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In life, we will see that some people often talk about morality and justice, pay attention to absolute principles in everything, and absolutely do not allow half a point of difference; and they always stand on the moral high ground for others, to demand and evaluate the behavior of others.
But in fact, the more psychologically mature and socially experienced those people are, the less they will talk about "morality" all day long. Why? Consider looking at this from the following perspectives:
Freud's theory of personality structure
I believe that friends who are interested in psychology must have heard of Freud, as the founder of the psychoanalytic school, Freud had a deep understanding of the self and the subconscious.
In his theory of personality structure, he treats personality as an iceberg.
At the bottom of the iceberg corresponds to the "id", which is our most primitive impulses and desires, which are not constrained by the outside world, and may even violate the ethical rules of society;
At the top of the iceberg is the "superego", which symbolizes the requirements given to us by some moral and social ethical norms, is the highest pursuit of a person's spiritual level and personality quality, and is also the most perfect benchmark for a person's behavior;
In the middle of the iceberg is our "self", which is closer to what we appear in real life, and this part is driven by the self on the one hand, and constrained by the superego on the other, which is counterproductive and complementary to each other.
For those who are more mature, they have a more comprehensive and deeper understanding of themselves, and they can understand some of their innermost desires and subconscious drives, and these wishes may not be supported by real conditions.
Under the premise of not violating social ethics and norms, mature people can handle this part of the desire well and transform it into their own motivation, and when they can use these desires reasonably, they can stimulate their own potential and action, so as to obtain a more satisfactory lifestyle.
Conversely, if a person is overly constrained by the superego, then he may ignore his inner voice and only follow the public and the collective to make decisions, lacking self-dialectical thinking, and it is difficult to achieve anything outstanding.
Obedience education ignores individuality
In the traditional Chinese concept of education, respect for the decisions of the elderly is very much advocated, for example, some parents often help us plan our lives based on a good starting point for us.
Because sometimes authority does not necessarily mean absolute correctness, which has something to do with your own understanding of your current situation and planning, blindly listening to authority will only make us a member of society that goes with the flow.
And just like the concept advocated by many psychological counseling, the suggestions of others are only used as a reference for our lives, our own lives need to be responsible for ourselves, and every decision we make needs to be weighed by ourselves; the goal we want to achieve is also through our own unremitting efforts.
Only in this way can we fully understand our own subjectivity, rather than following the advice of others in everything, blindly thinking that we are a very sensible, obedient, and moral person.
And in traditional education, some knowledge may make us rote memorization, and ignore the process of self-exploration and self-speculation.
Although forced memory can achieve relatively good results, this kind of cramming education method will ignore the subjective initiative of individuals and reduce the ability of individuals to think critically and actively.
Kirburg's Theory of Stages in Moral Development
The American psychologist Kohlberg put forward the classic theory of moral cognitive development stages, which divided children's moral development into three levels and six stages.
Specifically, in the Pre custom level stage, children mainly observe punishment and obedience, feeling that those who are rewarded are good and those who are criticized are bad, judging from this external clue whether it is moral;
The second stage is the Custom level, during which children will try to meet the expectations of others and the expectations of society, on the one hand, they hope to be praised by others and be a good child, on the other hand, they will strictly obey social norms, respect the law and authority, and think that as long as they abide by the law, they are good.
The final stage is the Post custom level, during which children follow their conscience and realize that morality is a social consensus, a universal contract.
From the stage of children's moral development of Steinberg, we can also see that many times, morality does not have absolute standards, and it also needs to be flexible according to actual situations and ideas, and the more mature people are often more able to control.
They have an independent personality and good judgment ability, do not completely rely on the information of others and the rules of the outside world, and do not follow the tide and follow the crowd. In a way, they are not "moral".
At the same time, they can also understand their innermost thoughts and desires, know what can be done and what should not be done, so as to better stimulate their potential and get along more smoothly in this society.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205