Some parents ask worriedly: My child always wants others to listen to him, what should I do?
This is a very common annoyance of parents: children do not obey, adults say that they do not cooperate, and opening their mouths is "No! "Don't!" "No". He also had his own idea, saying that East Africa should go west. This not only causes a lot of trouble in daily life, but also easily leads to conflicts in interpersonal communication.
How can you make your child obedient and cooperative?
But there are also often parents who ask: My child is timid, shrinks back when he encounters anything, and does not dare to express his opinion, what should he do?
This type of problem is also common. Children don't dare to say anything if they want to, don't dare to answer questions in class, hear that it's their turn to study and read early, and are so nervous that they don't want to go to school...
How can we make children brave and confident?
Have you found that these two types of problems seem to be somewhat contradictory, but they seem to be related to each other.
Let's talk about the second type of problem - behind the performance of the child's timidity and withdrawal, it is indeed a lack of self-confidence. So, where does self-confidence come from?
Dr. Cohen, a well-known American child psychologist, has specifically discussed three key periods of confident growth in his best-selling parenting book "Game Power".
Cohen writes in the book —
The first wave of self-confidence comes from the initial confidence in the world gained by the timely response and care of parents when the baby is born: as soon as I cry, I can drink milk; as soon as I laugh, someone laughs.
The second wave of self-confidence, especially worthy of parents' attention -
The second wave of self-confidence comes from the fact that when the child is toddler, he finds that he can say "no" to others and insist on his own opinion, realizing that he is an independent living individual. If this sense of power is respected, constrained by love, rather than suppressed by authority, then the growing child can maintain his self-identity without harming anyone, including himself.
That is to say, self-confidence first comes from being aware of one's own independence and having one's own opinions and opinions. The performance of "disobedience" and "too much of an idea" that annoys parents is actually a manifestation of the budding self-confidence and should be respected and protected.
But
Listen to the child everything, don't you just mess around?
Yes, there must always be rules and requirements in life. What parents have to do, in layman's terms, is to "let go when it's time to let go, and ask when it's time to ask." ”
There is no shortage of requirements in a child's life, but it is difficult for parents to let go. What do you do when a child disagrees with an adult's views and practices and makes his own claims?
The picture book I Have a Better Idea provides the best answer to this question.
The story unfolds in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere.
Dad took the boy David and the dog shepherd out on a bike ride.
Dad sat in the front, David sat in the back seat, the shepherd sat in the drag, and they sat like that all the time.
But on this day, David had a new idea— he felt uncomfortable sitting in the back seat and had a bad view— and offered to ride his own bike.
The result -
David said it was because Dad was swinging so hard in the back that he couldn't balance himself. But it didn't matter, David had a good idea again.
Dad did everything at David's disposal.
It's a particularly interesting story, the plot is not complicated, but every time you turn a page, unexpected things happen.
While the children were laughing,
I would like to ask moms and dads to think about it:
In daily life, when children refuse to listen to your arrangements and come up with their own ideas, what do you do?
To be honest, when David's dad happily gave David the position of the bike, I "giggled" in my heart. Even though I knew it was a story, I couldn't help but mutter, this dad was bold enough, in case...
Putting the power to control the direction into the hands of children is something that will make many parents anxious. Just like me, many people immediately have many worried thoughts in their minds: Can he? Can he do it? in case of......
However, Dad didn't say anything and happily agreed. The premise, of course, was that he knew david was riding well. He trusts his children.
However, trust is by no means a "bowl of chicken soup", it not only emits aroma, but often brings a greater test, that is, if something really goes wrong, if the result is not satisfactory, what to do?
Every "better idea" of David triggers a small situation, and every time he faces a mess, David has his own analysis, as well as a "better idea.".
So what did Dad say?
Dad didn't say:
Look......
I said it a long time ago...
Oops, what's going on?
No, no, no...
Dad didn't say anything.
He followed David's advice and moved from the front seat to the back seat and then into the tow; he let David ride, even the dog shepherd; the car broke, and he got down and pushed the cart.
Dad didn't say anything, but in every picture of this stumbling journey, he was relaxed, patient, full of concern and curiosity.
This is the most rare trust: not only "listen to you", but more importantly, "I accompany you to bear all the consequences".
I shouldn't have spoiled it, but I hesitated to continue writing this paragraph.
The book's brightest place in this ending:
After several twists and turns, various adjustments, David finally found the best solution -
Riding all the way home in the twilight, they never had an accident again.
Have you noticed that this best way to ride is actually the way Dad took at the beginning of the story.
But Dad didn't say anything.
He didn't say:
He happily rode down the road.
Not only did they get an unforgettable trip, but more importantly, David got a treasure that belonged to him.
I'm awesome!
How to raise a confident child, do you have the answer?