I have always had the idea in my subconscious that I am being used to accomplish other people's goals and missions. So, I see myself as a tool, not a target. Tools are not important, goals are important, tools exist to achieve goals.
I have been particularly concerned about what others think of me since I was a child, and in order to make a good impression on others, I almost never dare to say what I really think, unless I am in a very, very safe environment. If I feel that what I say and do will make others unhappy or cause trouble for others, then I will not say it.
I find this kind of thinking to create a huge obstacle to my marriage and parent-child relationship. Because of the high requirements for themselves, the invisibly high requirements for others are also very high. Because you can't accept your own mistakes, naturally you can't accept others to make mistakes. Because I don't know how to take care of myself, nor do I know how to take care of the people around me, this kind of thinking gave me.
My family often says that I am cold and slow, not enthusiastic about people, and indecisive in doing things. The more others say this about me, the more I believe that I am such a person. But I hate myself for being such a person, wanting to get rid of it, but I can't do it for the sake of it, I can't exist without myself.
When I can't do things well on my own, I am very angry and disappointed in myself, and I will even do some extreme behavior to punish myself.
The root of all this comes from my disapproval of myself, and I may be able to understand and tolerate the weakness of others, but I have absolutely zero tolerance for my own mistakes. It wasn't until I was able to accept my true self and start learning to love and empathize with my true self that the situation got better.
I have always been taught to serve others, but a crippled person cannot serve others unless my heart is filled with love, so that I can serve others with love.
I have found that only when I am filled with love can I love others; only if I am convinced of my identity can I help others find their identity; only if I can face my true self, can I truly enjoy life.
A lot of times, what I need isn't to complain that I don't have the stronger knowledge or skills to get things done. On the contrary, in the case of their own efforts, no matter what the result is, it is most necessary to be able to encourage, comfort and accept themselves in time. When I can treat myself like this, I can slowly treat others this way.
Only by loving yourself first can you love others.