He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
In a relationship, people will go through such a stage:
Generate good feelings, establish relationships, periods of love, periods of break-in, periods of blandness.
The stage of emotional crisis is often gathered in the "run-in period".
After the run-in period, the relationship either develops in a stable direction or is the end of the relationship between two people.
And what defeats the feelings of two people is often some endless small things.
A female reader left a message:
She said that she had just broken up with her boyfriend who had been in love for more than a year, and the reason was only because of the small question of whether the toilet seat should be covered.
Every time she went to the bathroom, she wouldn't lift the toilet seat.
And the boyfriend will complain to her every time: "Can't you pick up the toilet seat?" I have to pick it up every time. ”
And she retorted to her boyfriend: "Why can't you cover it every time you use it?" The toilet seat should have been covered. ”
Just such a small thing, two people will not give in, and neither of them is willing to bow their heads.
After a big fight, the two people parted ways; and it was only 2 months before the two people lived together.
On the surface, this is the inevitable result of the accumulation of small things to a certain contradiction.
But in a deeper analysis, it is actually a contradiction caused by the difference in personality and living habits of the two people.
-01
What time does the run-in period generally occur?
Generally speaking, the run-in period occurs six months after the couple has established a relationship and lasts for about 1 year.
In other words, the run-in period will last about 3-6 months.
At this stage, if two people can overcome contradictions, tolerate each other, and tolerate each other, then the feelings will definitely develop in a good and stable direction.
But if neither of the two people is willing to give in and allows a small contradiction to continue to ferment, the feeling will only develop towards the worst result.
Back to the feelings of the female reader mentioned above.
The two of them, with completely different options, had different options to deal with this little thing.
Like what:
Every time they went to the bathroom, they did what the other person thought.
The boy covers the toilet seat and the girl lifts the toilet seat, so as to avoid the contradiction between the two people.
Or, take a compromise approach, after two people have used up the toilet, cover the toilet completely.
Doing so is the fairest thing to do for each other.
In essence, the run-in period between couples is mainly to compete for the "initiative" in the relationship.
What is "initiative" in a relationship?
You can understand it as: the strong side.
Once the initiative is won, it means that one party is the strongest party in the relationship and can overpower the other party's momentum in all aspects.
From the perspective of feelings, everyone wants to get the greatest satisfaction in this relationship.
Including material satisfaction, emotional satisfaction.
Girls want to be spoiled by boys, want sweet talk, want romance.
Boys want to be adored, they want to be respected, and they want to say nothing.
When ideas and ideas become opposed, contradictions are bound to arise.
-02
The love model of "forcing each other" will inevitably break up
What is forcing each other?
For example:
After the boy lived with his girlfriend, he had many conflicts because of the difference in living habits.
Every time the boys finish eating, they want to ask their girlfriends to go downstairs for a walk and exercise; while the girls want to stay at home and watch dramas, they don't want to go out.
The boy was very angry about this, and threw a tantrum at his girlfriend: "You are also too lazy, is it not good to exercise?" ”
The girlfriend is reluctant to be soft: "If you want to go, go by yourself, can you not always force me?" ”
You see, this is the difference in lifestyle habits.
How to solve it?
If the boy wants to go for a walk, he can ask his girlfriend's opinion: "Do you want to go?" If you don't go, then I'll go myself. ”
In this way, you can avoid contradictions without delaying your own ideas.
Once the couple's feelings have developed to "you must live according to my requirements", then the feelings will begin to decline.
A person sets rules in the relationship and requires the other person to follow them unconditionally.
Isn't this a kind of "control" in disguise?
Couples get along, the most taboo is:
"Impose your own ideas on the other person, ask the other party to obey themselves and listen to themselves."
Once the other party does not listen to their own opinions and arrangements, they will be angry and irritable.
But they didn't think about it, why?
-03
How to manage feelings in order to successfully pass the "run-in period"?
First: Do not do to others what you do not want
If you don't want to do something yourself, don't let the other party do it;
Don't add your own ideas to the other person, because the other person may not like your life model.
Respecting each other and accepting each other are the most basic principles for couples to get along.
You are different from each other, you are an independent individual, and you should accept each other's differences.
Only by learning to accept first can we better live with each other.
Second: Accept the gap and reduce the expectation value
Even if you fall in love again, you should understand one truth:
Any relationship is a phased change; love will not always remain in love, but will change in stages with the passage of time.
When you understand this, you will not force the other person to live according to your ideas.
Take the initiative to lower your expectations, do not doubt whether the other party has changed, whether the feelings of two people have changed.
Only by giving each other confidence and giving yourself more confidence can you better manage your feelings.
In addition to love, there are many things worth doing in life.
For you, love should be the icing on the cake, not a snake.
Today's Topic:
How did you get through the emotional "run-in period"?
(Article with picture source network)