What role should parents play in their children's growth? Is it a tiger mom and cat dad? Or coaching parents? Or a life partner? In the book "Self-Driven Growth", the author gives what he thinks is the ideal model: parents should be the child's resource library and growth consultant. I agree with this view, and we can see this model in many cases that have been regarded as successful examples of family parenting. Gu Yan's education of Gu Ailing is one of the best examples of this model.
Let's start with the first one, be a repository for children.
Sometimes Chinese parents struggle with the question of whether their children should be poor or rich. In fact, this is not a choice question that can be generalized, more like an investment decision. Investing reasonable money (at least without burdening and risking family life) into something more long-term growth is a cost-effective investment. Bill Gates' parents, Musk's mother, and Gu Ailing's mother have definitely made heavy bets on the education of their children, and of course, the benefits are also huge...
However, the so-called enrichment is not to give children a good material basis for life, but to provide sufficient resource support for children's growth and key opportunities. For example, Gu Ailing showed talent in skiing, Gu Mother provided enough support for her children in learning to ski, some people calculated that from the age of 8 to learn to ski, to 18 years old Olympic champion, Gu Mother invested tens of millions of yuan in Gu Ailing learning to ski, this is only tuition, does not include time investment, Gu Mother herself is an investor, time investment may be higher than the value of money investment. Therefore, the real wealth is not necessarily how much money it costs, you can invest enough time and emotions, and it may be more beneficial for the child for life.
Second, be a child's growth consultant.
Note that there is a fundamental difference between a growth advisor and not a growth coach. Coaches will lead what the child does, and will supervise the whole process, interrupting at any time, and their purpose is to ensure that the child is doing his best. The consultant will give the child more autonomy, let the child rely on his own self-motivation to do what he is interested in, and play a role in counseling or providing solutions when the child encounters difficulties that they cannot solve in the process.
The biggest difference between the two models is that the latter has autonomy and is to help children do what they want to do, rather than what parents want their children to do. Let's take Gu Ailing as an example, Gu Ailing also learned piano, ballet, and basketball when she was a child, but in the process of learning, Gu Mama played the role of a resource provider, providing children with the opportunity to learn, so that she had enough feelings, and then decided to continue learning according to her own feelings, or give up... Of course, in the end, Gu Ailing became obsessed with skiing, Gu Mama also supported her as always, provided her with resources, and did a good job as a growth consultant, Gu Mama set a schedule for Gu Ailing: "Sleep enough 10 hours a day" on the Chinese Internet, behind which is to respect the child's own uniqueness and use his own knowledge to help the child grow.
Many Chinese parents like to make a big package of their children's affairs, what time do you get up and go to bed? What to wear? Do what? How? All have to be managed. Writing homework should also be closely watched, and children are eager to monitor their children's every move throughout school... What are the consequences of this? The consequence of this is that children lose their self-driving power, because all things are done by parents, the drive comes from the outside, whether they are good at it or not, like it or not, no one really cares, obedience is what they care about most... Therefore, we can't blame children for not being able to become "Gu Ailing", because they have long lost the ability to shape "self" when they grow up.
So, what should we do? You may wish to learn from Gu Ailing's mother, learn to let go, give the child a little more autonomy, try to observe and appreciate the child like a consultant, find those things that can make them have flow, give enough resources and care in these things, let the child grow up to be what he should be under the impetus of self-drive... They don't necessarily become "Gu Ailing", but they have a better chance of being themselves!