In the face of children's emotions, parents usually use fun and delicious food to coax, and even take scare tactics. However, this tends to exacerbate the child's emotions.
In fact, people have joys and sorrows, and it is normal for children to be emotional. Let children learn to manage their emotions, is the most fundamental solution.
Emotional management is a college question, parents need to help their children soothe their emotions, perceive their own hearts, and learn to express their feelings in an appropriate way.
Good emotional management skills, whether for children or adults, are a skill that requires "lifelong training".
Break up with something you love
The English proverb says, "FromAshes, ToAshes." ("Come empty-handed, go empty-handed.") It means that when a person is born without a hand, he also gives up when he dies.
But from a young age, we are taught how to fight for more for ourselves, and possessiveness becomes part of the typical human mentality.
How much and what is accounted for is often used as an indicator of a person's success.
In fact, nothing in the world can be eternal. A relationship, a beloved object, the people around you, there will always be a day of separation or end.
For the emotions caused by giving up or ending what they have, the average person rarely thinks about it, and has almost no opportunity to learn, so they don't know how to deal with it. Some people may even have a lifelong achievement, character, and quality of life affected by the death of a loved one or the interruption of something.
In fact, children can be educated about this kind of emotional processing at a very young age.
For example, if a child's beloved toy is broken or broken due to accidents or other reasons, and the child often cries sadly, this is the best opportunity for this kind of education.
Children's values are different from those of adults, especially children of several years old, they have no awareness of the value of time and money, so the feelings and love for their beloved things will not be affected by the value of money, a toy that costs ten yuan to buy back, may be the child's most beloved, once broken, his sadness is no less than the feeling when an adult loses something worth millions of dollars at once.
Parents often do not understand this and say to the crying children: "Don't cry for such a worthless little thing, buy another one for you tomorrow." ”
Such words do not make children feel that parents can understand their inner pain.
The child's sadness because he broke a toy worth ten yuan shows that the value of the toy is huge for the child. Parents should affirm his emotions, respect and accept the child's emotions, and can give the child a positive feeling with the following similar words: "You are so sad, it must be because you love this toy." Come, sit next to me and tell me how you feel inside you now. ”
After guiding the child to express his inner emotional feelings, the parent can explain to the child so that the child understands the following truths:
1. All the good things in the world have a day of separation.
2. When you are with those beautiful things, you should treat them well, but also enjoy the benefits it brings to yourself, and cherish the fun of being with it.
3. After things are gone, keep that memory well, and summarize and appreciate the meaning of it to help you build a happier and successful future.
For example, a child loves a piece of clothing very much, but because people have grown up, the clothes have become too thin to wear.
At this time, the child should be guided to think like this: this dress has been with you for two years, and in these two years it has not only given you warmth and protection, but also allowed you to get the appreciation and praise of many people, because it is particularly suitable and beautiful to wear on you.
This dress accompanies you in the best way to grow up, because with it, you have more happiness and satisfaction in the past two years.
However, you need to continue to grow, and it cannot grow bigger, so what it can do for you has already been done.
When you wear it on your body today, what you get is no longer the appreciation and praise of others, but ridicule and doubt.
They laugh at the clothes you're wearing that don't fit and wonder if you're willing to keep growing up.
So, the time has come to break up with it, let's make arrangements for it to help another child in need grow up and continue to be appreciated and pampered. You can thank you for what it has done for you, tell it that you put it in your heart, make it continue to help you grow up in your heart, and you are happy every time you remember it.
Tell it that we made arrangements for it to be loved by another child.
If you want to break up with a beloved pet, or if the above clothes cannot be given away because of tatters, you can arrange to put it in a box, help your child write a farewell letter, do a farewell ceremony similar to the above, find a hidden place to bury it, or arrange cremation.
Resolve conflicts with others
No two people in the world are exactly the same, so no two people will have the same view of the same thing. If someone insists that the other person accept their own opinion, conflict will arise.
Some people often clash with others, so that others do not want to get close to them.
But conflict itself is not necessarily bad, and many of the world's progress and deep understanding between people are often brought about by conflicts caused by inconsistent views.
Therefore, desperately avoiding conflict often only yields negative results, and it is not the attitude that a person with integrity should have.
On the contrary, daring to face conflicts and then mastering the skills of properly handling conflicts can make a person more successful and happy, and will further gain the respect of others.
This attitude and ability can be taught at a very young age, and the best time to do so is when there is conflict between parents.
When parents disagree with each other over some small matters, resulting in tension, the average parent often tries to act indifferent in front of their children.
In fact, children are very smart, they feel far more in their hearts than parents realize, but children see the attitude of parents and feel that things should not be exposed, so they deliberately pretend to be indifferent.
In fact, at this time, the child's heart often has a feeling of helplessness, feeling worried and worried, and it is easy to make a wrong judgment about the problem that occurs, and then establish an obstructive belief and code of conduct, so that he cannot deal with the conflict most effectively in the future.
For example, avoid facing the real side of things, desperately trying to disguise conscious inappropriate behaviors or feelings, and reacting to make the situation worse when there is a conflict or questioning.
Therefore, when there is a slight conflict between parents, there is no need to avoid the conflict in front of the child, as long as the following principles and practices are observed, the child will have a lot of benefits:
1. State the positive motivation of both parties to produce opinions.
For example: "I think it should be done because it gives the whole family a little more time to rest." ”
2. Avoid personal attacks and inappropriate words or actions in conflict.
For example: "You have no conscience!" ”
3. Respect the relationship and trust between family members.
For example: "I believe you are doing this for everyone's good." ”
4. Demonstrate sincerity in resolving things properly.
For example: "My affirmation is that there is a better way than this, and that you and I can accept it." ”
5. When the two parties reach a compromise or agreement after the conflict, use actions in front of the child to show the end of the conflict. Both parties can express satisfaction with the outcome with words or actions.
For example: say thank you for the other person's concessions, shake hands, hold hands or hugs, change the tone, smile, etc.
Take responsibility
In the process of growing up, if children do not get enough affirmation, encouragement and support, they will not be able to fully cultivate their inner self-worth.
When he grows up, when he does not have a clear understanding of his own abilities and values, he will be afraid of being perceived by others as insufficient to certain knowledge, or will not admit his mistakes.
Such people are difficult to be respected in the group; their performance in the work will not be outstanding; in their own lives, there will be a lot of worries, helplessness, and often can not face the reality.
Parents help children develop enough self-worth, in addition to encouraging children to expand their ideas and dare to take risks, praise children for doing good things, but also guide children to take responsibility. Parents should lead by example and let their children feel that taking responsibility is the right thing to do.
For example:
Parents accidentally say the wrong sentence, and when parents perceive it, they should say frankly: "I'm sorry, I just said the wrong thing." And if the parent inadvertently did something to hurt the child, when aware, the parent can sincerely and apologetically say: "Sorry, just inadvertently hurt you." ”
Sincerity and apology are the real expressions of responsibility, and words of apology are nothing more than a compliment.
If you only say apologetic words without the sincerity and apologetic expression, the child will feel that the parents are hypocritical and cannot improve the feelings in their hearts.
If he learns to behave in the same way, he will not be able to receive the respect and sincerity of others when he spends time with his peers.
When a child sees that his parents have the courage to take responsibility, then when he makes the same mistakes in words and deeds, he will imitate the same behavior of the parents.
Once the habit is formed, the child will understand that admitting mistakes is a normal and useful behavior in life, because doing so will be more respected and forgiven by others, and the child will be more courageous to break through, exert his own ability and improve himself.
Those children whose parents are emotionally peaceful have more smiles on their faces, a stronger sense of happiness, better ability to resist setbacks, polite and educated, tolerant and peaceful.
And those children whose parents are emotionally unstable, grumpy, and yelling at every turn will act more extremely than children of the same age, have a more withdrawn personality, and lack a sense of security about the world and cannot let go.
The emotions of parents, unconsciously, have long become the deepest imprint on their children.