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Source | Northerners (Pleasant Reading), No. 12, 2012
Author | Sun Xiaodi
No love hurts, after all, it is cold
Ye Shengtao said that the four daughters of the Zhang family in Jiuru Lane, whoever married them, would be happy for a lifetime. Zhang Zhaohe is the third miss, the most outstanding daughter of the Zhang family. Familiar with the Four Books and Five Classics, fluent in English, tongyin, Kunqu, and Hao Danqing. When she was studying in Chinese public schools, she would get a super high return rate everywhere she went, receiving several love letters every day, sometimes as high as dozens. Zhang Zhaohe did not turn in, nor did he open the seal, but only numbered the boys who wrote love letters, namely "Frog No. 1", "Frog No. 2", "Frog No. 3"... Later, half of the dozens of daily love letters came from Shen Congwen, a lecturer in literature.
At that time, Shen Congwen was nearly thirty years old and unremarkable in the famous Chinese public school. He came from a humble background, from the ancient city of Phoenix in Western Hunan Province; his education level was not high, he only attended primary school, and he would not even use punctuation; he had published several articles, and his heels were unstable in the literary world... Such a teacher Shen, who is quiet and gloomy, put aside his magnificent and elegant writings, Shen Congwen is no different from the fallen literati of that period.
However, because of the pursuit of Zhang Zhaohe, Teacher Shen was well known in the school. Everyone knew he was chasing her, everyone knew he loved her like crazy, everyone knew he could even die for her. This mu ne country man could only rely on words to show love to the girl he liked, but Zhang Zhaohe was not moved. Even her second sister teased Shen Congwen, saying that even if he was numbered, he would probably only be able to rank up to "Frog Thirteen".
Shen Congwen wrote a love letter for Zhang Zhaohe for four years, and not a single day fell. Some of the text was later included in Zhang Zhaohe's edited Book from the Wen Family. Spanning decades of time, people have seen the amorous and sensitive Shen Congwen, and when facing Zhang Zhaohe, who symbolizes the goddess of love, the beautiful words flowing from the end of the pen. But in the eyes of Zhang Zhaohe, an eighteen-year-old girl at the time, Shen Congwen's love letters were full of articles, which made her overwhelmed. Zhaohe is still young and can't find a proper way to refuse the teacher's love. She thought that silence was the best way to refuse, so she did not reply to Shen Congwen's courtship letter. But Shen Congwen took this silence as a motivation and wrote his love letters more diligently, hoping to impress her with his only talent.
In the summer of 1959, Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe took a group photo at Taoran Pavilion in Beijing.
After a long time, Shen Congwen wanted to know Zhang Zhaohe's attitude, but did not dare to face it directly, so he found her roommate Wang Hualian to inquire, and hoped that Hualian could do it. But Hualian did not give Teacher Shen face at all, and said bluntly to him: "Hundreds of excellent boys are pursuing Zhang Zhaohe, she sometimes receives dozens of courtship letters in a row, as usual, she does not reply to the letter, if she has to reply, she will not have time to study." Also, she's annoying that people keep writing to her..."
This was undoubtedly a blow to Shen Congwen, in front of Wang Hualian, talking about his love for Zhaohe, Shen Congwen, as a teacher, would cry sadly like a child. However, these acts not only did not impress Zhang Zhaohe, but even Wang Hualian, the "messenger", did not have compassion. Perhaps, in Wang Hualian's view, Shen Congwen, a countryman who cried his nose at every turn, really couldn't match the elegant and generous Zhang Zhaohe.
For four whole years, Shen Congwen's infatuation forced Zhang Zhaohe to have no way to retreat, and even the principal Hu Shi intervened. Hu Shi summoned Zhang Zhaohe to the principal's office and told her that Shen Congwen was a genius, the most promising of chinese novelists, and a good man. After Zhang Zhaohe simply and firmly said that he did not like Shen Congwen, Hu Shi was a little anxious and said loudly to Zhang Zhaohe: "You must know that Shen Congwen is stubbornly in love with you!" And Zhang Zhaohe also said loudly to the principal: "I also stubbornly don't love him!"
There is nothing wrong with his stubborn love and her stubborn lack of love, except that if he does not get her love, he will wither or even die. Hu Shi used this to persuade Zhang Zhaohe bitterly: "As long as you give a little love, you can save his soul, not to mention that he is so talented." Why don't you do good deeds?"
In the face of the world's dissatisfaction and Shen Congwen's persistence, four years later, Zhang Zhaohe wrote in his diary: "He has reached such a point and still thinks of me everywhere, although I do not think he is cute, but this piece of heart is always pitiful and respectable." Zhang Zhaohe's rock-solid heart finally shook.
But this love, in the end, cannot be given.
After they got married, after a short sweet life, two people who were built on completely different upbringing backgrounds, and more and more contradictions arose. Zhang Zhaohe did not understand why Shen Congwen was so good-looking, beating his swollen face and filling his fat face to spend money for his friends, which resulted in a poor family life. She also did not understand why he wanted to collect antique porcelain in ruins, and she would even criticize him very harshly in her letters: "Look at you, every time this word is written wrong, how many times have I told you." ”
Love cannot be forced, and love cannot be forced. Between him and her, he always loved her more, but she was not happy because of it. True love is equal, and their love, from the beginning, is thousands of miles apart. If a man marries you, but he is full of sorrow all day long, thinking that even if he kisses your feet, it is very blasphemous to you; even if you want to betray him and be gentle with other men, he also recognizes, anyway, you are his goddess, his muse, how you toss him, he still has face. This kind of love will make people angry, especially for smart and talented women, who lack the thrill of conquest and have no opponents in the game.
Because of the personality incompatibility, Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe are rarely together. Both are in Beijing, but live in two places. Shen Congwen ate and left every day, his children filled the room, and he didn't even say a few words. In 1988, Shen Congwen left her with an obsession with Zhang Zhaohe. Zhang Zhaohe thought about the past and wrote: "From Wen to get along with me, in this life, is it happiness or unhappiness? No answers. I don't understand him..."
Shen Congwen's most beautiful sentence was given to Zhang Zhaohe, and everyone read it willingly. "I have crossed bridges in many places, seen clouds many times, drunk many kinds of wine, but I have loved only one person of the right and best age." Perhaps for Shen Congwen, even if he is in love unilaterally, he will not regret it just because of that good age. It's just that the pain behind this love is cold after all.
END