Wen 丨 Fish Daddy
1
Have you ever found that when communicating with your child, what is originally a good sentence may change its flavor because of the bad tone?
For example, such a scenario often occurs:
"I'm here for your own good, you know don't know?" Hurry up and go! "The blunt and domineering tone will only attract disgust.
"Hurry up and get homework done!" The tone of urging dissatisfaction will make the child feel very uncomfortable.
Indeed, you want your child to finish his homework early.
But sometimes as soon as you open your mouth, your child is not happy.
The result is that the child is ignorant and too fragile.
If you change the tone of voice, the result will be different.
Why?
Because when people communicate with each other, in addition to verbal communication.
There is also eye contact and physical communication.
There is also the tone of voice when speaking, which is also a very important signal.
He releases emotions outside of your language, such as are you angry, nervous, or happy and relaxed?
The tone will express your inner attitude, those weak, seemingly small parts, but will be more real, so that the listener cares more.
Sensitive as children, their tone of voice to their parents is good or bad, and they can distinguish it at once.
Moreover, it is undeniable that the tone of parents talking to their children will have a profound impact on their children's emotional intelligence, temperament and cultivation.
2
If you always talk to your child in a dissatisfied, critical tone, it will only make your child more disobedient.
I know this.
For example, once, I asked the little fish to play the piano.
This time I sat there and happily knocked on a few times, or the little tune he had taught me before.
You know, lately, I've always told him about tasks and gone to do my own thing.
I didn't say anything about him, but asked him how to play.
Today he is in a much better state and practicing happily.
He also said to me: "Dad, in fact, I like to play the piano, but you criticize me, always say me, I don't like it." ”
To be honest, I was really a little surprised to hear that.
The child can point out my problem so clearly.
Because I do.
"Sit up a little bit!"
"Why don't you get happy every time I want you to play the piano?"
"The teacher said you need to practice more, you have to remember, don't just think about being lazy!"
"You don't have emotions, play well."
……
Always with a critical or dissatisfied tone.
Doing so, on the contrary, makes the child resentful, and there is no benefit.
I should give him more encouragement and then pay attention to my tone.
I remember when he first started learning.
We asked for almost nothing, just playing with him.
Sometimes, he plays a tune and I give him lyrics.
Then sing along to the melody.
What a wonderful moment that was.
And bad emotions and bad tones will make these beautiful things less and less.
3
Almost all parents understand that they must respect their children.
Because children are independent, thoughtful individuals, they have their own personality traits and have their own small dignity.
But when you speak, you forget.
Some adults hope that children will be placed like their precious objects, all by their own arrangements, and will not resist.
And some adults, they hope that children will be obedient like pets, they can be on call, and they can also be cute and obedient to themselves.
But children are by no means like this.
They have their own ideas and opinions and will tell you no.
When they make mistakes, say no.
Can you still speak in a calm tone?
Know that sometimes what you say will hurt your child like a knife.
If this is the case for a long time, it will affect the formation of the child's personality.
In a psychological study of children, a survey of 1,000 minors found that:
Children who are often scolded by their parents at home have the greatest chance of personality defects, with 25.7% of children having "low self-esteem and depression", 22.1% of children being "cold and cruel", and 56.5% of children often "grumpy".
The analysis of these studies has a relatively consistent conclusion, that is, the probability of excessive behavior is very high for children who have been hurt by verbal violence.
And the child will learn how you look subtly.
There is a mother and daughter in our hometown town, and almost no one around likes it.
The neighbors all said that the mother and daughter were too similar, the mother was unreasonable, often quarreled with people, and at that time, at home, she also scolded her children.
As a result, the daughter was even more powerful, making a big fuss with people when she didn't agree with people, and her temper was like crazy.
No one dared to continue arguing with her, so they all hurried away.
The fact that my daughter became like this has something to do with the environment in which she grew up.
In her mother's long scolding, she has long since become that look - irritable and irritable, acting too aggressively.
If she hadn't been treated this way as a child, the outcome would have been different.
The more you don't want your child to become what you are, after many years, the child will still become the appearance of a parent, with the shadow of a parent.
Parents who truly respect their children will pass on a peaceful attitude and an equal tone to their children.
4
If you love children, remember to talk to them in a loving tone.
The expression of love actually needs to be practiced often.
Some parents mistakenly believe that the so-called fierceness is love, afraid of spoiling children.
Especially a lot of dads, in front of their children, always have a straight face.
If the child does not do well, he will scream.
I feel that I have to be strict with my child so that I can make my child obedient.
We often hear a saying: "Hitting is kissing, scolding is love".
There are even some people who think that raising children should be beaten more, so that children can obey.
It's ridiculous.
Once, I saw a mother holding her child's hand and walking in the neighborhood
The child was walking cautiously.
"Baby, slow down, Mommy's here."
"Don't worry, baby, take your time."
"Be careful, look ahead, come, come to Mom."
Hearing such a call of love, everyone will be very happy in their hearts.
I also feel very warm in my heart.
It's like seeing us walk with the little fish.
Slowly let go, one step, two steps, to the wall to walk.
Another time, I met a mother with her son practicing roller skating.
The child's sobs were heard far away.
His mother scolded him in the back, and it was impossible to hear what he said.
But the mother smacked the child's ass hard.
The child dragged his roller skates and walked step by step.
Cry as you walk.
"Don't learn, that's what you want to practice."
"Pay attention to posture and stand well!"
The people next to them were all frightened by this powerful roar.
The child slid along with tears in his eyes.
Falling halfway down, my mother ignored it, looking angry.
In fact, mom's original intention must be good.
Have your child practice roller skating and exercise.
But if you always treat your children like this fiercely.
This original intention changed its flavor.
Or is it for the sake of the children?
Why can't you talk well?
When children are young, many parents are gentle and kind.
But when the child reaches the kindergarten, the tone of the voice rises.
In elementary school, I could hardly speak well, and I had to rely on yelling every time.
Is this really the child's problem? Or is it a problem for mom and dad?
Is there something wrong with love?
There is a sentence in "The Little Prince", "The most conquering weapon in the world is language, a sentence can make a person's mood fall to the bottom, and a sentence can also make a person regain strength."
When we're with kids, I think a lot of times we forget to talk well.
Remember to pay attention to your tone and never let it hurt your child.