Verbal violence can turn into a weapon.
What really destroys a family is not an affair, not poverty, but verbal violence!
Verbal violence is invisible domestic violence.
Verbal violence, like sulfuric acid, corrodes intimate feelings; verbal violence, like a knife, assassinates people who love you.
Physical scars can fade over time, while verbal injuries last a lifetime.
01
How terrible is verbal violence?
"Xunzi Rong and Disgrace" once said: "Speak kindly with others, and warm up to the cloth; Hurt people with words, deeper than spears. ”
Speaking friendly words to people is warmer than cloth, and saying harsh words hurts people more than spears.
IKEA UAE has demonstrated the power of language with a magical experiment.
They chose two identical potted plants, the same fertilization, the same acceptance of sunlight, the only difference being that the two had to accept different languages.
One is to accept beautiful and beautiful language, and the other is to accept humiliating, abusive words.
Bonsai for receiving praise:
"I like the way you look like yourself"
"I was so happy to see you"
"You are really beautiful"
Bonsai accepting criticism:
"You are waste, you are worthless"
"You're not green at all"
"Seriously, is your cargo still alive?"
The results of the experiment shocked everyone and made everyone think deeply.....
The abused potted leaves turn yellow and begin to wilt. And the potted plants that receive praise and praise are green and vigorous.
Plants cannot withstand verbal violence, let alone humans.
Good language can shape a person to be a good self, and conversely, language violence can destroy a person's life.
If language loses its temperature, then it is a knife that kills people without blood.
Verbal violence is terrible precisely because it attacks the human heart and leaves a lingering shadow in the heart, which is far more unacceptable than physical pain.
Sometimes, it takes just one word to crush a person.
If it is spoken from a loved one, the harm is doubled!
02
How many marriages have died of verbal violence?
"Madness and Civilization" once said: Under the constraints of various social regulations, most people have given up physical violence, so as to choose a more civilized violence - verbal violence, and continue to achieve harm to others.
In marriage, domestic violence makes people resentful, and as everyone knows, verbal violence is also a kind of domestic violence.
When in love, they speak softly to each other and take care of each other's feelings; after marriage, they speak harshly to each other, use verbal violence against each other, and push each other farther and farther away.
When the neighbor's eldest brother reaches middle age, it is difficult to do everything, but he also suffers verbal violence from his wife.
He was an enviable civil servant before, and he felt that it was difficult to display his talents in the system, so he decided to go to the sea to start a business.
With a flexible mind and a very diligent mind, he has made a lot of money in the entrepreneurial wave.
At that time, the neighbor brother felt that he was the happiest person in the world, with a wonderful career, a beautiful wife, and lovely children.
But everything changed after an investment failure.
The gentle and lovely wife became vicious, and even the children looked down on themselves.
When the wife saw him nestled in the sofa, she kept taunting: Why don't you die, day by day you know that you are nesting at home, waiting for me to raise you!
Doing anything at home has become a reason for the wife to vent: let a good civil servant not do it, you have to start a business, you look at you now, it is simply a shit! The man who didn't show up!
Accompany the child to help with homework, and say to the daughter: Don't learn from your father, so what can the failed person teach you, you have to fight for your mother!
Despite his repeated escapes, his wife's vicious face and the figure of the evil words still lingered.
Over time, the neighbor's big brother could no longer stand verbal violence, chose to divorce, and the whole person was much haggard.
A good marriage is thus killed in verbal violence...
Lovers are both armor and weaknesses.
Two intimate people know each other's pain best, and once verbal violence is used, equivalent to the power of an atomic bomb, the effect is fatal!
Verbal violence makes lovers lose self-confidence; verbal violence leads to marriage destruction.
How many couples who are not good at talking, how many marriages die of verbal violence.
03
Verbal violence is a child's lifelong pain
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Verbal violence may become a weapon. ”
Don't underestimate this invisible weapon, it will gradually kill your children!
Many parents are accustomed to suppressing their children, abusing or mocking.
But I don't know, the verbal violence attack index is simply explosive.
"Pig brain" "Waste" "Just know how to eat" "Shame" "How do you not die"
These are the usual terms used by many parents to scold their children.
These words will have a lifelong shadow on the child, and it is easy to form two extreme personalities, one is a cowardly inferior personality, and the other is an aggressive personality.
Cowardice and inferiority are manifested in talking only promises, not daring to speak loudly, not having self-confidence, and doing things for fear of not doing well.
The aggressive personality, on the other hand, is very irritable and full of hatred, and this emotion will be transformed into a strong aggression, killing oneself or others, and even sometimes having an antisocial psychology.
What is called a "pig brain" to a child will slowly turn into a highly lethal pistol.
The "waste" said to the child will slowly turn into a thrilling spear.
What is called "shame" to the child slowly turns into a sharp axe.
Saying "how not to die" to a child becomes a sharp knife.
Every verbal violence you say to your child becomes a weapon.
Never underestimate the impact of what you say on your child's life.
When children are in the cynicism of their parents for a long time, they will invisibly produce extremely negative psychological effects, and this negative energy is extremely powerful, and even changes the perception of the world.
You don't care, and the verbal violence you inadvertently speak will become the shackles of kidnapping children for a lifetime.
In life, the easiest mistake to make is to whisper softly to strangers, but to leave the worst temper to the people closest to them, and even sometimes ruin their lives without knowing it.
Many people use family affection as an excuse, use language as a sharp blade, and use their tongue as a weapon to "kill" invisibly.
Verbal violence that stains your hands with blood.
04
How to avoid verbal violence?
One: Accept the imperfections of your loved ones
No one is perfect, and many times we are very tolerant of strangers, but we are very harsh on our loved ones.
There are no two identical leaves in the world, and there are no lovers and children like you imagine.
Accepting the imperfections of one's loved ones is like accepting one's imperfect self.
Two: Find the shining point of your loved ones and encourage them
Everyone will have their own shining point, and it is precisely because of this shining point that they have formed their own unique temperament.
However, we often ignore the shining point of our loved ones and grasp their shortcomings.
In life, often praise and encourage them, you will find that life is getting better and better.
Three: Don't use radical language
The so-called "deep love, hate cut", we often speak harshly to our relatives, because we feel good to them and motivate them.
As everyone knows, doing so will backfire. No matter who it is, it can't withstand high-intensity pressure, which will make a person slowly abolished.
Fourth: create a good family environment
Do you know? Verbal violence can affect and even inherit.
Many people were subjected to verbal violence by their parents when they were young, and this influence was engraved in their bones.
Therefore, in the face of their children or lovers, they will inadvertently use verbal violence.
At this time, think about yourself when you were a child, how helpless and sad you were at that time.
So don't let verbal violence continue to radiate and affect generations.
Avoid verbal violence and start with the above four aspects.
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Any intimate emotion cannot withstand the violence of language. Verbal violence destroys all that is good.
Life is a practice, and the family is where our souls lie, and we need to manage it with our hearts.
Home is not a place of reason, home should be a place of love; home should be a warm harbor, not a cold purgatory.
The roar of the storm will only make the relatives close the door of the heart; the gentleness of the spring wind and rain will moisten the things into silence.
Warm words, every move is a home of love, is the best gift we can give to our loved ones!
As "Cai Gen Tan" said: such as the spring wind thawing, such as harmony to dispel ice, is the family model.
Love, to say warm words; love, to begin with the rejection of verbal violence! Please forward and share, carry forward the traditional Chinese culture! 【WeChat public account: Sinology Culture Lecture Hall】
Lecture Hall on Culture of Traditional Chinese Studies