Author | Fan Deng Reading · Zhang Woman
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Polaris
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Dear book lovers, good evening
Welcome to Fan Deng's reading character column - "Stars".
Reading the Stars Shine · Experience extraordinary life.
The protagonist who appears today is one of the important symbols of Chinese poetry in the 20th century.
After his death, he was regarded by countless critics and Wenqing as the benchmark poet of poetry mythology.
Even if you don't know him, you will probably know the phrase "facing the sea, spring blossoms.".
Let's walk into the wonderful life of the genius poet - Haizi together
The day before yesterday, March 24, was Haizi's birthday. If he had lived, he would have been 58 years old.
Today, March 26, is Haizi's death day. It's been 33 years since he died.
In the late spring of March 1989, after cleaning his bedroom and dressing neatly, he went to Shanhaiguan alone.
The rails snaked forward, leading into the distance, as if to take him back to his hometown.
Haizi walked along the railroad tracks to the sunset, and when she was tired of walking, she lay quietly on the railroad tracks and closed her eyes forever...
Haizi can be described as a "genius teenager": he was admitted to Peking University at the age of 15 and worked in the philosophy department of China University of Political Science and Law at the age of 19.
In less than 7 years, he created nearly 2 million words of work, but he put his life forever at the age of 25.
Born in the spring, died in the spring. While the world is lamenting, it is more surprised and incomprehensible:
Why do people who aspire to "face the sea and blossom in spring" finally choose to commit suicide?
Perhaps the answer is in his poems, or perhaps we only see his talent, but it is difficult to understand his loneliness.
The village of the swans on the wheat field in May / The village of silence and loneliness /
One in the front and one in the back / This is where Pushkin and I were born
- "Two Villages"
Haizi's village is in Chawan Village, Gaohe Town, Huaining County, Anhui Province.
He was born here on March 24, 1964, his original name was Cha Haisheng.
In the era of material scarcity, Haizi's hometown can only be described as poor and desolate.
But Haizi didn't care about this, his favorite thing was the pond in front of the old house, and in the summer, the lotus flowers bloomed.
His younger brother Cha Shuming once recalled that at that time, Haizi would beg the adult to pick a lotus flower with buds to be released, insert it in a bamboo tube filled with water, and place it on a low table in front of the bed.
In the quiet of the night, the two brothers lie on the bed, prick up their ears to listen to the crisp sound of lotus flowers opening, and enter the dreamland in the fragrance of lotus flowers.
He has a happy family, and his parents run a tofu workshop.
Haizi has a super memory, and some people say that Haizi is a genius since he was a child, but "genius" cannot avoid poverty and hunger.
Especially after the demolition of the old house, the artistic life of listening to the lotus has also come to an end.
In junior high school, Haizi studied very hard.
Younger brother Zha Shuming still remembers:
On summer nights, in order to prevent mosquito bites, Haizi wears his father's wide shirt on the upper body, and the lower body is not in the wooden barrel filled with water, still reading and writing in the dim light of the kerosene lamp.
Haizi's environment of growth and diligence have sublimated his genius.
In 1979, the "genius" Haizi was admitted to the law department of Peking University.
At the age of 15, he was less than one meter six tall, making him the youngest and smallest in his class.
In Peking University, a top institution with abundant talents, Haizi's genius aura was not noticed at all.
And the poor family situation made him more and more inferior, more and more taciturn.
He did not like to communicate with people, and he only wanted to seek solace in poetry.
He once said:
"I write day and night, not that I want to write, but there is a voice in my ear that makes me write..."
But at the time, many people just used poetry as a hobby.
A heart of love, no confidant. Happy to be more transparent than others, suffering from no other person's understanding.
This is the haizi who has just arrived at Peking University, extreme and lonely.
Sister / Tonight I don't care about humans / I just want you
- "Sister, I'm in Delhi Tonight"
Because of poverty, his feelings of inferiority have been frustrated one after another.
Haizi's unforgettable first love is a female college student in Inner Mongolia named Bo Wan.
Lively and cheerful, she has loved Haizi for a long time.
When the students enthusiastically discussed the poetry of Kitajima, Shu Ting, and Gu Cheng, she generously admitted: "I like Haizi's poetry. ”
On college campuses, they love innocently and fiercely. Haizi once wrote for her:
You Are Mine / Half-Cut Poem / No One Else Allowed to Change a Word – "Half-Cut Poem"
But in the end, because the girl's mother hated Haizi for being too poor, the relationship "died".
After that, Haizi became even more depressed.
Younger brother Zha Shuming recalled: "He was extremely vulnerable, and when he returned from his friend's wedding, he cried in the quilt..."
For a long time, his poetry was no longer full of wind and snow, but full of despair:
On the last night of October / I will never write about you again – "Tears"
Deep love does not live, not to mention that people who are most affectionate, who have been injured once, will only become more and more lonely.
In the following relationships, Xu was too fragile, and the people Haizi fell in love with were older than himself, but the results were all fruitless.
Among them, Bai Peipei undoubtedly understands him the most.
The two are colleagues at the Changping Campus of China University of Political Science and Law, which is more than 60 kilometers away from downtown Beijing.
In that strange and desolate environment, can you meet a confidant of the opposite sex, the meaning is self-evident, not to mention the rich feelings and lonely Haizi inside?
Like him, Bai Peipei also loved poetry. Under the influence of Haizi, Bai Peipei picked up his pen and began to write poetry.
She used kindness and gentleness to help Haizi escape from loneliness for a time, and also because Haizi had a conflict with her family.
She was one of the few people in the world who understood him, and she was one of the few who understood his poetry.
In June 1988, Haizi entered Tibet for the second time. It is said that the poems written were written by Bai Peipei.
In Tibet, toward the sky, towards the Gobi, toward her sister, Haizi expressed her emotions passionately and resolutely: "Sister / Tonight I don't care about human beings / I only think of you."
But the feelings are not realistic after all, and in the end, Bai Peipei still chooses to return to the family.
After a short time, Haizi is still alone.
Especially later, he saw his first love, who was married and was about to fly to the United States.
At that meeting, Haizi drank wine and said a lot of crazy things, but the other party has always been very cold, and eventually broke up unhappily.
Such love and loneliness are the fate that Haizi can never escape.
Loneliness is a fishing basket / is the spring water in the fishing basket / placed in the spring water...
Pulled to shore or a fish basket / Loneliness is indescribable
- "Loneliness in Changping"
Haiko's friend Nishikawa once said:
"Everyone who comes close to him, or who has read his psalms, can smell in him the rotation of the seasons, the direction of the wind, and the growth of wheat."
But at first, he had few friends, and no one wanted to approach him and read his poems patiently.
At a work seminar, Haizi read two of her own poems, and someone said:
"Haizi, did you mean to make us doze off?"
This may not be anything to others, but for the sensitive Haizi, it is an unacceptable irony.
It is the many exclusions of reality that give him an insight into life and death in a certain moment.
In addition to the trauma caused by emotional failure, in the creation of poetry, the sensitive Haizi has also suffered such setbacks many times.
Beginning in 1982, at the age of 18, he began writing poetry.
At the age of 20, he began publishing "Asian Copper" under the pseudonym "Haizi". In less than 7 years, he created nearly 2 million words.
Such a prolific, only for the poetry that he loves is not forgotten.
In a letter to his mother, he said: "Mom, I am going to make a fortune this year, and what I write is about to be published..."
Haizi once stubbornly believed that in this era of advocating culture, poets should have a place.
But in the eyes of outsiders, he was just an out-of-place person.
He doesn't understand others, and others don't understand Haizi, including his father.
In 1987, the 23-year-old Haizi suddenly discussed with her father to resign and wanted to go to Hainan with her classmates to run a newspaper.
Unexpectedly, he was opposed by his father and severely reprimanded him.
In the eyes of my fathers, being able to work within the system is an "iron rice bowl.". Such a decent post cannot be lost under any circumstances.
When his father objected, he did not insist any longer, but the pain in his heart could be imagined.
Later, recalling the incident, Father Cha was remorseful, and if he obeyed his son, perhaps he would not become more and more passive.
As in his final work, Spring, Ten Seas, he writes:
"In the Spring / Savage and Sad Haizi / Just This One / The Last /
The Child of this Night / Immersed in Winter / Obsessed with Death / Unable to Extricate Yourself /
Love the empty and cold countryside..."
Even at the last moment of his life, he was still lonely and incomprehensible.
On March 26, 1989, the weather in the north was still a little cold, the tavern was hanging curtains, and the magnolia trees on the street corner were bare, and the flower buds had not yet grown.
Haizi said to the tavern owner:
"I'll read my poem to everyone, can you give me a drink?"
The boss replied, "I can give you a drink, but don't you read it here." ”
The people around them laughed, and Haizi sadly left and never came back.
At the end of the movie "The Pianist of the Sea", 1900 would rather be killed than get off the ship, he said:
"I'd rather give up my life than live in a world where there's no end in sight."
Anyway, no one in the world knows about me now. ”
This kind of loneliness is like a very haizi.
Yu Xiuhua once described him this way: "You are more like a brutal child, staying in the spring of 25 years old. ”
Haizi's loneliness is actually the loneliness of life.
We are walking, we still have dreams, and that is enough.
Click "Watching" and from tomorrow onwards, be a happy person.
Author | Zhang Woman, master of communication, former emotional storytelling reporter of The City Daily, is now a middle-aged girl who writes under the name of her daughter.
Column Director | Cheng zi
Typography | Zheng to the north
Image | The pictures in this article come from the Internet, and are invaded and deleted
Music | Immerse yourself in the wind