Zhao Yu | Education Q&A 4: How to cut off the back road for children?

Zhao Yu: So your workload may be a little bigger, that is, you have to agree with your grandparents to let your children really live on their own after the age of 18, right? Then in the academy, what level do you want to achieve this semester, you have to set a goal, you have to discuss with the teacher, let the teacher set a goal for him according to his level, this is the first, the second, this goal is the goal that he can achieve after hard work, rather than saying that he wants to set a goal. After the fixing, tell him that by the holiday of July 1st, we will officially test it, whether you want to achieve it, then in the summer we will find you a job, you go to experience.

Wu: Hmm.

Zhao Yu: You have to make up your mind from now on, if you don't study hard, then you have to adjust, not that you do ideological work while studying, this is not adjustment, adjustment is to let him experience life, let him feel the world that he may face in the future, it is like this. You look at their challenge class today, they moved bricks for a few months, right? It is that there are very few classes, it is for you to experience, you feel it well, learning is one way, and the other way is work.

You tell him every day how hard it is, you show him the video, how hard the person who moved the bricks, how hard the factory workers are, how pitiful, that feeling, it's just a feeling, you only let him personally move, every drop of sweat falls on the ground, the sun on his head, to the night tired this waist is a little sore, a little do not want to move, even do not want to play games, do not want to eat, that feeling is the most real. That's something that can't be described in words.

So it's that you have big goals, such as what to do after three years, and then small goals to have, otherwise he fools you for three years, and after three years you can't achieve it, you can't do it, right? So this must be a stage to have an assessment, that is, to set a goal for the child, or if you think that a semester is a little far away, that is, now April 20th, then to June 1st, what level do you want to reach? And then make it clear to the child like this, I think this is the real way out. You're not in a good shape, I don't talk to you so much, just let him experience.

Wu: Hmm.

Zhao Yu: The most important thing is that you are here to be true, not just to talk, every word you say is thrown out, then there must be a loud noise, you can't hit the water and leave, right? It is some of the things agreed with the child, you discuss it in advance, can you implement it? For example, I just said that on July 1st, what goal do you achieve, I find you a factory, you go to experience, when you are a child laborer for a month and two months, right? So can you implement this, can you find such a suitable place, and then can you do it, let the child experience, and then whether the child's grandparents support it? You have to think about all of this in advance. You don't have to finish it at this time, the result is that you can't cash in on July 1st, what to say after that, the child feels that you are scaring him, that is also more troublesome, said to come to the truth. I think it might be a little better.

Wu: So let me summarize that one is that the road is subjective; the second is that the father is more involved, and the third is the medium- and long-term, short-term goals set for him. Then this internal problem of the family, we have no problem, that is, if this side is to set a goal or some serious or something that must be done, the father will be more powerful. At present, I summarize these three points, you see another word is that the father needs to learn, how to communicate with the child, then this time I let him look at these articles on your side, if there is a collation in the later stage, then trouble Teacher Zhao to give me a copy, thank you.

Zhao Yu: No problem, there is also one thing I need to remind, just because what we just talked about is to cut off the back road with the child, so some words are very harsh, because this is the communication between us, so it is very strict. But telling a child is not saying that. Tell your child, but it doesn't mean that you don't move bricks if you don't work hard, find you a job if you don't work hard, don't go to school.

Usually, after we set the goal, set these rules for us, the next time we communicate with the child, we still have to use the four steps I wrote last time, it must be gentle and firm, that is, I am discussing with you. What we give you advice on what it looks like. Then you choose, after the election, the child has some things we may not be able to force him, but we have to be able to keep their own bottom line, the most important thing for us parents is to keep their bottom line, always consider how I do, you tell him, for example, we want to talk about this to July 1st, you tell him to July 1st, if you do not achieve the goal. Then we will no longer pay you tuition, you will earn your own tuition, we have to consider paying you tuition according to the performance of your work. If you want to go to the system, then you go by yourself, as long as you can afford to pay the tuition, you go by yourself.

We only say what we decide to do, we decide what to offer you, or what not to offer. Even when it is necessary, for example, some children are very tricky, you can tell him, you don't go to school, you lie at home, sorry, at home, all the things we provide you are also conditional, right? It is when it is necessary that we always from our point of view, what we have to do, instead of saying that the child you give me to learn to go, you give me sports to go, this is not from his point of view, is from our point of view. You can stay at home, but I can only send you three buns a day, and you have to work hard to earn the rest. You're going to earn money, take it in exchange, I don't know if I mean it clearly.

Yes, this is a very important point, is still to respect the child, or to really understand him, usually when the child tells you about some of his difficulties, we still have to find a way to solve it with him, for example, if he sets a goal, then there will definitely be many difficulties in this process, he will sometimes have insufficient confidence, sometimes it will feel that this method seems to be wrong, we are all going to hold a mentality of growing up with him and helping him grow, and find a way to solve the problem with him. We can give him some advice, we can encourage him to communicate with the teacher, and even we can communicate with the teacher and then talk to the child. Anyway, we have to find a way to help him, this is our positioning. Can you understand?

Wu: I understand.

Zhao Yu: Yes, the usual communication, just like the communication between the mountain chief and Xiao Minghui, smiling and squinting, saying what I decided to do, you tell him, Mom and Dad decided how to do it, and the rest gives you a range of choices, you can choose yourself, but you think clearly. This process is full of respect and understanding, even if the child chooses something different from what we think, it doesn't matter, we just don't care what he chooses, we have to think, he chooses this, then what do I do? So what can I do? It can prompt him to think a little more, to reflect a little more, to change a little more. Instead of forcing the child to do what we say, this is my general idea.

Wu: Thank you, Elder Zhao Yu.

Zhao Yu: Okay, so let's go here first...

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