Author | Fan Deng Reading · Jessie
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yang Gun Gun
Interpret the trailer
Meet · Meet your unknown self in the book.
Good evening to all book lovers, welcome to the reading column "Encounter" produced by Fan Deng Reading.
In life, we often encounter people or things that make people feel angry, anxious, or depressed.
But emotional loss of control will only make you lose your rationality and thus lose yourself.
Today, I would like to share with you the book interpreted by Teacher Fan Deng - "Why My Emotions Are Always Influenced by Others".
Let you learn to manage your emotions, rather than becoming a slave to your emotions.
Have you ever encountered a situation like this:
A submitted proposal that the boss always fails;
The bear child in the rebellious period, everything is against you;
There is an important matter to catch the plane, and as a result, there is a traffic jam on the road, and the rush to arrive has just taken off;
In such a scene, are you complaining that the people take the opportunity to erupt and be led by emotions? Or calm analysis, calm solution?
In fact, what kind of result there is depends on your idea.
Don't let the people and things in our lives lead us by the nose.
America's greatest psychologist, Ellis, mentions in his book Why My Emotions Are Always Swayed by Others:
"People are not upset by unfavorable things, but by their views and ideas about these events."
Controlling the crazy thoughts and emotional overreactions in your heart and changing them is the real winner.
What kind of emotions a person has, what kind of life there is.
A person's greatest ability is to be able to control emotions.
Although it is not easy, it is really necessary not to let people lose control because their emotions are out of control.
Some time ago, a 19-year-old man in Baotou City, Inner Mongolia, suddenly threw pots and pans out of the kitchen on the 3rd floor in the evening.
Even the usual exercise, dozens of pounds of sandbags were also thrown down the window to the downstairs of the community.
Fortunately, it rained lightly that day, and there were few people going out, and there were no casualties.
When the police arrived, they found that his home had been smashed into a mess.
The neighbors wondered, what made him behave so radically?
When the police learned the cause of the incident, the reason given by the 19-year-old man was difficult for most of us to understand.
The man said: "Because it was time for dinner, there was no one in the family to cook for him, and the mood was suddenly out of control." ”
If a person's emotions are not properly managed, their situation will get worse and worse.
Casual irritability and venting will only bring trouble to those close to you.
Ellis wrote in his book:
"Anger is certainly a bad feeling, and it can temporarily make you less depressed, but anger is difficult to solve problems that cannot disappear, and it will make the problem worse." 」
In life, we often see that some people are infinitely magnified because of a small thing, and finally disrupt their own and others' lives, and even cause great disasters.
If human joy and sorrow are likened to natural phenomena, anger is like a volcanic eruption. Aggressive and lethal, once it breaks out, it is difficult to contain and cannot be restored afterwards.
Just like the behavior of the 19th man, just because of the impulse caused by a meal, thus ruining a kitchen, but also ruining his image in the minds of others, these are irreparable, more than worth the loss.
Studies have shown that when people are emotionally excited, their IQ is zero, and the decisions they make under impulse are often wrong, so there is no one thing that is solved because of anger.
In fact, most of us live in the imagination, things often can't crush us, what crushes us is emotions.
Avoid others from touching the bottom line of your emotional outburst, become the master of your own emotions, and take the lead in life.
Having bad emotions is instinctive, and controlling it is the skill.
The writer Dickens once said:
"The soundness of the emotional mindset is more powerful than a hundred kinds of wisdom."
Whether a person can control their emotions directly determines your life and indicates your future.
Liu Yifei said in a variety interview this year that he has not sent a circle of friends for 9 years, and sometimes he will look at others and give them praise.
The host asked the reason, she said: "I feel that my willpower is not very strong, my emotions will rise and fall, I don't want to develop bad emotions in the circle of friends, she is afraid of her addiction." ”
In order to make herself not vent her emotions at will, she chose to cultivate her heart through this method, and she was unwilling to share negative emotions with others.
In fact, there are no pure negative emotions, only negative attitudes.
If we keep having a negative attitude, we will not be able to find the positive meaning of emotions.
Create your own emotional turning point, find your own way, and release your grievances.
Psychologists have said: "The so-called high emotional intelligence is to turn uncontrollable emotions into controllable emotions, thereby enhancing the ability to understand and get along with others." ”
Different ways of handling the same thing will have different endings.
A secretary of war approached Lincoln and said angrily that a major general had insulted him and questioned him.
Lincoln said, "You can write a harsh letter and scold him fiercely." ”
The minister immediately wrote a strongly worded letter and showed it to the president.
"Yes, yes." Lincoln shouted, "That's all I want!" Train him well, it's really amazing. ”
When the minister was ready to send the letter, Lincoln suggested that the letter be burned. The minister is puzzled?
Lincoln said that I handled every letter I wrote when I was angry. Your letter is well written, and you have already solved the problem when you write it.
Lincoln's approach is to be the master of his emotions, to maintain his position, and not to be pulled into the whirlpool.
Admit that you have emotions, and accept that others are emotional people, and you have internal balance in order to get along better with others.
Managing emotions is also a process of reconciliation with oneself.
Born as a human being, who lives without troubles? Some people allow bad emotions to grow and spread, and some people cultivate themselves with calm and peace.
Dealing with negative emotions is not to suppress it, nor to vent it, but to settle it, to find its source, and a reasonable place to go.
On the road to success, the biggest enemy is not a lack of opportunities, or shallow qualifications, the biggest enemy of success is a lack of control over their emotions.
When angry, it is impossible to control anger, making the collaborators around them prohibitive;
When depressed, indulge your own wilting and waste many fleeting opportunities.
Emotional stability, everything goes well!
False perceptions are one of the root causes of abnormal emotional reactions.
When an emotion arises, understand it, analyze it, and think about whether your beliefs and cognitions are rational.
First of all, there are several situations that are prone to emotions;
First, the personality is too soft, and it is easy to infect the joys and sorrows of others.
Second, people who have no opinions have no ideas about anything themselves.
Third, care too much about what others think of themselves.
Fourth, people with special inferiority.
Second, it is not people and things that affect our emotions, but our way of thinking that is holding our noses.
Often people tell us not to be controlled by emotions, not to lose temper, to be peaceful, these truths are understood, how to do it?
The book "Why My Emotions Are Always Swayed by Others" gives the principle of managing emotions ABC:
A event, B your view of things, C is our emotion.
Emotions are not directly caused by events, but by our thoughts.
For example, traffic jams, traffic jams are principle A, which is an event.
Since things have happened, there are too many uncontrollable factors in the world, whether to choose to scold and be angry, or choose to put a soothing music in the car and wait quietly. This is Principle B, your view of things.
Different angles of view are different, so your opinion will directly lead to the result, which is principle C, our emotions.
This principle is to say that there are triggers for the occurrence of bad emotions, the key is how do we look at it, what is the desired result?
Just like the behavior of a 19-year-old boy, no one cooks for himself, he can choose to let his family cook or order his own takeaway, which will not lead to smashing incidents, which will both lose family property and hurt feelings.
Do not panic in case of trouble, calm and calm, look down on some people and things, life is not a small matter except life and death.
Sometimes, we live a very tired life, not because life is too mean, but because we are too easily affected by the atmosphere of the outside world.
Ellis says that there are only three things to do: thinking, feeling, and acting.
Our views and ideas about things actually come from cognition.
When you see the larger world, you understand all the oversensitivity just because you can't do anything about the environment in front of you.
In the final analysis, cultivating emotions, cultivating vision, practicing cognition, and forming patterns.
Read more books, communicate more, cognitively go up, and see everything and it will be pleasing to the eye.
Human life is very long and short, and the meaning and value of our existence are given by ourselves.
Don't let the words of others affect the direction of your life.
It's normal to be born with emotions, I'll be happy when I get gifts, I'll be sad when I lose a game.
We can't ask a person to be completely devoid of emotions, we need to know it, reconcile with it, and learn to control emotions and not be swayed by emotions.
Controlling emotions is a compulsory course in life.
Click "watching", really powerful people, have long learned not to be mood-oriented, but results-oriented.
Author | Jesse, record yourself, record life, express the heart, love yoga and love writing.
Column Director | Come slowly
Typography | Zheng to the north
音乐 | Piano Diary - Tell Me Why