The so-called "woman is weak, for the mother is just", when the mother has a child, she will carefully care for the weak baby, and make herself a "female King Kong" with "three heads and six arms". Coupled with the fact that the children's schoolwork pressure is greater now, mothers are more accustomed to taking care of all the trivial matters of their children's lives, and only hope that their children can read the titles of sages and gold lists.
Such a mother is very diligent and hardworking, but is it really a good thing for the child?
"Lazy" moms, raised children are more creative
Former colleague Nancy often complained about his bitter history of parenting in the circle of friends, which attracted comments from friends.
Nancy is a Kochi and a very good professional elite. But after having a child, he resolutely chose to quit his job as a full-time mother and began a long and happy parenting career.
From the moment the baby was born, Nancy took care of all the things related to the baby. From three meals a day to dressing and matching, they are arranged in an orderly manner.
It should be said that Nancy is what people call a diligent mother, and doing things for children has always been tireless and tireless. The child is also dependent on Nancy, clinging to his mother's side like a "little tail" every day.
However, as the children grow up day by day, many problems are exposed. First of all, the child's personality is introverted and irritable. Secondly, the child's self-care ability is very poor, and he cannot eat by himself when he is in kindergarten. Hands-on ability is also not good, kindergarten handicraft classes have never been completed independently.
When Nancy approached me for help, I smiled and told her, "Maybe you're being too diligent and trying to get lazy." ”
Li Meijin, a parenting expert, once said: Smart mothers will not take care of everything, but will learn to be lazy in some things. Often the more lazy the mother, the better the child grows.
It is precisely because Nancy does everything himself, he thinks that he shares the burden of the child, but he does not know that it is stifling the child's ability to learn and grow.
Studies have shown that humans will complete 90% of brain development at the age of 0-7 years old, children at this stage need to constantly explore and try to make the brain grow, if the mother does everything instead of the child, it is tantamount to depriving the child of the opportunity to grow, and even letting the child lose creativity throughout his life.
Therefore, it is a good thing to be diligent, but if mothers do not grasp the scale, they may become "blind and diligent", and it is better to be lazy.
These behaviors of the mother are "blind and diligent", have you "been recruited"?
1. Anticipate your child's needs
When the child reaches the sensitive period of language development, because they cannot correctly express their needs in language, the "blind and diligent" mother likes to prejudge based on the understanding of the child's habits, help the child solve the problem in advance, and also full of a sense of achievement. Don't you know that this just hinders the development of children's language ability?
2. Big package
Daily life covers all the children's things, and they are not accustomed to "dirty and messy", too diligent to clean up, and do not give children the opportunity to sort themselves out. In the long run, children's planning ability and self-care ability will be limited, and children will not be able to get rid of their dependence on parents, nor can they form their own logical order of thinking.
3. Like to grab answers
Like to help children grab the problems encountered in social interaction, do not give children the opportunity to express their wishes, and think that they have set a good example for children, but they directly lead to children's lack of initiative, introverted and introverted and not good at expression.
4. Have a strong desire to control
Another common characteristic of blind and diligent mothers is that they have a strong desire to control, and everything requires their children to do it according to "correct" standards and norms. For example, the child is very involved in building blocks, but the diligent mother rushes over, "No! It's not right for you to spell it this way, you should put these two colors together..."
Blind and diligent mothers always go out of their way to try to transmit what they think is the right experience to their children, afraid that the child will make mistakes, but do not know that trial and error itself is an important part of growth, not to mention that in many cases there is no right or wrong.
Refuse to be "blind and diligent", and be a mother should be "lazy"
Under the premise of ensuring the safety of children, moderate "laziness"
Under the premise of ensuring that the child's safety is not harmed, try to let the child do what he wants to do, including the games the child wants to do or the housework he wants to try to do. In the process of labor and play, children can contribute to the cultivation of children's thinking ability, creative ability and logical order through the touch of the body, the planning of time or the perception of vision. Develop good self-care skills and the ability to think independently, learn to deal with their own problems, and master the methods of solving problems, so as to better face the future of learning and life.
Give your child the freedom to express
Whether it is the child's language sensitivity period or in the child's small social life, the mother should not think that she is smart to "get strong". During the language learning period, children learn adult pronunciation and definitions of things' names. When he wants something, it cannot be accurately expressed at the first time, and the "diligent mother" will eagerly want to meet the child's wishes, and then can't wait for the child to express it clearly, and has already given the things he needs with both hands. The right approach should be to give the child the opportunity to express, guide the child to say the correct vocabulary, and then promote the development of the child's language function. Also in the child's social, do not rush to help the child communicate, but let the child express and describe his own ideas. Only in this way can the child's expression ability and language ability be well exercised.
Learn to ask rhetorically, and don't rush to tell your child the answer
When children ask questions, mothers should not always answer their children's questions from the perspective of adults, but should experience the child's imagination and the colorful world in their hearts. Communicate with your child in the form of rhetorical questions. For example: "Mom doesn't know, why are you asking this question?" So what do you think it should be? "This can effectively stimulate children's mental activity, promote children's deep thinking, and improve their intelligence level."
Write at the end:
Maternal love is great, and all moms want to give the best to their children, but education requires scientific ways and means. When the mother is a little lazy and stupid, it can make the child have a stronger creative ability and a more independent thinking ability.
In the child's future learning and social life, it is impossible for the mother to help him solve all the problems, only by appropriately letting go of his hand can the child have enough space to learn and grow.