"You're a mother pig, go and die!"
At lunch yesterday, my colleague complained to me with a sad face: "I didn't expect my son to say such ugly words, I was really angry and sad!"
Her son's situation goes like this:
Just started kindergarten, recently often inexplicably out of some ugly words, "you are a big pig's head", "stupid!", "big fool"...
Colleagues and couples persuaded and scolded, but the child said more and more addicted.
Last week, because I didn't eat well, I was educated by my colleagues, and the child lost his temper and said: "The pig head mother will die!" and "Give me the egg!".
"I've always felt that children who swear and swear are the kind that walk the streets and alleys all day and have no one to take care of them, so why are my children like this?" Is it my education that failed?"
Image source: @Visual China
I believe that many mothers will encounter such a situation as my colleagues, they are obviously strict in tutoring, polite this lesson is not less for the child, but the child suddenly "becomes bad", dirty words, it is really shameful and annoying and embarrassing, all kinds of taste on the heart.
But in fact, as long as you take a minute to understand the reasons behind the swear words, you will find that the child is not so "bad", and more than half of your worries are superfluous.
First, the real reason why the baby says dirty words
1, are the "curse sensitive period" at work
I wonder if you've ever heard of "curse sensitive period"?
"Curse sensitive period" generally appears during the child's 3-5 years of age, this stage of children, is in the early stages of learning language, after being exposed to some dirty words or curse words, they like to use it regardless of the occasion, when adults strongly stop children from saying dirty words, the more excited they are, the more they want to speak.
Because, at this time, children can easily find the power of profanity: swear words can attract the attention of people around them (such as parents) more than ordinary words, so "swear words" are more powerful in the eyes of children.
This is a necessary process for every child to grow, and as long as this stage has passed, it will return to normal.
Parents don't have to make a big fuss, just do a good job of guidance.
2, did not understand the meaning of the word
Like a co-worker child saying "mom to die", do you believe that this is the child's true words? Is it really because the child is bad at learning? Become ungrateful?
Of course not.
The so-called fairy tale is unbridled, all because the speaker has no heart.
Children in the early days of language learning do not understand the meaning of all words.
Many indecent words such as "to die", "pig's head", "bullshit" and so on, children often say it before they understand the meaning, especially when they find that these words can make you have unusual reactions, they feel more interesting, there is no malice in their hearts.
3, like to imitate others
3-4-year-old children have the strongest imitation power, once they hear adults or children around them talk dirty, and these people are not punished, children will feel: It turns out that everyone is like this, then I can also.
In my family, for example, I have always been a confused person, and for the first two years, his father used to say to me, "How are you so stupid...". Then, when I was more than four years old, I liked to say "stupid mother", "mother is so stupid"...
It can be seen that the child's exemplary ability is very strong, and parents should not be blind in front of the child.
Image source: @Visual China
Second, it's not so bad for children to say dirty words
If I say that swear words are not so bad when I say dirty words, and even sometimes swear words are good for their physical and mental health, can you believe it?
The BBC once made a documentary about the study of profanity, and the study found that:
When people talk dirty, they will cause the emotional center of the right hemisphere of the brain to be active, causing the human body to be stressed, and the chemicals secreted by stress will help the human body cope with many things.
For example:
When pregnant women give birth too much pain, swearing will increase tolerance;
When children whose language skills have not yet developed perfectly, when they face their own angry and wronged things, swearing and swearing can relieve the state of nervous tension and release stress.
More interestingly, psychologists at Maryst College and the Massachusetts Academy of Liberal Arts in the United States unexpectedly found in a study of swear words that children who can swear words tend to have higher IQs.
Does that mean letting go of the dirty words to the child?
Of course not.
Many psychological researchers believe that swearing is a substitute for physical violence, which can replace the body to vent complex emotions, but at the same time, it will also expose a person's ability to manage emotions from the side.
Although parents don't have to be too nervous when children say dirty words, they still have to do a good job of guiding.
Otherwise, the child will develop the habit of liking to talk dirty, and the emotional management ability will become lower.
Third, the child says dirty words, what should parents do
1. Desalination treatment
We all know that children have a nature, which is to rebel.
Many times, the child says dirty words, and the first reaction of the parents is to immediately stop and accuse.
This way the child can easily receive a signal from the parent's emotions: the parent is afraid of him saying dirty words. It is easier to show "if you don't let me talk about it, I will talk about it".
The right way is cold treatment. Tell the family not to respond to the child's words, no one responds, the child will gradually lose interest in these "words", he himself is too lazy to use them.
Just as in the movie "To Kill a Mockingbird", in the face of the daughter of the "bitch" Scutter, the father Finch will take a very patient approach to education, he said:
"Swearing is a stage that every child goes through, and as they grow up, when they know it's not noticeable, they'll automatically break bad habits." But the grumpy temperament does not. ”
2. Guide children to think differently
Children don't know how serious they are, so parents still have to nag them.
Especially older children, they begin to understand the meaning of dirty words, understand that dirty words have the power to attack people, this power will strengthen the child's problem of swearing, and over time they will develop the habit of saying dirty words.
At this time, you must reason with him, you can ask the child:
Where did you hear the word?
Do you know what it means?
How would you feel if someone else said dirty things to themselves?
Patiently explain the rudeness and offense of swear words to your child, and let your child understand that it is impolite to say dirty words.
Even if the child is ignorant, he will gradually understand it and begin to worry about the feelings of others.
3. Let children learn to express emotions correctly
As we said earlier, like adults, children sometimes use dirty words to vent their emotions, which is very helpful for them to relieve nervous tension. But we still have to tell children: to vent emotions must pay attention to the way and occasion.
It's okay for you to talk dirty in front of the mirror in your room, but in the face of many occasions, many people, swearing is an unsven or even uncultured behavior. This is the same reason as not spitting on the ground and not throwing garbage everywhere.
Most of the time, emotions can also be expressed with some ordinary, appropriate emotional words, such as "I am really angry", "I don't like"...
Let the child recognize from the bottom of his heart that dirty words really cannot be said casually, it is necessary to pay a certain "price", this price will be "impolite" labels, people around them do not like, so that natural bad habits will be changed.
Image source: @Visual China
Finally, it should be said that teaching by example is the most advanced and effective education.
We often say that parents are the first teachers of children, children are a mirror of us, you hope that children grow into a polite, educated person, then the most basic parents themselves, you must first become a civilized language pacesetter.