I want to die, but I don't dare, I'm afraid that my dad is humbly calling outside the rescue room to borrow money, afraid that he has saved most of his life's money to rescue me, afraid that my grandmother will hold my cold body and cry.

I want to die, but I don't dare, I'm afraid that my dad will call one by one outside the rescue room to borrow money, afraid that he has saved most of his life's money to rescue me, afraid that my grandmother will hold my cold body and cry, but I can't wipe her tears, if one day I really die, please don't cry for me, because that's my long-planned idea. My body was getting worse and worse, like a shell without a soul, and I couldn't find the meaning of living. Not interested in anything, my heart is constantly depressed, gray, there is no light, until today, I have never met anyone who really healed me, I am always stumbling on the road to being loved, consuming myself. The more he desires to be loved, the less he will be loved. Nobody thinks I'm sick, everybody thinks I'm thinking too much...