Psychologists divide human personality into introverts and extroverts, and in modern society, it seems that extroverts are more popular. Even introverts envy the fact that they can talk and laugh on any occasion and become the focus of every occasion.
In this social atmosphere, many mothers will worry about the introverted child in the family, afraid that he will not adapt to this society.
It is planned to take advantage of the fact that the child is still young and the personality is not fixed, so that the child can change his personality and become extroverted and lively, so as to better adapt to society.
The process of changing children, whether it is painful for adults or children, the efforts of parents have mostly verified an old saying, "a twisted melon is not sweet", and children have not become extroverted and lively as parents wish.
In fact, people are naturally introverted or extroverted.
Genetic studies have shown that personality and temperament, including whether the child is extroverted or introverted, competitive or shy, walking, talking and running style, and even physical and psychological strengths and obstacles, are largely determined by innate.
Forcibly changing a child's personality is against science, and it is difficult to achieve good results.
Modern society is indeed more friendly to extroverts, extroverts are better at showing themselves, and it is easier to seize opportunities, but this does not mean that introverts have no way to live comfortably in an extroverted world.
When introverts know themselves better, it is easier to get a relaxed life.
Dr. Servia Lorken, a German personality counsellor, linguist and authority trainer, is a quiet introvert.
Over the years, she has accompanied the introverts around her step by step towards success. Dr. Lorken believes that introverts tend to underestimate their own strengths and are good at discovering their shortcomings, which leads to a lack of happiness and seemingly difficult to adapt to this society.
In order to let more introverts know themselves, explore their own strengths, overcome difficulties, and adapt to society, Dr. Lorcan wrote the book "Introverts and High Sensitivity".
Dr. Løkken points out that introverts have 10 advantages: prudence, focus, self-exploration, good listening, quiet, independent, analytical, good at writing, perseverance, and empathy;
At the same time, introverts also have ten major disadvantages: fear, too much attention to detail, easy to stimulate, passive, avoidant, excessively rational, self-denial, stubborn, withdrawn, and afraid of conflict.
The top ten strengths and weaknesses of introverts are actually two aspects of the coin: caution can lead to fear; focus can lead to too much attention to detail.
If there are introverted children at home, what parents should do is not to find a way to make the child's personality become extroverted, but to help the child find his own advantages, avoid his own disadvantages, and let the child know more about himself and accept himself.
01
Introverted children are cautious and prone to fear
Caution is a distinctive feature of introverted children.
Faced with projects they haven't experienced, they are more inclined to observe, to be a bystander; to see people they don't know will keep a safe distance, unlike extroverted children who can quickly familiarize themselves with the environment.
The words they say are thought-out, easier to gain the trust of others, and they are better at risk averse. Caution is the magic weapon for introverted children to protect themselves, but being too cautious can easily make children fall into fear.
As a parent, you must carefully observe the child's performance, whether it is caution or fear.
In Introverts, Dr. Lorcan gives ways to overcome fear that parents can use to help their children overcome their fears and make them brave on a cautious basis.
Parent Tip: Teach your child to overcome fear
Deep breathing: When your child encounters fear, you can let your child take several deep breaths to overcome the heartbeat and acceleration of breathing that comes with fear, at least on the surface it seems less fearful.
Looking directly at fear: This is a more cruel moment, parents should guide their children to face their own fears, fearful people, fearful things, to make children aware of what they are afraid of, in order to overcome fear.
Let children understand what they are afraid of: Many times, fear stems from the unknown, so the next job of parents is to act as a solution for their children.
For example, if the child is afraid of hearing the sound of the flush toilet, then open the toilet lid, let the child see the structure of the toilet box, and let the child know that the terrible sound is not a ghost monster, but the machine and the water together.
Guide children to try step by step: Sometimes children are afraid of a big project, such as aerial exploration, you can let children try step by step, first go to the first stage, next time go to the second paragraph, let the child try a little bit, use small progress to help children overcome fear, build self-confidence.
02
Introverted children are more focused and more susceptible to detail
Modern lifestyles make it harder and harder to focus, and introverted children are more and more likely to focus.
They love to think, they can control impulses very well, and the "reward centers" in their minds are not as active as extroverted children, so they can isolate interference and concentrate more on their work, which can make introverted children work more efficiently.
But also because of concentration, the cerebral cortex of introverted children is too active, which will make them easy to get entangled in details, resulting in slow progress, and even losing watermelon for sesame seeds.
Therefore, parents should be able to guide their children, properly remind their children when they are overly concerned about details, guide children to think big, and can control the details, rather than being controlled by the details.
Parent Tip: Teach your child to think big
For example, when you have to go out on a weekend, the child packs his own small school bag, and he packs up one by one, very attentive.
In the process of cleaning up, he found that lego villain's hand had fallen off. He began to rummaging through boxes and cabinets looking for lego villains' hands. Although the process of seriously finding toys for children is very moving, this will undoubtedly affect the plan to go out.
So at this time parents can remind their children that our goal today is to go out and play, you just need to pack up the necessary things to go out and play. You can wait to come back and find lego villains, you have to hurry up now, otherwise you can't catch the 2-way car.
03
Introverted children are more empathetic and afraid of conflict
Introverted children, because of their high demand for security, will take everything seriously, pay attention to important details and their impact, and perceive the needs of others. So introverted children are more empathetic and can listen and observe very well.
Being aware of the needs of others will also have a negative impact on the child, that is, fear of conflict and do not want to reject others.
Children may not say what they really think in order to make others happy.
Almost every child will be asked questions, the most like the father or mother, grandma is good or grandma is good, the child's performance is also various, parents take the child's performance as high emotional intelligence, in fact, the child avoids the performance of the conflict.
Parent Tip: Teach your child to say no
To allow children to express their ideas bravely, we must teach children to reject others and learn to say "no".
In fact, sometimes adults are less capable of rejecting others than children. Dr. Lorcan has given several strategies for rejecting others that we can refer to together and choose the most suitable way to say "no" in the best way.
Time strategy: Don't rush to agree, don't refuse immediately, you can say "give me some time to consider", "I don't know yet, think about getting back to you again".
Gentle strategy: Friendly rejection, "I would like to..." "Sounds good, but I also think..."
Social strategy: Find something else to make excuses, "I have something to do on Saturday, I've already decided, but thank you for the invitation." ”
One-size-fits-all strategy: Sudden requests that catch you off guard. "No, not now".
No matter what methods are taken to strengthen the child's strengths and help the child overcome difficulties, the ultimate goal is to enhance the child's sense of self-worth.
Because the child's embodiment of self-worth is from external information and the evaluation of others; the other is from his own evaluation of himself.
If the external information and internal information are inconsistent, there will be contradictions, so that the child falls into self-denial and affects the child's value judgment. Therefore, the support and recognition of parents for children and the guidance of children's identification with themselves are particularly important for children.
Dr. Lorken wrote in Introverts and Highly Sensitive, "There is no measure of happiness in the world. Are introverts who sit comfortably by the fireplace with a cup of hot tea and a book in their arms more unfortunate or happier than those extroverts who laugh in a roller coaster with their brothers? ”
Whether as introverts or as parents of introverted children, we all have to accept our introverted selves and accept introverted children.
As Dr. Lorcan said, we need to strengthen our strengths, not try to become a person who is not ourselves at all, and not to run away from our problems. Make good use of your advantages, make life better and more perfect, find where the strength lies, and you can live a comfortable life.
Like + watch, may every introverted child be treated kindly!