Hello everyone! I'm a tomato mom!
As a mother of two children, I am a person who comes over and knows the feeling of scratching my heart and lungs when my child cries.
Some children really belong to the kind of people who love to cry, the more they cry, the more you tell the child to "don't cry", but the more the child cries. Many parents told me backstage that after encountering such a situation, they were helpless and did not know how to solve it. Even some professional nannies have raised their hands to surrender, and they are helpless to meet such a crying child, why is this?
The son of Ms. Chen, the mother of Bao, especially loves to cry. The child is 5 years old and has gone to kindergarten, but as long as it is a weekend, the child and the mother are at home, and the son cannot see the mother after waking up, and the son will cry. Wherever the mother goes, the son wants to follow, and does not like to be with the nanny at all.
When the mother is on the weekend, she is not even free to go to the bathroom, and if the mother closes the door to facilitate it, the son will cry a mess. This makes the mother very embarrassed, afraid that the child will become a "crying spirit".
What worries the mother the most is that the child always loves to cry, once the cowardly character is developed, the emotional intelligence is cultivated, and when things happen, they only know how to cry, and the child will probably not show up when he grows up.
So, is there any truth to mom's concerns? Children love to cry, will they really have a poor personality, low emotional intelligence, and grow up without a show?
01
Let's look at the example of an entertainment industry star, maybe we can have a new understanding of the phenomenon of children crying.
In the entertainment industry, many people say that Teacher He loves to cry and shed tears when he is doing the show, which is really a bit too "mother".
Some people also commented that Teacher He's hot search is almost all crying. He Jiong once wept when the super female voices reunited when she heard Huang Yali's old song "Butterfly Spring". I also shed tears many times in "Dancer Storm". As a result, many people captured Teacher He's crying in an instant and made it into an emoji. In this way, Teacher He fell into the reputation of crying.
However, some people who really know Teacher He know that he is a person with high emotional intelligence, delicate and sensitive heart, and strong emotional perception. Outsiders only look at superficial phenomena, and their understanding of him crying is too one-sided, so they will give negative comments.
But in fact, Teacher He heard the song and cried because of the story and emotion behind the song. Tears are shed when doing dancer storms, but also because it is not easy to move dancers, respect and heartache for others. Therefore, it is not that Teacher He himself loves to cry, but that he is a person with strong emotional perception, and his ability to perceive emotions and think in empathy is superior.
Crying children may not be out of breath, which is a manifestation of strong emotional perception
Someone once broke the news that Teacher He was particularly fond of crying when he was a child, and every time there was a conflict with his brother, his father favored his brother more. And he himself thinks that a manly husband can't cry, but he can't help but cry. The more Dad said, "Don't cry, don't cry," the more he cried.
Fortunately, this did not affect his current status at all, and He Jiong became an excellent host when he grew up. Past childhood experiences have also made it easier for him to feel the emotions of others, so that his empathy has increased, and he has become smoother and smoother on the road of hosting.
It can be seen that when the child grows up, whether there is a job in the end is not related to whether the child loves to cry. Some children love to cry from an early age, but also exercise a certain emotional perception, empathy, so that they have a reasonable degree of control over their own and others' emotions, so that the emotional intelligence is higher, the network is wider, and more prominent.
Moreover, if you look closely, you will also find that many smart parents will never yell at their children to say "don't cry" when their children cry, but will use some tactful words instead. This also enhances the stronger emotional self-control of crying children, and promotes children to have a positive development and have a good appearance in the future.
02
Wise parents never say, "Don't cry," but rather "I'm here, do you need help?" ”
Psychologist Susan David wrote in the book "Emotional Sensitivity": Parents do not allow their children to cry, preventing not only the tears in their eyes, but also the ability to perceive the world and express emotions.
When parents capture the real reason why the child is crying, the smart parents basically do not yell at the baby "Don't cry", but will use a gentle tone to sit next to the child and say to the baby: "I know you are sad, I hope that after you cry, you can tell me what happened?" Or ask the baby directly: "I am here, need help?" ”
Parents say these words, so that children can open their hearts and say what difficulties they have encountered and what psychological needs they have encountered. After the parent-child communication is completed, parents will guide the child and solve the problem a little bit.
In this way, the child not only vents his emotions, it is not easy to produce psychological burden and pressure, but also exercises the child to clearly express his emotions. In this way for a long time, the stronger the child's ability to perceive the world, which can effectively improve the child's emotional intelligence and communication skills, and is conducive to the child's interpersonal communication. The child has more friends, and there will always be one or two "nobles", so the future prospects are naturally unlimited.
Of course, parents love to cry for their children is also a very headache, then, when encountering a child who always cries again and again, do parents have any positive ways to help him reduce the number of times he cries?
Of course, there is, and the key point is that parents should solve it according to the reason why their children love to cry
When the child often cries because of his strong emotional perception, his parents can comfort the baby with these few words: The mother knows that you see such a scene, very sad, and the mother is the same. At the same time, my mother hopes that you can know that this is the end of the scene in the TV series, and you can stop crying.
Let the child end crying in time, and then emotionally soothe the child, the child can slowly reduce the number of times he cries, and the tear point will slowly increase.
In addition, if the child is encountered with setbacks and problems, because do not know how to solve and cry, at this time parents have to let the child understand that crying can not solve the problem, must first stabilize his emotions, and then take the child to solve the problem together, let the child understand that in addition to crying, there is a better way, he will slowly not cry so much.
Interactive topic: How old is your child, and do you usually like to cry?