Good evening, Qingmiao Xiaobian stayed at home at home on the weekend to brush up on a certain talent to cheer up the unconfident children on a variety show, a series of dialogues let the children slowly find self-confidence, courage, warm education is really poignant
Although most of the time, the audience watches the variety show is nothing more than to watch a hilarious, picture a happy, although it can not help parents solve all the parenting problems, at least can trigger some thinking of everyone.
A digression, you know? Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has conducted long-term research on the effects of praise on children at hundreds of elementary school students over the past 10 years at more than 20 schools.
Finally, research shows that false praise will not only not promote children's self-confidence, but will cause children to be conceited and vulnerable!
Children who are constantly denied and degraded by their parents are really not in the minority.
"Maybe we don't think our way of talking is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others."
It is not difficult to see that the little boy in the video lacks self-confidence, has been suppressed for a long time in the long-term growth process, and thinks that he is useless and unworthy of love.
Even when he was praised by others, his first reaction was to deny himself and feel that he was not so good, because his mother always thought he was not good.
When many parents educate their children, it is always easy to misunderstand suppression as the cultivation of resilience.
I am afraid that my child will be vain and proud after being praised, and I am afraid that I will protect my child's mood too much, which will make them vulnerable in the face of setbacks in the future.
Therefore, I always take a suppressive approach when the child is praised, and I don't know that this kindness is easy to do bad things.
Worry about "it will float when you are finished", worry about "give a little sunshine and it will be brilliant"... How to "exaggerate" to educate? Is this method really suitable for us?
Xiaobian saw that some netizens analyzed it like this: There is a difference between praise and encouragement
Praise refers to the display and promotion of an event or character, so that children feel successful because they are very smart;
Encouragement is aimed at the process and attitude, and is to encourage and support the child, so that the child knows that success is because he is willing to work hard.
6 ways to get a compliment on kids
1. Praise efforts
Abiochi holds up a chestnut:
You're working hard!
Suppose that when a child presents you with a beautiful work,
Please remember to affirm the hardships and efforts he put into this.
2. Praise persistence
As hard as it is, you haven't given up.
When a child accomplishes something that is challenging for him,
Please remember to affirm his patience and persistence.
3. Praise attitude
You do things very well.
When the child is full of positive energy,
Don't forget to take the opportunity to say a few nice words.
4. Praise details
You've improved a lot on XXX (specific things)!
Praise the details, the more specific the better.
5. Praise responsibility and organization
Tidy up your room/desk
Be able to organize your own turf and pack up your belongings
It is the embodiment of a sense of responsibility and an orderly way of doing things,
This is the basis for children to be able to do other things well, and praise and encouragement are necessary.
6. Praise integrity
I believe you because...!
If a man has no faith, he will not stand,
Mutual observance and agreement between children,
"I believe you, because the first few times you spoke counted..."
This way of education is really loved, and there is a sentence that can not be forgotten for a long time: "It is very difficult for a person to make him confident, but it is easy to make him inferior." ”
Praise is the lubricant of parent-child relationship, the driving force of family harmony,
It is also a tonic for children's self-growth and self-affirmation,
I hope that our parents can grow up with our children,
Make our children more confident.