Text | Kitagi South · Sound | Zhi Han
See a message from a listener:
"After 7 days in the hotel, no one talked, the mobile phone was tired of playing, and suddenly I understood that I was born lonely, and slowly got used to being alone."
So are you afraid of being alone?
Writer Liu Tong once said: "Once I thought that loneliness is the only one left in the world. Now I think that loneliness is that you can actually become a world. ”
A person's true strength begins with being alone.
The lonely are self-pitying
Solitary self-suffy
Have you ever had this experience:
As soon as you encounter something, you send crazy circles of friends.
Once no one gives you a thumbs up, you'll be disheartened.
You will only be relieved to see that someone has responded to you.
You will try to go along with others and follow in their footsteps.
When you see someone post a circle of friends, you will naturally like it and prove your existence.
When you see people huddled around talking, you'll find a way to squeeze in and say "yeah."
You add a lot of group chats and end up frantically running away from them.
You have thousands of friends on WeChat, but only a few people are related to your life.
As the saying goes, "People are like this, first draw a small circle for themselves, call it life planning, and then jump in and do it in the circle." ”
Sometimes, a bunch of people talk about things, in fact, you are not interested, but still can't help but cater to a few words, thinking that others will notice you, but in the end, you are playing a one-man show, you find out:
The way you try to fit in is the loneliest. It's not that you snubbed someone else, it's that someone else snubbed you.
Chen Daoming said a sentence that impressed me.
He said that he was afraid of socializing, and he was very tormented when he went to the wine table, especially when a person was drunk, he had to say a word several times, and a business card had to be handed several times.
He doesn't like to socialize, he's used to being alone.
There is no TV in his hometown, and the most room is books, and he would rather be alone and read than go out for a drink.
Because, he knows very well that what happens to him every day is meaningless to others, and he understands that his own pleasure has nothing to do with others.
Zhang Ailing also said a sentence: "What social activities I participated in, came back to think carefully, every sentence I said, every action I made, I felt stupid to death, and I almost hated it." ”
You see, good people don't fit in, not because they don't have friends, but because:
The noisy crowd makes him feel unhappy, but will be anxious and reduce happiness.
There is a saying that goes: "A person's loneliness is not loneliness, a person looking for another person, a sentence looking for another sentence, is the real loneliness." ”
Beasts of prey always walk alone, cattle and sheep are in groups, and your loneliness is glorious.
Truly excellent soul
It adds value in solitude
A writer I know has a quirk.
On the 5th of every month, he would get on a random bus and take it to the end.
Then change to another bus, sit back to the end, and cycle through the day.
He said: "I like to be with myself in this kind of 'wandering', I don't think it's lonely, I really enjoy such moments, because only when I talk to myself, I will reflect on myself." ”
Share a little story.
Jiang Xun chatted with friends.
Someone said, "I like to go to Michelin restaurants for dinner." ”
Someone said, "I like to bring the chef to my house." ”
Someone asked Jiang Xun, "Which restaurant do you like to eat?" ”
Jiang Xun said: "I like to eat at home, and the big name restaurant outside is not suitable for me, because I like to be alone." ”
Someone asked, "Then you're lonely, aren't you?" ”
Jiang Xun said: "Getting along well with yourself is a good medicine for shaping intrinsic value. ”
Deeply.
Just like Thoreau, in 1845, with only an axe, he went to Walden Lake to build a wooden house, and lived alone for more than two years to verify his true meaning:
"As long as a person meets the basic needs of life, is no longer related to fame, and is no longer interested in wealth, he can enjoy life more calmly and more fully."
In the end, he succeeded and wrote the famous collection of essays", Walden:
"We try to be busy and hard every day, but we always lose something unconsciously. In the face of ever-expanding materialistic desires, what we need is a mind that can calm down.
Excess wealth can only buy excess things, and what is necessary for the soul of man does not need to be bought with money. ”
Enjoying solitude can really make a person strong. Because, solitude is the best way for a person to add value.
When you are alone, all your actions are pampering yourself, no one bothers you, you can enjoy such freedom and have your true self.
In the book "Far Away Village", it is said: "Loneliness is very necessary, and what a person does during his lonely time determines the difference between this person and others." ”
In fact, everyone needs to be lonely, and nothing is more nourishing than loneliness.
Because, sometimes what separates you from others is the time you spend alone.
Constantly please yourself
It is the top taste
I often think about a question:
Is it only when you wear designer clothes and carry a designer bag that you look tasteful?
I remembered a small thing.
In order to meet customers, his friend Sisi spent more than 10,000 yuan to buy a bag, saying that it seemed tasteful.
One day, she went to my house for dinner, saw me with a set of dishes and chopsticks, said she liked it very much, and asked me to send her the link.
After learning the price, she said, you are also too luxurious.
I explained: "The more things that others can't see, the more they reflect a person's quality of life." You spend thousands of dollars on a dress to deepen the impression of the outside world on you.
The set of bowls I bought for a few hundred dollars was also to deepen my understanding of life. ”
To see if a person has taste, not to look at his circle, clothes, bags, cars...
Instead, it's about looking at his real state of life:
Toothbrushes are not used for half a year without changing, intimate clothes are not stalls, bed sheets are not inferior products...
Because the state of being alone truly reflects her attitude towards life.
The more invisible things are to the outside world, the more it proves that you really love yourself.
There is a saying that goes: "Taste is not disturbed by fashion." Once you deliberately pursue what big names, once you deliberately go along with what standards, you have lost your taste.
Taste is to come back and be yourself, to know what you really want, to know what life should be in what way to live. ”
The real top taste is a spirit of seeking goodness, which is to give yourself the best way of life under certain conditions.
Even if your life is terrible, you will still live a good life.
Because, you are truly loving yourself and pleasing yourself.
Being alone is also the best way to please yourself.
If you want to pursue taste, you have to be a self-pleaser.
Take care of yourself, and your taste will naturally come up.
Yu Hua said a passage:
"Instead of pretending to have a lot of friends, I went back to being alone and started my life alone as the real me.
Sometimes I also struggle with loneliness to endure the torment of emptiness, but I would rather maintain my self-esteem in this way than trade shame for that superficial friend. ”
Some people like to be alone as superficial loneliness, while others are lonely in groups but inner loneliness.
We are born lonely, some things can only be faced by ourselves, some roads can only be walked by ourselves, and some levels can only be broken by ourselves.
Life is nothing more than a process of seeing oneself, convincing oneself, and giving oneself happiness.
Human sorrow and joy are not the same, so accept loneliness and enjoy loneliness!
Remember, loneliness can make a person stand out!
- E N D -