Almost all parents want their children to be able to take the initiative to learn and consciously complete the tasks assigned by the teacher. But Lemon will still receive some parents' messages, complaining that the child's mind is not in learning, every day when he goes home, he either plays with his mobile phone or watches cartoons, sometimes he does not even write homework, and the teacher often responds to the parents that the child is distracted in class and cannot concentrate. Parents are anxious about this, believing that this is all a problem with their children's motivation to learn, but this is not the case.
So why do children avoid learning?
This is because they have lost confidence in their ability to learn, thinking that they can't learn and can't do it, and forming a behavioral tendency of "avoiding failure", that is, "since I can't do it, then why should I do it, it is better to give up as soon as possible."
Learning is never an easy task, so if you want your child to take the initiative to do "not easy" things, then you also have to do some "not easy" things.
1 Stop complaining
"Now I don't understand the knowledge taught in the school, and I can't help anything, so I spend money to send him to a cram school, and the result is that there is a difference between making up and not making up, how can this child be so unconscious, it is really anxious and angry."
I believe that most children have heard such complaints, which may be a temporary sigh of parents, or a casual complaint. But as a parent, have you ever thought about the blows and harms that these words may bring from the perspective of your child?
"I don't know what I know in school," and the hint to the child is "I won't, and I won't learn how to help you." "As a parent, you can neither provide children with an example of loving learning and learning, nor can you provide spiritual support to children, but just throw anxiety at the child;
"The child is unconscious, anxious and angry", this sentence is a clear negation for the child, he will blame himself and be irritable when he listens, how can he still maintain inner peace? Many parents may also find that whenever you complain, the child is breathlessly turning over the homework, but he can't learn it at all.
This is because the child's energy is used to fight against negative emotions, and these strengths can be used to learn, and you complain about bringing negative energy to the child.
2 Start companionship
Many parents may say, "Every day when the child is writing homework, I will guard him, accompany her, and after writing, I will help him check and urge him to correct, how can the academic performance still be average?" ”。
Here I want parents to think about the question "Are you accompanying or supervising?" ”
You observe your child's every move, guide your child's behavior, and from time to time point out problems and criticize them. Is this a parent? It's clear that the police are watching over the criminals. The child trembles in front of you, afraid that he will not do well by you.
The real purpose of companionship is to cultivate a good parent-child relationship and enjoy a pleasant time with your child.
Through companionship, truly understand the child, but also let the child understand you.
3 Clear expectations
A lot of times we are anxious not because the child is really bad, but because we don't know what kind of child we really want.
Every child has an "old enemy", that is, the children of other people's families in the mouth of their parents, and this is indeed the case.
When your own children get the transcripts, have you ever said that how people can get a full score, how do you take such a point?
When you see a child procrastinating, you will say, how to do it, you see that so-and-so does not need to be supervised by others;
Or when you see that your child does not have a skill, he will say, why can you play the piano and draw, you will only eat, drink and sleep
……
Most parents have said similar things we take our children, compared with the advantages of countless children, compared to the end, the child's self-confidence is hit into the dust, will only break the jar and break.
Your child is your child, who, like you, has his own weaknesses but also his own strengths.
Talk to your child about your expectations, it is best to look forward to what kind of personality and ability he has, because good grades are often an extension of good character and ability, and the child has a stable personality and is good at things, and will naturally be positive, confident and dare to challenge.
Raising children as adults requires family members to influence and drive each other, so they have more understanding and respect for each other, and less misunderstandings and contradictions, so as to really raise children with healthy hearts. If parents want to change their children, they should also make changes.