowed to participate in outdoor sports and is not allowed to play electronic products.
It all sounds reasonable, but the dad himself is repeatedly "fouled", dancing with his teeth and claws during meals, talking, sitting on the sofa and brushing his mobile phone motionless. These behaviors are seen in the eyes of children and remembered in their hearts.
The most impressive one, the child asked the father: Why can't you do what you ask yourself? Dad was speechless, and thought for a long time before he found a reason to prevaricate: because Dad was an adult.
The reason why the father is an adult is obviously not convincing, this kind of "covering his ears and stealing the bell" will only make the child look down on his father, and question the father in his heart, and the rules made by the father and the child are not worth following in the child's mind.
As the saying goes, parenting is self-discipline first, and when the father sets a standard for the child, he must first weigh whether he can do it, and educate the child with the power of teaching by example, which is much more useful than empty words.
The fourth category: transparent people fathers, never find time to spend with their children
There is a type of father, who is a "transparent person" in the eyes of his children, who comes out early and returns to work late, and he can't find time to accompany his children at all.
To know that childhood is only a few years, children need the company of their father is actually very short, and after they have established their own social circle, the company of the father is not so important in their minds. The missing time is at the expense of family affection, and it is difficult for children to get close to their fathers when they grow up.
With this literature to all fathers, don't think that parenting is the responsibility of the mother alone, if you want the child to become a pillar of talent, the father also needs to be fully committed, seriously participate in the process of parenting, and witness the growth of the child together.
![When this parent falls into "temperature anxiety": finding security in the thermometer[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)