Children's growth, each stage has its specific needs and laws, parents only respect the child's growth needs, grasp each key period, in order to give their children a good future.
Author | Grape Mama
Source| Mom Hug Group Original (ID: mmbaotuan)
Zhou Jianhua, principal of the Aerospace City School of the Affiliated Middle School of the National People's Congress, said the following:
"Elementary schools focus on companionship, junior high schools focus on respect, high schools focus on letting go, college and beyond focus on appreciation, and parents should invest less energy in the future."
This means that when the child is young, we should spend more time with the child, and when the child grows up, we will learn to let go.
However, when educating children, we are always prone to putting the cart before the horse:
When the child is young, he does not think hard, and when the child grows up, he begins to put a lot of energy on the child.
The result of such education is not only a contradiction in the parent-child relationship, but also affects the child's life.
Elementary schools focus on companionship
Child development psychology has mentioned that primary school is an important period for children's individual development.
This stage is the foundation for all aspects of the child, and the education and learning in this period play a very important role in the future development of the child.
Because children at this stage are the most malleable.
Many children's problems in junior high school and later in life are often due to educational problems during this period.
In the variety show "The Boy Who Opened His Heart", there was a girl's story that impressed me particularly.
Her name is Xinyan, and when Kankan turned one year old, her parents handed her over to her aunt because they went out to do business.
At that time, her parents felt that making money was the first priority.
When Xinyan is older and can go to a custodial kindergarten, her mother will send her to kindergarten.
At that time, Xiao Xinyan did not want to leave her mother, did not want to be separated from her mother, so she cried and did not want to go.
So her mother coaxed her to teach her how to play with the toy.
Xiao Xinyan didn't know that her mother had lied to her, so she rushed to play with toys and prepared to teach her mother.
Unexpectedly, as soon as I turned around, my mother's figure had disappeared.
It wasn't until Shin-yeon was 9 years old that her parents took her to her side.
In order to compensate For Xinyan, parents can spend money to buy a car, just to go to the school gate to cook a meal for their daughter, and they can buy her high-priced tickets for the comic exhibition.
But at the same time, she constantly asked Xinyan to study seriously and take these "compensations" as a reward.
This made Xinyan more and more insecure and more and more inferior.
The cowardice of her personality made her whole person shrouded in a layer of haze.
Later, the discipline of her parents, she was unwilling to accept, and the compensation of her parents could not make up for the lack of security in her heart.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said:
"The early companionship and love of parents determine the background of children's lives."
A child, if in the most important period of personality development in life, without the company of parents, without the correct education and guidance, is prone to crookedness.
One wrong step, one wrong step.
Children's desire for parental companionship and education is incomparable to anyone else.
Junior high school focuses on respect
Children in junior high school are in the transition stage from childhood to adolescence, and it is also the time to enter the adolescence that gives parents headaches.
At this time, the psychology will gradually change from dependence on parents to the pursuit of independence.
They no longer listen to their parents in everything they do in elementary school, but want their parents to treat him as an "adult", talk to them as equals, and respect their ideas.
Professor Li Meijin said:
"The most important thing for adolescent children is to respect."
In the program "Boast is Right", Deng Yaping talked about the problems she encountered when educating her children.
His son, Lin Hanming, like many children, especially likes to play games.
He also told Deng Yaping that he wanted to become a professional esports player.
After Deng Yaping listened to the child's thoughts, she did not object.
She said to her son:
"If you're really interested in this, you can go down the esports path." If e-sports can win the world championship, it is also the world champion. ”
To this end, she also carefully found the top e-sports clubs in China, took her children to visit, and personally experienced the daily life of e-sports players.
After my son learned that e-sports players had to train for 12 hours a day, he automatically gave up the idea of being an e-sports player.
Deng Yaping said:
"When the child can't clearly recognize himself, can't fully control himself, and doesn't know what things are more helpful to him, I think at this time, adults must help him make some choices." 」
Children in junior high school are often rampaged.
They have many wild, unrealistic ideas, and higher self-esteem than at any stage of their lives.
This will make children have many blind, desperate thoughts.
Parents are the ones who educate their children and point them out the way to the world.
As parents, what we have to do is not to subdue the child with brute force, but to give the child reasonable advice and guide the child to make the right choice.
Respect for children, in order to better educate children.
High school is all about letting go
Psychologist Hollingworth mentioned a word in "Youth Psychology" called "psychological weaning period".
It refers to the age stage from adolescence to early adolescence, which is the transition period of the child from naivety to maturity.
And high school children are in this critical period.
With the rapid development of the body, the obvious increase in self-awareness, and the development of independent thinking and ability to handle affairs, high school children gradually try to get rid of adult supervision.
This is one of their own, thinking about their own judgment and problem solving, becoming independent people.
So the most important educational keyword in high school is: let go.
But it was in high school that parents spent almost all their energy staring at their children.
The neighbor's son, who just went to high school last year.
When I first started high school, my son's grades were not bad.
In order to keep an eye on her child's studies, the mother quit her job and took care of his diet and living at home every day.
As long as he released the slightest thought of relaxing, his mother would constantly urge him in his ear and tell him to study hard.
In order to let the son not be distracted by the study, the mother helps the child to do this and that every day, everything is ready for the child, and almost does not help the son to bathe and sleep and take the exam.
Parents always say:
"You are responsible for studying well, and you don't have to take care of other things." Wait until you get into XX University. ”
His parents always thought he was good, leaving him powerless to resist.
When it came to the liberal arts and sciences division, he tended to study liberal arts and wanted to read Chinese language and literature later.
But Mom and Dad have always said that science students will eat well and earn more money.
"We have been working in society for so many years, and it is always right to listen to my parents!"
Gradually, the son became more and more rebellious, not only did not study, but also secretly went to the Internet café to play games all night.
The psychologist and philosopher Fromm said:
"The antithesis of education is manipulation.
It is out of a lack of confidence in the growth of the child's potential, believing that only adults can guide the child what to do and what not to do, and the child will achieve normal development.
However, such manipulation is wrong. ”
In high school, children are slowly entering the rapid growth period of socialization, and parents look at the direction and boldly let go without big out of line.
Children are growing up, we must learn to avoid making some transgressive behavior, to distinguish which things belong to the child, do not arbitrarily interfere in the child's affairs.
In addition, we must also encourage children to be independent, give children the right and space to choose, and guide children to take responsibility for their own choices.
In this way, children will learn how to choose and how to be responsible for their own lives in practice and bearing consequences again and again.
After college, emphasis is placed on appreciation
For children, college is a new stage of life.
At this time, the child has embarked on his own life path.
Fledgling children are most likely to be confused when they formally adapt to social identity.
Therefore, for children at this stage, parents should look at their children with an appreciative eye and help them solve problems that he cannot yet deal with.
At that time, he was about to graduate from college, and the thought of entering the society was very uneasy, afraid that he would not be able to adapt to the life of society.
Because his academic performance is not too good, and his ability is not the most outstanding.
Seeing that his friends around him had all received offers for their jobs, the resume he threw out did not move.
The anxiety in his heart grew worse.
His father, who had always been taciturn, seemed to see his nervousness and anxiety.
After the meal, my father called on him to go for a walk with him.
During the walk, my father analyzed his strengths and weaknesses with him one by one, as well as the reference for the direction of future employment.
The father said:
"You're still quite capable, and now it's just a chance."
When the opportunity comes, you can also break out of your own world. ”
Later, he successfully joined the company, because he was practical and capable, and was quickly promoted.
After he told his father the good news, he smiled and patted him on the shoulder and said:
"I know you can do it!"
I remember someone asking, what role did your parents play when you were in college?
There was an anonymous answer that said:
"When I was in college, my parents were my spiritual motivation to go higher."
Entering society from college is the biggest difficulty for children in the early stages of adulthood.
Parents, must be their best life mentor.
Educator Sun Yunxiao once wrote a passage:
"The whole mission of children's education can be summed up in 12 words: to discover children, to liberate children, and to develop children."
A qualified parent should be able to give his child meticulous love and security when he is in elementary school.
When your child is in junior high school, give your child respect and guidance.
When your child is in high school, let go in time and let the child go on his own.
After the child goes to college, become the pillar behind him.
In the process of educating children, we can only grasp each critical period, so that educating children can achieve the effect of doubling the results with half the effort.
* This article is the original mother hugging group, the mother's hard work and happiness, we all understand; the growth and exchange platform of mothers, welcome to pay attention.
*The pictures in this article are partly from the figureworm idea.