Our school's online classes have been open for a while, and we have also changed our homework online for a while, and some of the homework is simply unreadable, the handwriting is sloppy, and some symbols are randomly drawn on the paper. So send a text message to the parents and let the parents supervise the children to develop good habits. A private message from a parent to me:
When I went to school, my child still had a regular schedule, and now he was completely upside down day and night, staying up late at night to write homework, and sleeping in bed the next morning to listen to lectures.
My children are getting lazier and lazier now, there are physical education classes in school, and now they don't exercise at all, how can they have a good body to learn after school starts?
My child is at home during this time, and he doesn't know how to do some housework, and when he doesn't listen to the lessons, he is paralyzed on the sofa with his mobile phone, what to do?
From the above problems, we can find that during the epidemic, children and parents are facing severe challenges. But behind the challenges are often opportunities. Extended holidays, which have caused many troubles to students and parents, are precisely the best time to break bad habits. And, psychologists say, it's not hard, it just needs a fulcrum. In Stephen Gass's Micro Habits, it says:
"You develop good habits, it shows you a new path, it gives you confidence, it gives you hope, and it's a great foundation to build a lot of things on."
One. Break the misunderstanding of bad habits
1. Use "prohibition" to force children to change bad habits. Last week, my daughter was beaten by me. Because I found out during this time that my daughter was bored, she would lie on the glass door of the kitchen and lick the glass. The kitchen was fumes and the glass door was filled with stubborn oil stains. Last week, I saw it again and I said to my daughter, "You can't do that. "Guess what, my daughter changed a door and started licking. I said lick me again and I'll hit the bat. My daughter pretended not to hear, I hit her hand, she really did not lick the door, she began to explore everything in the kitchen with her tongue, including the stove, the refrigerator door, even the small table. My daughter looked at me with a sly eye, and I knew that she was deliberately provoking me and testing my bottom line.
I know that the method of saying "no" and the method of the thug have failed. I had to do it another way to help my daughter get rid of this habit. After this incident, I also realized another problem. Since the child has an autonomous consciousness, in his long life, will experience several rebellious periods, for children in the rebellious period, using prohibited methods, not only can not help children to change bad habits, but also cause contradictions, destroy the parent-child relationship.
In addition, the use of "prohibition" may also trigger a negative reinforcement effect. The more you don't want your child to do, the more energetic your child does. So the "ban" method doesn't work all the time.
2. Put a "hat" on the child, thinking that the child's "willpower" is not strong. Many parents come to the office to complain, saying that their children have no perseverance, that is to say, the willpower is not strong, and it is easy to give up halfway to do anything, and they will retreat when they see difficulties. I often make a good study plan at home with my parents, but after two or three days of implementation, I can't stick to it for at most a week.
Psychologists once did a study and found that willpower is actually affected by a variety of factors: genetic factors, effort, difficulty of perception, negative emotions, and blood sugar levels. But fortunately, willpower is like a muscle, which can enhance people's willpower through scientific training. For children, unless they are born with particularly strong willpower, or through certain scientific training, they will become a strong willpower person, so strong that when they listen to their parents, they will change their bad habits. If the child is not a person with strong willpower and has not been trained in this area, it is really not easy to break a bad habit. Don't say children, adults are like this.
3. Think that the child is not unable to change, but does not want to change, denying the child's willingness to change. In fact, sometimes children will also feel distressed because of their bad habits, such as turning in papers without checking the exam papers every time they take, and the results should not be wrong and lose points. Or writing homework can't help but want to take the mobile phone to listen to the song, and then listen to it and listen to it, the mind is lost, the homework is too late to write, can only stay up late. Or maybe you know that milk tea is not good for your health, and you can't help but buy a cup when you go to school. In fact, most children are good, but they can't control their behavior. Because our motivation is fluctuating, sometimes powerful, sometimes weak, it doesn't last long.
Two. To break bad habits, you only need a fulcrum
Since our willingness to break our bad habits fluctuates, our willpower is limited. So how exactly can we help children break bad habits? Stephen Gass says:
"When people can't make the effects of change last, they often think it's their own fault, but it's not themselves that's problematic, it's the strategy they're using."
As long as we figure out the way and law of our brains work, and then find scientific methods to conform to the laws of the brain, we can get rid of bad habits and cultivate good habits.
One. Why is it so hard for us to break bad habits?
Why do some children procrastinate seriously, and why do some children always refuse to quit soda? If you want to find a correspondence between these bad habits in your child's brain. I have to briefly talk about the structure of the brain. Our brains process a lot of things every day, and if everything requires the brain to process information, our brains will quickly tire out and die. So our brains are smart, sharing some information in two regions, the prefrontal cortex and the basal nerves. The former is responsible for ad hoc decision-making, while the latter is responsible for repetitive work, saving energy.
When a child's behavior is repeated all the time, it is remembered by the basal nerves, which is more efficient and energy-saving than having to consciously weigh and decide how to do it each time. So that's why we get used to it. This is also the reason why bad habits are not easy to change: the current frontal cortex, that is, our consciousness, when it wants to make a completely new change, it will consume a lot of energy and energy, at this time, our basal nerves begin to work repetitively, taking over our brains.
So, understanding this layer, the problem is simple, our goal is very simple, if you want to get rid of a bad habit, the best way is to cultivate a good habit, and then expand the impact of good habits. We just have to build and strengthen a specific neural pathway in our brain, and then strengthen it.
2. Fight bad habits with micro habits
Looking at the world with a dialectical mind, you will not only find it interesting, but also find a lot of problem-solving angles. For example, if you think your child is procrastinating, this habit is not good. To put it another way, we just need to develop the opposite habit and get the child up on time. Assuming that the child is sloppy in writing homework, we will cultivate the habit of actively checking after the child writes the homework.
The opposite of darkness is that there is no light. The way to drive out the darkness is to light the lamp. This is the incision to solve the problem.
Since our brains like stability, they don't like change. The brain can be exhausted because of our mood swings, tangled decisions, and making big decisions. We only need to make a small, small change, to make a change from scratch, so that the brain can accept the change in a very comfortable way. Then keep repeating, enhance this circuit, you can, this is the micro-habit.
For example, before the big exam, children often have a few days of chicken blood, and then make a very large revision plan, such as every night after writing homework, then do two papers, review several subjects. As a result, I didn't last for two days, found it particularly difficult, and went back to the same old way. Not only that, but he also felt particularly dissatisfied with himself, denied himself, and fell into a vicious circle.
The reason why it is difficult to adhere to is because the goals set are too big and too big, and when our bodies and brains feel tired, we return to the original learning mode, and it especially affects our confidence. At this time, we just need to change a little bit, change the task to a very small and small point. If it's hard to memorize 20 words a day, set yourself a goal and memorize 2 a day.
In this way, even if you forget the task, you can complete the task before going to bed, when you close your eyes. This not only makes us feel the joy of completing the task, helps us to be confident, but also a very surprising point, so strong people, always not satisfied with just memorizing 2 words, may memorize 5 words a day. But be careful not to blindly increase the amount of our tasks, even if you exceed the task. We have to keep it for a considerable period of time, and then after careful consideration, we will increase the amount of tasks.
When the child is able to last for a certain period of time, get up 5 minutes early every day, when the child is able to last for a certain period of time, memorize 2 words a day, or drink a glass of water every day. The seeds of this miracle are already planted in the child's brain. Parents only need to watch for this seed to grow slowly every day. You will be pleasantly surprised to find that children have established more and more good and tiny habits and are connected into a net, and the bad habits that distress us have long been replaced by good habits.
Three. A few pieces of advice for parents and kids
As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If parents want to help their children get rid of bad habits, winter vacation is the best period. We only need a fulcrum, and that is the cultivation of small good habits.
The first step is to determine what your child's bad habits are. Then find the corresponding good habit.
The second step is to continuously compress this good habit and find the simplest way to implement it to help the child take this step.
The third step is to encourage your child to persevere. Tiny lights can also stain huge lights.
Parents can also do some auxiliary work when helping their children change their bad habits:
1. Parents teach by example After parents figure out this set of methods, they can cultivate micro-habits with their children and supervise each other. For example, children memorize 3 words a day, and parents do 3 push-ups every day. After sticking with it for a while, parents and children give each other some encouragement. Then the parents guide the child, since this small thing can persist, then other things can also stick to it, so that the child decides to add some other good habits that need to be cultivated. Once the child has tasted the sweetness of completing the task, he will not stop. Parents need to remind their children not to blindly increase the amount of tasks, and help their children adjust their mentality back to the original task setting when the child's task volume is not completed.
After the periodic recording, parents and children can make a debriefing to see the changes and gains during this time. Strengthen your child's confidence in change.
2. Observe and help children adjust in time When helping children develop habits, parents should encourage more and criticize less, especially: "I see that you can't change at all", which may make children give up on themselves. When children develop good habits, if they encounter some problems and cannot persist, parents should help their children find the cause of the problem, because the task setting is too high, or the task setting is too rigid, such as having to memorize words in the morning, or cultivating multiple habits at the same time, distracting attention and losing willpower.
Stephen Gas said: "The first step forward is always the most important. "Let's get moving, help our children get better, and make ourselves better."
I believe that every parent is looking forward to Jackie Chan, looking forward to the female chengfeng, at the end of the article for all parents to share a good book, don't miss it!
Take the words of the world-famous physicist Yang Zhenning:
If you want your child to learn mathematics well, the first step is to first understand the basic concepts of mathematics; secondly, the origin of its basic concepts, which requires parents to accompany their children to read more mathematical books and play some mathematical games in the process of tutoring their children's mathematical problems.
However, climbing the pinnacle of mathematics is not an easy task. Yang Zhenning, a world-famous physicist, said: "I also think mathematics is very boring, but when I saw Liu Xuanyu's math book, I was very surprised. Can you still learn math like this? ”
Yang Zhenning was the greatest physicist after Newton and Einstein. The math teacher he can recognize, Liu Xuanyu, can't be wrong.
Who is Liu Xuanyu?
Compared with mathematicians such as Hua Luogeng and Chen Jingrun, Liu Xuanyu is not well-known, because his energy is mainly in mathematics teaching and the preparation of primary and secondary school textbooks.
Liu Xuanyu wrote many mathematical books in his lifetime, the most famous of which are these three:
The first book is "Mr. Ma Talks About Mathematics", which mainly talks about how to use the graphical method to solve some of the four problems of arithmetic
The second book is "Mathematical Fun", which mainly talks about the mathematical problems encountered in daily life, we say that all things are mathematics, and learning mathematics through all things is the fastest.
The third book is The Garden of Mathematics, which is a bit more difficult, and it talks about the concepts of functions, continuums, induced functions, differentiation, integrals, and sums, as well as the basic principles of their operations. Although it is a little deep, the method of explanation is very good, and the sixth grade baby can still understand part of the content.
At the same time, take this book to the child, usually the child also tutors mathematics, sometimes feel that going to cram school is a bit boring. But when the child read this book, he found it very interesting, and he could also apply what he learned in the cram school.
I didn't feel tired after watching it for an hour! Parents: It's a rare good book!
For this set of classic mathematical science books compiled by Mr. Liu Xuanyu, parents also gave a high evaluation, parents said that "this series of books in general has a kind of follow-through temptation, from shallow to deep feeling, the language is particularly convincing"
It can be said that after reading this set of books, there is no need to worry about mathematics in elementary and junior high schools.
This set of classic mathematics series, the biggest benefit is to stimulate students' hidden enthusiasm and desire to learn, so that students love to learn mathematics, many parents said that "Mathematics Three Books" is a rare good book, can not be missed!