Lin Daiyu entered the Jia Mansion and acted cautiously, saying in the book that she "paid attention to every step of the way, always cared, refused to easily say one more word, took one more step, and was afraid that she would be laughed at by others." Lin Daiyu's Jia Mansion is the grandmother's house, and the old ancestor of Jia Province, Jia Mu, is Lin Daiyu's maternal grandmother.
Grandmothers, known to southerners as grandmothers, northerners as grandmothers, are generally more intimate than grandmothers and grandchildren, because love is more than reprimand. Therefore, in the hearts of most people, grandma or grandmother is a particularly warm memory.
Although Dai Yu had never met her grandmother and had not established feelings, with the relationship between her mother and her innate blood, was it necessary for Lin Daiyu to be so careful?
Yes, Lin Daiyu's performance is too abnormal, and the reason for this abnormality is because she loves the influence of her mother Jia Min, who knows that her grandmother's family is heavy on gifts and light feelings, and her family affection is weak but pays special attention to etiquette, so she is "afraid of being shamed and laughed at her", worried about losing the face of the Lin family's "family of scholars".
In Jia Min's growing memory, there is no warm family affection, only grand pomp.
Lin Daiyu was only six years old when she entered Jia Province, and such a small child had always been by her mother's side and was most deeply influenced by her mother. The daughter who is married far away has no chance to return to her mother's house, but can only miss and talk to her daughter about the situation of her mother's family.
Judging from daiyu's psychological activities when she entered Jia Mansion, in Jia Min's heart, the memories of her mother's family have no warm family affection, only grand pomp and circumstance.
Let's first look at the original text in the book: "This Lin Daiyu often heard her mother say that her grandmother's family is different from other families. The few third-class servant women she had seen in recent days were already extraordinary, let alone now in her home. ”
"I often hear my mother say it", which means that I say it not only once or twice, but often. The topic that the mother often talks about her mother's house with the young girl should be what are the fun people and things and what unforgettable experiences there are. For example, when Jia Mu was at the crab feast, she inadvertently said that when she lost her foot and fell into the water when she was a child, "I almost didn't drown, so I was easily rescued, but I was hit by the wooden nails." Although it was thrilling at the time, it became interesting to talk about it later.
However, what Jia Min often talks to her daughter about is the pomp and circumstance of her mother's family. It was these topics about pomp and circumstance that influenced Daiyu, who would pay close attention to observation, and found that the pomp and circumstance of her grandmother's family was beyond her imagination, "These third-class servant women I have seen recently are already extraordinary."
There is reason to believe that Jia Min often mentions the pomp and circumstance of her mother's family, not to show off, because at the same time to show off is to suppress the in-laws' family, then she is no different from Wang Xifeng.
Therefore, she often mentions the pomp and circumstance of her mother's family, just because this is what she remembers most.
Of course, in these pompous scenes, in addition to luxury, there are also rules and etiquette that cannot be wrong.
It is the influence of Jia Min's long-term indoctrination on Daiyu that makes Daiyu feel afraid of her grandmother's family, afraid of doing wrong and saying wrong, so "step by step, always care, not easy to say more, more than one step."
Jia Fu, which is a "family of poetry", pays too much attention to etiquette, resulting in greater etiquette than affection and weak family affection.
Jia Fu is known as "poetry and etiquette", and pays special attention to etiquette. It is not difficult to find that although Jia Baoyu is "stubborn and abnormal", he is completely in the style of a family man in his treatment of people and things, and he is not chaotic at all.
However, everything is too late, and in the process of inheritance, Jia Fu's emphasis on etiquette has reached an excessive level, which has led to greater etiquette than affection and weak family affection.
The most typical example is the process of Jia Mu and Jia Zheng guessing each other's riddles.
Guessing the riddle of the lantern is an entertainment activity of the Lantern Festival, and the Lantern Festival is a festival of reunion, where the family sits around and laughs and laughs, which is conducive to creating a warm family atmosphere.
The Lantern Festival lantern riddle guessing activity in Jia Province occurred after the Lantern Festival, only because Yuan Chun sent a lantern riddle from the palace for his younger siblings to guess, which aroused everyone's interest, so Jia Mu led the children to entertain.
After Jia Zheng knew, "I also came to enjoy myself at night." Three generations in the same room should have been a very happy scene, but the truth is just the opposite, not only are the children restrained, but the interaction between Jia Mu and Jia Zheng's mother and son is too official, more polite than the guests.
Look at what Jia Zheng said to Jia Mu: "Today, I heard that the old lady set up a spring lantern here, so I also prepared a bride price banquet, and came to join the club." Why hurt the hearts of grandchildren and granddaughters, so that they do not give their sons half a point? "Like writing an article or saying something to a superior?
When Jia Mu guessed Jia Zheng's mystery with the help of Baoyu's transmission style, Jia Zheng's response was "Send He Cai up quickly".
This is not at all the performance of the private interaction between mother and child, more like an official serious collective activity, the form is greater than the content.
Some people may say: This is just a problem of Jia Zheng, if Jia Zheng is not there, the entertainment atmosphere of Jia Mother and the children is still very good.
It seems so, in fact, on the occasion of Jia Zheng's absence, the only people who can really put down their baggage and entertain wholeheartedly are Jia Mu and Bao Yu. Others don't like to be pulled together by Jia Mu to catch up with the hilarity.
It is not difficult for the attentive reader to find that Jia Mu is actually not good at expressing love, or that she does not have love for her children and grandchildren in her heart, because the way she expresses love is to send things.
That is to say, the interaction between Jia Mu and her children and grandchildren has no heart-to-heart communication, only the elder and the young. The children coaxed Jia Mu to be happy, and Jia Mu gave material rewards. Or maybe she herself is in a good mood and can give whatever she wants, from eating to wearing to playing.
Thus, in Jia Province, materialism replaced affection.
Jia Min is the third generation of Miss Jia Fu, and her childhood and adolescence are the heyday of Jia Fu, and materially they have reached an unprecedented grand pomp. Therefore, Madame Wang said, "Now Sister Lin's mother, when she was not out of the cabinet, was so pampered and habitual, how golden and jade noble she was, that was like the body of a Miss Qianjin."
"Miss Qianjin's system", the system is the most important, the pomp is the most important, because to conform to the identity of the Gongfu, it is for outsiders to see.
Confucius said: "Quality wins over literature and wilderness, and literature wins quality over history." Polite and then gentlemanly. "The simplicity of nature trumps the external form, and it becomes rough. In turn, the external form is better than the simplicity of the nature, it will become vain, only half-written and half-qualitative, maintain a balanced state, not only lose the simplicity of the nature, but also pay attention to the external etiquette rules, in order to become a gentleman with poetic etiquette.
Affection is nature, and it is human nature to remove the armor in front of relatives and let go of the self, just like Baoyu "rolled in Madame Wang's arms, and Madame Wang caressed him with her hands all over her face." If relatives pay too much attention to etiquette, they will make family affection more and more indifferent, and eventually there will be estrangement and go farther and farther.
Looking at the title of Jia Fu, Baoyu called Jia Mu "Old Lady", Jia Zheng "Old Master", and Madam Wang "Mrs.", and there was no sense of intimacy of Bao Chao calling Aunt Xue "Mother".
Therefore, Tanchun sighed, "I said that it is not as good as the villain's family, although it is more humble, but it is joyful, and everyone is happy." People like us, looking out there, we don't know how happy Miss Jinjin is, and we don't know that the troubles we can't say here are even worse."
Miss Qianjin looks good, has no worries about food and clothing, and lives a rich life, but she does not know that what they lack is the family interaction of small households.
It is precisely because of the lack of family interaction that the second miss Yingchun has a grandmother, a father, a stepmother, an older brother, and a sister-in-law, but there is no interaction between them. Yingchun did not get the love and care from her relatives, resulting in her living as an insensitive wooden person.
The fourth miss XiChun's "cold heart and cold mouth, fierce heart" is also caused by the lack of love from relatives.
Miss San's tanchun seems to be a little better, but in fact, it is also because she is good at self-warmth, and she does not get more love.
Not to mention Daiyu, who went to Jia Province alone, and her grandmother, who was supposed to be her closest, never cared about her joys and sorrows, but only gave people money and treatment. Therefore, Dai Yu regarded Bao Yu as a life-saving straw, and suffered from gain and loss, afraid of losing this only reliance.
It is conceivable that Jia Min's situation was not much better than Sanchun's. The more material you get, the more affection you lose. When family affection is completely replaced by material, even if the daughter returns to her mother's home, she has to tremble and tremble for fear of making a mistake, let alone a granddaughter who is separated by one layer?
Therefore, Jia Min is also a thin-lived person, although "pampered and habitual, golden and jade", but has always lived in the desert of love. She used her feelings in her mother's house to deeply influence Daiyu, making Daiyu, who entered Jia Mansion alone, behave cautiously.