Text/Bower
In the last spring of the 1980s, a talented young poet, Haizi, walked alone to Shanhaiguan and ended his young life of poetry on a cold train track in a season when spring was about to blossom. He left behind the fragrant verse "Facing the sea, spring is warm and blossoming", which still warms our hearts to this day. In the poem he wants to "feed the horses, chop wood, travel the world", he wants to "start tomorrow and be a happy person". He worked hard sincerely, but in the end he chose to give up and resolutely left the world he had lived and praised. Some say his departure marks the end of that age of innocence. Others say he died of loneliness, depression, or even that he had run out of talent. Regardless of the cause of the poet's death, the poems he left behind full of life's sense of distress and yearning for a better life have touched countless people, so that people have triggered too many life thoughts in the recitation of these verses, and in thinking, they miss the innocent era full of ideals. More than twenty years have passed, and the poet's departure has made people remember his name and the poems he left behind.
It has been exactly 20 years, and how many beautiful youth events of that year have turned into clouds. The poets of Haizi's contemporaries are old, crazy, ashore, rich or poor, only Haizi is never old, only poetry is always young. The image of an innocent and exquisite young poet is eternally fixed in people's hearts. Exactly 20 years have passed, and the old mother of Haizi in the countryside of Chawan Village, Huaining County, Anhui Province, often reads the poems left by her children. A kind mother, a country woman with little culture, with a deep miss for her son, often recited her son's poems in a strong rural tone. Perhaps as a mother, she still can't understand her son, who was once known as a prodigy, was admitted to Peking University at the age of fifteen, and after graduation, she was a teacher at a famous university in Beijing, and at the age of youth and spring breeze, she left people with such a confusing verse of "from tomorrow onwards, care about grain and vegetables", and she also can't figure out the actual meaning of "I have a house, facing the sea, and spring blossoms". She was confused: rice and vegetables, which were not expensive at that time, as for the house, when the time came, the public distribution, whether it was at the seaside, spring and autumn, what did it matter. big
After graduating from school, staying in Beijing, working decently, enough to make people envious, in short, everything seems to have nothing to do with death. But Haizi was gone. One day in March 1989, he quietly went to Shanhaiguan with only a one-way ticket in his pocket and no alcohol money. He found a deserted railway, lay down, breathed a sigh of relief, and waited for the train with a smile, like waiting for a good poem. He looked up at the hazy sky, and there were warm tears in the corners of his eyes. In order to relieve the pain of missing in her heart, this woman with a low level of education, in her spare time, took the recitation of her son's poems as part of her life, and in the poignant memories, the heart of the son he showed, the pain of the son, people were all moved.
When Haizi left, it was early spring in the north, and it was cold and cold, and there were thick cotton curtains hanging at the door of the tavern, the glasses lenses were covered with a hazy mist, and the lilacs and magnolias were all bare.
It was the day when the passion in people's hearts generally faded in the age of innocence, the positions held by idealism suffered heavy casualties, the materialist offensive was like a broken bamboo, and people's spiritual world was going to be desolate due to the crisis of faith. And Haizi, who has maintained the literary position through poetry, is now isolated and helpless. Haizi walked into the tavern and said to the little boss, "I will recite my poems to everyone, can you give me wine?" The boss's answer was blunt but poetic: "I can give you wine, but you don't read it here." The drinker laughed, and the poet walked away in mourning, never to return. In that confused era, Haizi chose the sparsely populated Shanhaiguan, chose the lying track, chose death, and the tragic and tragic scene was almost the same as the mood in "The Sun": "It is at dusk, the headless hero fingers the sunset, the fingers of the sunset and the sky, the eyes contain dust and blood, and the horse's head falls." "Haizi, who has a pure personality like a child, has some passivity, some shyness, and the loyalty unique to the countryside in Anhui. He did not choose to take the initiative, such as blades, muzzles, poison, ropes, he just lay on his side in a low-key manner, as if the rails were the simple single bed in the tube building where the poet lived.
Haizi graduated in the summer of 1983 and was assigned to the Philosophy Department of China University of Political Science and Law, and he has an old desk with white text and codes written in conspicuous places, a dilapidated rattan chair, and spectacle legs tied with wire, which has been used for more than a generation. There is a huge contrast between the simple living environment and the noble spiritual soul. The young teacher Haizi taught the aesthetics far from reality on the three-foot podium, metaphysical learning and the real world have an infinite distance, no one applauded, no spiritual acquaintance, he slept in front of the boys in the classroom, the girls secretly smeared lipstick, outside the old or clustered new building, the sand and dust filled the sky, whistling the sad wind of the north. In his consciousness, he kept playing back this conversation:
"Don't you need a poet?"
"We just need philosophy teachers." A voice answered firmly.
We are sure that in the mid-to-late 1980s, such questions and answers were repeated more than once in Haizi's innocent mind. Haizi, a true spiritual loner, walked in front of the world's consciousness with his own healthy pace; a profound and pure poet, who set aside any meritorious interests and wrote poetry with a pure childlike heart; and finally bid farewell to the world he loved deeply with the image of a Van Gogh who became a benevolent person after gray and died, with profound spiritual contemplation and infinite attachment to art. However, countless people are madly obsessed with his words, and their spiritual sparks ignite their own small life torches again and again. This kind of madness makes many people become a little delirious and a bit unreasonable in real life. It turned out that this was an era of extreme material pleasure, relative spiritual embarrassment, and infinite madness of desire. Living in this complex and realistic society, the distance between the ideal and reality is always very far. Whether it is the rich or the poor, there is always an invisible spiritual pain in people's hearts, which is torturing people's hearts. People yearn for the poet's happy life of "facing the sea and blossoming in spring", but such a life is a spiritual luxury for both the rich and the poor. At that time, Haizi was also struggling to find such a life, perhaps too eager, and finally the huge contrast between ideal and reality made him too desperate, and finally he issued a blessing to people "facing the sea, spring and warm flowers", and then hurriedly bid farewell to this world. Like his blessing to the world, "to be a happy person", he released his spiritual life to the extreme, recalling the high respect for life in people's hearts.
Perhaps, spring is the season of the resurrection of haizi. Inadvertently looking out the window of the office, the spring flowers are blooming, decorating the campus landscape with a dazzling bright color. In the classroom not far away, the sound of students reciting Haizi's poems was heard:
From tomorrow onwards, be a happy person
Feed the horses, chop wood, and travel the world
From tomorrow, care for grain and vegetables
I have a house facing the sea and spring blossoms
From tomorrow onwards, communicate with every loved one
Tell them about my happiness
That lightning of happiness told me
I will tell everyone
To every river, to every mountain
Take a warm name
Stranger, I bless you too
May you have a bright future
May you have a lover who will eventually become a dependent
May you have happiness in this world
I would also like to face the sea and blossom in spring
In the students' still immature recitation, I felt the exuberant and gushing vitality from Haizi's poems. Haizi's poems, like lyrical idyllic folk songs, express the beauty and sadness of life. Reading and listening to children's poetry is never associated with decadence and negativity in any case, but the poet who created such a beautiful poem has voluntarily chosen to give up his life, and whenever I think of this, I always have a faint sadness in my heart, and I feel extremely sorry for the poet's untimely death. I think my colleagues who like Haizi's poetry as much as I do will have the same feeling. When it was spring again, I thought of Haizi, and I would like to write this article as a souvenir.
(Image from the Internet)
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