Article Summary:
1, people with low self-esteem, due to lack of security, due to self-weakness, they will be easy to limit themselves to a small space, so they will not like to go out, do not like to socialize, do not like to experience a rich life.
2, people with low self-esteem, because in the relationship of the original family, the accumulated disappointment is too much, so they are easy to be disappointed in others, easy to feel hurt, so they will avoid the relationship.
3, people with low self-esteem are also easy to project, they themselves do not like themselves, do not accept themselves, but they will feel that others do not like themselves, do not accept themselves, so when they are with others, they will be unreal, often suppressed and "disguised".
In this column, "100 Lectures on The Psychology of Living Your Own Life", we mentioned that inferiority is generally replaced by self-weakness, in order to make it easier for us to accept and face this mental health problem calmly.
Therefore, people with inferiority in their hearts will often make three mistakes, the first of which appears, that is, they will reject another part of themselves, dislike and accept some of their own characteristics, that is similar to such mistakes, there are many in a person with inferiority in the heart, and today we will discuss three of them:
1. People with low self-esteem often do not accept another part of themselves
I often tell my students and visitors that we must let ourselves live a complete life, do not easily divide their personality into good and bad, create "divisions", everyone has advantages and disadvantages, advantages and limitations, a real person, must be so.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said that he prefers to be a complete person rather than a perfect person, and that whole means health, and perfection means the suppression of another part of oneself, which is the root cause of psychological problems.
And a person with low self-esteem, he will often suppress some of his emotional feelings, as well as suppress his own needs, he will be particularly disliked and rejected for some of his own characteristics, which is easy to make himself feel tired, such as the following example in psychological counseling:
Client Xiao Min (pseudonym), who came to psychological counseling because of her low self-esteem and poor interpersonal relationships, told the counselor that she especially did not like her indecisiveness, as well as her own appearance, she was very fat, which made her very annoyed.
Therefore, she often stares at these limitations of herself, and forgets that she is serious and down-to-earth, speaks well, and her voice is pleasant, so she often attacks herself, so a lot of her energy is used to fight with herself, which is the so-called "psychological internal friction".
The so-called "psychological internal friction" is that one part of oneself fights with the other side, the energy is all their own, and the results need to be borne by themselves, so it is easy to make yourself feel tired.
2, people with low self-esteem in their hearts often do not trust others and do not believe in relationships
People must live in the relationship, without relationship, we will feel lonely and empty, people also need to trust the outside world, trust others, so that we will not be highly controlled, we will not be nervous, anxious.
And a person with low self-inferiority and self-weakness, because he did not get enough love and attention in the original family, so he accumulated a lot of disappointment in the relationship, so it is difficult for him to trust others when he grows up, so he will appear controlled and will be prone to anxiety, such as the following case in psychological counseling:
The visitor, Zhu Ming (pseudonym), is a particularly stubborn and unwilling person to trouble others, he always says that others are unreliable, and there is no so-called true feeling between people.
But when he was alone, he would be very lonely, feel that his heart was empty, so he came to seek the help of a psychological counselor, when Zhu Ming was young, his parents went to work and left him to his grandfather, and then when his grandfather died, he lived with his aunt.
Under the fence, often ignored and degraded, making him more and more closed, in appearance, he is strong and independent, in fact, his inner disappointment is too much, when he grows up, he is only willing to believe in himself, so he is more than forty years old, still alone, living alone, no lover, no friends.
3, people with low self-esteem often punish themselves
People with low self-esteem will punish themselves, this view was mentioned in our column "100 Lectures on Psychology of Living Yourself", but later I found that we still did not pay attention to this phenomenon, so I emphasized it again.
People with low self-esteem in the heart will punish themselves, this is carried out under the guidance of the subconscious, because at the conscious level, no one will do such a thing, but the subconscious mind is our "master", and every choice and feeling we have subconscious power behind it, which we often talk about in this column.
Because of a person with low self-esteem, he always feels that he is not worthy, for example, a visitor said to me that he has special self-control, often stays up late to play mobile phones, and as a result, his body becomes bad and his eyes become bad.
After discussing with us, he realized that this is because he always thinks that he is not worthy of being cherished and loved, he feels that he is not worthy, or he hates himself, he feels that it is because of his body, so he is unhappy, unhappy, so he has to punish the body, is this not inferiority?
In addition to self-punishment at the physical level, more importantly, at the relationship level, a person with low self-esteem, his interpersonal relationships are usually not good, in fact, sometimes this kind of bad is "deliberately" created.
For example, I have a visitor, she told me that she often loses love, emotional relationship is easy to have problems, but after we discussed, we found that this is her intention, many times, her lover is really in love with her, want to live a good life with her, but she, always doubt, temptation, and eventually the other party can not stand, so she was abandoned.
This is self-punishment at the relationship level, because from the beginning she feels that no one will love her, and with such prejudgments and negative expectations, she will eventually "make her dreams come true".
Well, the above is what we discussed today, "people with low self-esteem will often make these three mistakes, which will make them live a very bad life", and we will briefly summarize it below.
People with low self-esteem will often make these three mistakes, which will make them have a very bad life:
1, the first mistake is often self-exclusion, do not accept another part of himself, which makes him often fight with himself, that is, a person with low self-esteem, in his heart often occurs "psychological internal friction".
2, the second mistake is a person with low self-esteem, often distrust of the outside world, so he does not relax when he is with others, he is nervous, it is unreal, which is not good for his self-feelings and interpersonal relationships.
3, the third mistake is that a person with low self-esteem will often punish himself, subconsciously he does not like himself, or even hate, so he will let himself live unhappy, unhappy, interpersonal relationships are not good, aware of this, try to accept themselves.
It is incomparable that each person is unique, living intact and authenticity, and it is incomparable that some of their qualities are not suppressed and defended, that they are understood, that they are accepted, that they are with them.
This is just one of the sections of our column "100 Lectures on Psychology to Live Yourself", if the above content touches you and you have a little feeling, then don't miss this opportunity, read more of the previous chapters, and see you in the next section!
Author Mr. | Xiang: Psychological counselor, psychological writer, published the work "The Bondage of the Original Family".